I've wished
All my life to the
One woman who has been
Everything to me.
Today I realise from now on,
All my life I shall be wished
A Happy Mother's Day,
From my son who is everything to me.
Life has such mysterious and
Profusely beautiful events
Lined up that I am
Grateful and honoured to
Experience and witness the vastness
Of nature and God alike.
Encountering some of nature's
Most powerful existential miracles
Bearing a child, growing it
Inside the womb, it's purpose met,
Undergoing the dreaded child labour;
Coming through like a queen,
Breastfeeding an infant; unimaginable,
Unfathomable, surreal of
Most experiences of my life.
Raising a child, listening to him,
Watching him move, watching him try
To learn basics
Rolling, crawling, sitting, feeding, and what not!
After all that I went through,
Nothing compared to what I felt;
Laughter and tears together
A feeling I've never felt -
That moment when they brought him close,
Nothing compared to what I felt!
Minutes went past like hours,
Slow - motion like in the movies,
Life's changed, many meanings too;
Life's changed, many relationships too.
I will never fail to feel
That pride, joy, love and warmth
Next time I wish my mother
A Happy Mother's Day!
All my life I've wished
A Happy Mother's Day!
Now all my life I shall be wished,
A Happy Mother's Day!
Scars…they are beautiful. They mark us for who we are and then define us who we are. They show us what we have come through and definitely help us recall what battles we have prevailed. They remind us we are stronger and robust than anything that has tried to hold us down.
Scars are good. They are part of our precious history. They speak of our experiences and share to this world what brave lives we’ve lived. They speak of hours which are dormant within our lives; times that perhaps not many would know of. Scars bring about courage – courage to face unfair realities. They bring power to withstand obstacles and hustle through hurdles like a champ.
Scars are important. They show us how committed, consistent and reliable we have become. They pave the way to a new and brighter understanding of how far we have come and how much strength it has taken.
Scars are reminders of how life was, is and is to be lived. They fade with time. Oh yes, however they never disappear. They are engraved in us for a reason. They are there for a purpose. They speak truths and explain efforts taken. They come, impact and remain; for they are what they are – TEACHERS who teach us life.
I have never understood life so deeply. It’s been months since my baby boy came into this world and I still am not over the fact that I was a completely a different person just a few months back.
To begin with, I was not ready – leave alone ready, I was quite sure I was going to be just a dog mom for the rest of my life. This was not because of anything else but the sheer fact that I believed I was just not a very responsible human being. I took too long to learn myself, unlearn things about myself and appreciate who I was. Well, as I swung through my days like that, I was taken by surprise when my gynaecologist said that I was five months pregnant.
Five months and I did not have a clue? I was asked this question so many times by so many people including myself. Am I even a “girl” for not knowing my body? Am I so irresponsible and naive to not know what my body was going through? I can only blame my ridiculously irregular cycles throughout my life that I was just so casual about the whole thing.
Though an inexcusable statement, my Polycystic Ovarian Disease, or PCOD did make me believe everything was normal. The year before, I was losing weight, was wearing clothes I’ve always dreamt of, was posing for pictures like a queen, was basking in the glory of shedding pounds which I have always wanted to. Then I hear the news and I go blank. I was not ready. I was not prepared. I shut down from everyone and everything. All at once.
Nothing was the same. I was not the same. I changed. Not every woman wants to be a mom. Maybe hard to hear, but not every woman wants a baby to take care of. I was a woman like that. Perhaps, I was just too scared of the responsibility. I was overwhelmed by the fact that someone was going to rely on me. I am going to have to be there for someone. Real-time.
My journey from an easy-go-lucky, fun-loving, carefree, always on the run girl to a MOTHER was not planned, thought of, expected, or oh-so-happy in the beginning.
Give me some words
To express my feelings;
To write something meaningful
To share with this world.
Pour me some red wine
Perhaps it's nine o' nine;
One sip at a time
One word at a time.
Give me a second chance
To express and explain;
What day is like and
What the night sky hides.
Hand me an ink pen
To connect to the spirits;
To call upon angels and
To touch tranquil minds.
Give me a few sentences
Of how flowers bloom,
And the sea roars;
How animals mate
And humans love.
Give me some time
To whisper in your ears
What stories I've heard
And what tales I have shared.
Show me some commitment
To withstand a writer's block
Show me how it's done
I ain't that no more.
Give me some words
To express my interests;
To write something meaningful
To share with this world.
Is it just me or
Do you feel the same?
The calm in the air,
The smell of the fresh flowers,
The waves of the beach,
The scent of the day,
Nothing excites me no more.
The constant hunger
For something like love,
For something like bliss,
I just remain hungry.
Nothing honest about the feeling
Nothing serene about the butterflies.
Well, no more butterflies
Nothing exciting in the love I search.
Maybe I fell in and out of love
Too soon to understand it's depth.
Maybe I kissed and laughed
Too soon to know what it really meant.
For today I feel void
Like there's an empty space in me
Like there's nothing more in me to give
To a love that may find me one day
Or maybe never.
Where did the poet in me go? Where did the warrior hide? Where has time taken me? Where am I?
It’s been too long since I poured out what I felt into a piece of writing or poetry. There used to be days when I wrote at least two poems a day and now I am empty. This emptiness! It puzzles me. Where I am today, was my choice. And why I don’t feel the joy now, is unaccountable.
I am not strong enough or was I never? These are the questions that creep into my brain when I lay void of what is called sanity.
No, the stars don’t seem to amaze me anymore. Friends, they are all taken away. Smiles, seem very artificial. I question myself, why am I this way? Who do I go to? Who do I talk to? If I were any different, why do I need to?
Gone are the days when little things made me smile. Perhaps even those little things are desperately moving away from me leaving me in tranquility. This empty space, this time zone where nothing seems to be real anymore is the reason why poetry denied entry into my life. This is flawed.
The scattered ideas of what my life should have been are more painful than the heartache that slides in every now and then when I think of what exactly I am doing with my life. The ideologies that I shared a few months back, the reasoning I gave to people who were actually inspired by me, nothing seem to make any sense to me anymore. Is this what they call “losing oneself “?
I want those days back when I could smile despite things troubling me deep down. I want that me back who could calm a noisy room with the loud, powerful, daring words that came out of my mouth. I want those days back when more people around me believed in me. I want it all back. I want that day back when I foolishly made choices and now- now I want to change it all. I want to go back and reprimand myself real hard and talk to myself and explain to myself that life is more than what I thought it was.
I have to do this for the bard in me to wake up and drag me to a pen and paper and force me to jot down that melody that no one but I can write. I want that impossible flow of ideas and words to fill me once again. I want that passionate lover of arts to come back to me. I want that DINAH to regenerate herself inside me. She is the only one who can find and rejuvenate what I have lost. I will bring me back. I will.
Isn’t life equally about sunshine and twilight? Isn’t life about glee and gloom together? Why is it so difficult to trespass the feeling of hurt and sorrow, the heartache? Maybe we all need a moment of understanding.
We are a generation who have experienced yet not experienced life to the fullest. So here it is, the days that seem not so great are to perhaps rejoice and to learn from.
One of the biggest life lessons is to learn to heal. Heal from scars that may or may not have been the outcome of our actions. Yet, many do not understand how to heal wholly.
The first step is to accept. Accept that everything happens for a reason and we do not always have to understand. Things may not seem to fall in place at the moment but hey, Pause. Breathe. Smile. Maybe count to ten. There’s always tomorrow and there’s always a way.
Uncertainties are just as part of us humans as feeling hungry! If we’re uncertain or worried about something, talking to ourselves can be where we start. Feeling comfortable in talking and understanding ourselves is one step towards better mental health.
Unfortunately, we have created a vaccum within ourselves, trying to pretend that we’re fine, smile throughout the day, talk nicely to others, be the social media bomb, and influence others around us to see just the “good part”. And it’s normal. It’s what we’ve been doing for so long. But the question is, why? Why is it so difficult for us to let people (at least the ones we claim to be dear) know that something is not alright? Think about it!
The second step towards being a better version of ourselves is to open up. Having one person to whom we can open up and share what we feel is a great way to heal emotionally and mentally. Letting out what is bothering us will help us ease the situation inside our heads.
The third step is to smile. Yes, as simple as a smile! Smiling and knowing it’s just a phase and things are going to be fine is so comforting. May not be the easiest of solutions, but it does work. Looking into the mirror, and witnessing the greatest creation of God, it is next to impossible to not value our inner and outer selves. If we are not able to do so, we must practice the art! It’s huge, it’s life-changing.
Be grateful. Yes, for what we have and have not, let’s begin by being grateful. That’s the next step to becoming wholly us. It’s not always easy to let go of what our heart desires. However, it’s not all we are. We are way above our desires and wants. We create them inside our heads and look for them, not understanding that searching desperately only makes it difficult to obtain. Therefore, one at a time. Something’s not happening, it’s alright! The universe has its own time. Things are going to be just fine.
So hug life, smile, rejoice each day, feel and believe, hope and inspire, create and experience… Life is too short to not give ourselves a second chance, even if it does not make sense to anyone else. Make hay when the sun shines but don’t lose hope when it’s not as sunny as you want it to be!
We are all touch-me-nots sometimes. We don’t want to deal with the world and just want to not get up from the comfort of our bed. We feel overwhelmed and lazy, yet guilty for feeling so at the same time.
This Pandemic has brought along with it a lot of changes in terms of how we think, act, and process certain things in life. The simplest of tasks seem heavy duty and the most difficult at times, simple.
We feel hot and cold at the same time, lazy and active together, overloaded with work along with so much free time to cook! We feel a lot of things together!
WFH or Work-from-home was always a dream and when it came true, not many enjoyed it. On the contrary, not many want to go back to a proper nine to five job now. Things have changed for sure, people, their way of thinking, work have changed, home chores have changed, priorities, challenges, lifestyle, travel, everything has undergone a change.
Some have lost weight, gained weight, learned a new skill, unlearnt something, watched movies, reviewed them, traveled, become couch potatoes, and what not! Some have become touch-me-nots.
This is about those touch-me-nots. It’s alright to feel different. This is definitely a phase of change and evolution. All we need to do is stay calm, go with the flow and let time decide. We do not have to overburden ourselves with work, rather, take time out for self-love, write a book, write a poem, make a soulful meal, read a book, take a hot shower, take a small trip, meet a few people might just help. Of course, it is easy to say, but just allowing ourselves to give back to nature and build a better understanding of who we are will really help.
Many people lost their jobs and are really stressed. Many people had babies and are really happy. Let’s step forward and take charge of how we feel because at the end of it all, what really matters is how we feel about ourselves. Staying positive, feeling good, thinking good thoughts, attracting positive vibes, all make a difference. The universe has its own way of giving back. Let’s make sure what we get from nature is what we want!
So, wiggle a little, sing a song, tap those feet, it’s time to get out of the nutshell. Life is not to withdraw ourselves from everything. It’s about enjoying and partaking in the most precious moments which are in each minute that passes by. No more dwelling on any sort of guilt. No more narrowing down of thoughts. No more overwhelming responses to nature. No more saying NO. No more building a wall around ourselves. No more of being touch-me-nots. It’s time to break those chains and fly like a butterfly. Beautiful, elegant, healthy, vibrant, energetic, wholesome.
This Pandemic sure has taken a lot with it but it’s time to get back to business. It’s time to be better than how we were before the Pandemic! It’s just time to un-become touch-me-nots.
Life is a stage where we are all mere actors– good performers, bad players; mediocre, modest, tolerable…
The truth lies in the untold stories of tears and the sound of the loud laughter that shattered the silent nights of winters and in how the weary became more tired of the continuous and tiresome acting… What disturbs the sleepless nights, however, is not just the roar of the thunders, but the scream of the blunders that fearlessly frighten the inner soul whatsoever!
The truth lies in the monotonous life we live and the ragged sheets we try to sew. The decomposing corpse has more stories to say than the warm blood, which has more to hide than to show. A human being is a closed book of secrets, perhaps with an eternal lock on it. No one ever has the key to it, whatever they try to do. Ironically the book itself does not want to go back to the pages once turned – “no looking back” – it reads… Irony indeed!
The sound of the metals clashing against each other inside the brain fixes most of the trouble. The soothing pain in the heart so deep can bring tears from the eyes that fumble. This is a process I never understood. There is pain everywhere. The smiles and the joy fade with time. So do the tears: but why do the smiles fade faster?
Music calms the soul – so does alcohol – bitter truths make fairytales and ugly lies, a life…
Let us not make conclusions because life is a magical mystery box – full of surprises – from rags to riches, from heights to nothing – from this to that, from here to there! We never know! We should never perhaps! It is supposed to be a surprise!
Perhaps, life is a trampoline with beads scattered all around, taking us so far into a world of poise and warmth, ice and fire, good and the bad… Perhaps, life is more than what it may look like.
See me through my misery
The misery I believe I live in
The reasons and excuses I give
Myself for not breaking loose.
For I am sure I'd lose my shite
If I get out there by myself
Or is it just in my head?
I write and preach about women
Having to be independent and bold
When all I can do for myself is just
Hold on to what makes me hate men more.
Why is there a difference at all
When all he can do is not all you can!
When the idea is to not,
Why do I constantly have to hear it?
The drama of being a woman
In a society that doesn't know
The spelling of it. When,
All it can do is project fake sympathy
And of course, more drama!
Now, see me through what I believe
Is life. Is love. Is what it is to be a woman.
To breathe the air of unending complaints
When I am the one to be whining.
Will, there be no hour when someone
Would just finally understand
What it is like to be kept in the dark
About who you're born to be.
AN INDIVIDUAL.
So, my dear sisters and brothers
Let's break the chains of bondage…
Let's see each one of us through
Our chains of misery we've entangled ourselves with.
Let's make it worth the while
Let's make it normal to break loose,
Let's make it alright to break hearts
Then to be broken so hard.
See me through me
The me that has so much to share.
See me through
The whole world matters.
Art of How To 