Surprised or Shocked

After all the Pandemic pressure and freedom to find myself on a deeper level, I was struck by something very unexpected.

It was the last day of August when I decided to go to a gynaecologist to check how my Polycystic Ovarian Disease, or PCOD was doing. I was unwell for a while and the situation was such that we thought it was Covid. Well, guess what, I had already come through my first trimester by then!

The scan which was supposed to be done to check how my PCOD was, ended up showing me that I was five months pregnant! Surprised or Shocked? I couldn’t decide then.

I was absolutely not ready to be who I was going to be, who I am today. I remember being completely shut down, spoke quite little, contemplated how it is all going to be, how I am going to transform, whether I was indeed ready for this transformation; angry at myself for not knowing my body well enough, happy that I was chosen despite having severe PCOD issues – a lot of different thoughts.

I suddenly matured – started constantly keeping the room clean, folding blankets, keeping the house tidy, behaving responsibly with medication, took more care of what I ate, how much water I drank, basically took more care of myself. It was a mixture of emotions, good, bad, ugly, satisfying, parallel – mood swings like never before, tantrums so childish, cravings of shawarma like never before, fear, anxiety, heaviness along with smiles, eagerness, excitement of some sort, joy, I don’t know what not!

I still can’t decide – Surprised or Shocked?

To be continued…

Read Part 1 – How it started

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3 thoughts on “Surprised or Shocked

  1. Pingback: How it Started | Art of How To

  2. Pingback: Three Months of Being Pregnant | Art of How To

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