Summer blues hitting you! Time for a quick getaway from the hot city. Enter: you zooming into the cool climes of a hill station, chilling beside a river bed, or going river rafting with friends and enjoying the rapids of the river. You may even visit a serene hill station, be in a resort – a pina colada in hand next to a beautiful swimming pool, a quiet, shady spot to sleep next to it. Another option is to tread the adventure path: pack your bags, go to the hill, trek to the deep forests and cool off in a treehouse with the birds and animals? All this sounds boring! Time to give a peppy twist to the hot, boring summers!

“Unexplored paths lead to undiscovered treasures” is so true! Post the pandemic, the aim of travel lust folks is more for fulfilment vis a vis the mundane sightseeing and selfies. Everyone seems to have reached a saturation point and wants to break free from the routine and regular work. The pandemic seems to have become a “predestined” way of changing the course of life. The quirky seems to be the preferred way of living life. “Do things differently” has become everyone’s mantra now – including travel ideas too!

Travelling has become a part of most people’s lifestyle. An escape from the boring routines and the madness! And most of you would be having a bucket list that normally starts at the beginning of the year. Penning them down, pinning it to our soft boards or sticky notes on our laptops – we have them all! The list is ready. But we are not. Such people are called virtual travellers who gaze lovingly at their computer screen wallpapers. Most likely, they would have researched where to go, where to stay, and explored possible hangout zones near their chosen spots too. I know the extremely meticulous travellers – right from their passports, documents, travel accessories to clothes – everything would be planned and kept ready a long time ago! 

Then there are the backpackers or impromptu travellers who just pick clothes, accessories, and everything needed for a trip and dump them all in a travel bag and just stride off the doors, choosing the quickest available transport. There is a third category – a blend of both. So which category of travellers do you belong to?

Get as quirky as you want when you plan your travels. Here’s what you can do to make your travel interesting! Discover the wanderlust in you!

Start a Travel Bucket List
So, what is a bucket list? A list of things you want to do. Having a bucket list in every walk of life helps! A travel bucket list can have the locations you want to visit and logistics for the same. So, a kind of a brain map for travel. Each time you spot an interesting place to visit, write the name of the place in a journal. You can even add “things-to-do” there too. Don’t wait for a very long list. Keep it short lest you only spend time planning (and end up in virtual travel). Have short term goals accordingly so you can start marking your calendars and plan leaves accordingly.

Ensure safe travel
Thanks to the pandemic and fear of acquiring the virus, people started restricting travel (also thanks to government guidelines). But gradually, various places have opened up. You can choose safe spots for travel. Do enough research on the location to find hygienic places to stay, local specialities and hangouts too. Make sure that the rooms are cleaned and sanitized thoroughly. Find safe food spots to sample local flavours instead of the regular restaurant food.

Do Vlogging
The latest travel lingo to be added to the vocabulary is V logging. Thanks to social media, people love to share travel stories with their friends on their social media handles. You can record your voice while shooting videos of interesting locales and upload it on a travel website/social media handle. These memories you make will  remain forever. Though it may be lost in the world wide web and for others, they will remain with us every time we watch them. As years pass by, we will need to look back, so make memories for yourself. 

Locales, off-beat
A quirky traveller will always choose destinations that are lesser known and off the “tourist” maps. You will get the feel of the local culture and place much better. With so many companies going hybrid, this seems to be a great time for travellers to step outside the four walls of the house and search for remote locations to work and have a vacation too! The locations can range from a simple jungle lodge, a beach shack, or even a homestay beside a river bank. There are many who love traditional houses and rural settings. There are many people who have started their own farms with animals, plants and growing their own foods. They even organize guided stays for the public. Almost every city, there are entrepreneurs who have opened up farm stays – a great place for children to discover the farm-to-plate food.

Travel, reset sleep cycles
The pandemic took a toll on most working folks. With the work-from-home routine, companies overloaded employees with work that was almost 24x7. As a result, insomnia set in with late night work routines. To reset sleep cycles, people started thinking of travelling and working simultaneously. Choosing a remote destination that has wi-fi as well as other good amenities – renting out service apartments, people sought a change in food and sleep routines too. Choosing to work at their pace is the solution most people have found to alter unhealthy lifestyles. 

Family time back!
Those with families started going on short vacations too since schools had gone hybrid as well. Travel also ensures spending quality time with the family, talking, playing games and eating meals together. This had been missing in the last decade. Family members and children seemed in parallel zones. The pandemic seems to have acted as a pause button on busy lifestyles. Search engine traffic became higher with people looking for shorter getaways with families as well as working remotely. In other words, it became akin to “targeting two birds with one stone”.

Finally, travel is also a way of going back to the roots. I have always discovered tiny facets of me that were undiscovered during my growing years. Each trip has been a joyous journey down the memory lanes. I still have old photographs of various travails and escapades with friends. The wanderlust in me is forever alive and keeps my creative juices flowing just like all of you will discover for yourselves once you begin travelling.

I love this quote: “I travel not to go anywhere but to go. I travel for travel’s sake! The great affair is to move”. So, cheers to new destinations, new journeys, and travails! Happy Holidays, folks!

Follow Priya Rajendran and The Word Route

I have never understood life so deeply. It’s been months since my baby boy came into this world and I still am not over the fact that I was a completely a different person just a few months back.

To begin with, I was not ready – leave alone ready, I was quite sure I was going to be just a dog mom for the rest of my life. This was not because of anything else but the sheer fact that I believed I was just not a very responsible human being. I took too long to learn myself, unlearn things about myself and appreciate who I was. Well, as I swung through my days like that, I was taken by surprise when my gynaecologist said that I was five months pregnant.

Five months and I did not have a clue? I was asked this question so many times by so many people including myself. Am I even a “girl” for not knowing my body? Am I so irresponsible and naive to not know what my body was going through? I can only blame my ridiculously irregular cycles throughout my life that I was just so casual about the whole thing.

Though an inexcusable statement, my Polycystic Ovarian Disease, or PCOD did make me believe everything was normal. The year before, I was losing weight, was wearing clothes I’ve always dreamt of, was posing for pictures like a queen, was basking in the glory of shedding pounds which I have always wanted to. Then I hear the news and I go blank. I was not ready. I was not prepared. I shut down from everyone and everything. All at once.

Nothing was the same. I was not the same. I changed. Not every woman wants to be a mom. Maybe hard to hear, but not every woman wants a baby to take care of. I was a woman like that. Perhaps, I was just too scared of the responsibility. I was overwhelmed by the fact that someone was going to rely on me. I am going to have to be there for someone. Real-time.

My journey from an easy-go-lucky, fun-loving, carefree, always on the run girl to a MOTHER was not planned, thought of, expected, or oh-so-happy in the beginning.

Things changed.

Part 2 – Surprised or Shocked

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Birthdays are days when we stay up till midnight, wait for the clock to strike 12, cut the cake, and burst the confetti! Friends troop in, ringing the bell and screaming “Surpriseee”! No better way to kickstart the birthday. Isn’t it?

How many of you have gone through this? Being lifted by friends and swung in the air the same number of times as your age and an extra swing and crash on the floor for the next birthday? Those infamous birthday bumps are still memorable as much as our bums got sore after being dumped on the ground. Sweetest memories are those doing the same for all friends as well.

Quirky traditions are followed in different countries. Historically they say, it was the Egyptians who began the birthday celebration while crowning Pharaohs. Greeks believed in celebrating birthdays because it brought one closer to the spirits who were present at the time of our birth. Even the pagans believed in being close to the spirit world by celebrating the day of one’s birth.

Pop a bottle, Toast to new memories

Thanks to the pandemic, the last two years, all birthday plans were awash! Finally, people are coming out and celebrating again. Back then, it was hard sitting at home and having virtual celebrations with our best friend – the screen! Now no more excuses for not celebrating thanks to the vaccine.

As we age, many of us stop wanting to celebrate birthdays. We often whine about turning a year older and sulk too. Well, birthdays must be a time to feel good, pop up a champagne bottle, toast to a long life, and perhaps go on a roller coaster as well! Just don your best clothes, dress up, go shopping, climb a mountain…the possibilities are endless! 

Create memorable moments that you will cherish all your life so that people can write on your epitaph: XYZ had a rocking life! Life is to live in the moment.

I have seen people write countdowns on their social media profiles a month before the DAY. It gives a feeling of anticipation, butterflies in the tummy, excitement, and endless memories! Best friends will keep reminding you about “the day” and plan to demand treats from you. Families will plan surprises (some open too!). 

Some make bucket lists of what to do on their special day. Each one has its plans. Make yours, if you haven’t! 

1. Get yourself Ink-ed

Get a tattoo with inspirational words/art. It is fun when you are crossing a milestone.

2. Ramp show at home

Plan a house party with your gang. Dig up your wardrobe. Wear what you haven’t worn. Turn on the music and walk the ramp in style! Ask your friends to do the same. 

3. Take off on the adventure route 

If you are the outdoor type, go hitchhiking, scuba diving, bungee jumping, and more. Give it a shot if you believe in “Zindagi na Milegi Dobara” (life only happens once!).

4. Plan a fun trip with buddies

Choose an off-tourist spot (not off the maps, okay!) with friends. Nothing better than a little adventure!

5. Book a ticket for a music concert/play

This is if you know a lovely place for a live gig, go for it or an actual concert. Else treat yourself to a nice play in town. If you don’t have either option, create a mini-concert at home. Ramp up some speakers and play songs by your favourite artists and sing along at home with your friends.

6. Pamper yourself in a spa; get a makeover

Nothing better than getting a makeover – a good haircut/a new look altogether, and a good body massage. Treat yourself to a day there.  

7. Go clubbing

Friends, good food, spirits, and your favourite club – all you need for a good birthday nite!

8. Retail therapy; gift yourself something nice

Spend some time with yourself, shop for an exciting birthday outfit, and get yourself a good perfume/accessories. Tadaaa…you are ready!

9. Theme birthday & dance party

Some of you may want some novelty. Choose a crazy theme and dress code for the party. Invite friends and dance away!

10. Yes, Blow the candle

Ask for the craziest wish, make the weirdest toast, and pole vault and dance (literally!) into a new milestone!

So, what are you waiting for? As they say – Smile as long as you have teeth, Celebrate until your last breath! It’s your birthday. So crash and wham-bam into a new year!

Follow Priya Rajendran and The Word Route

Isn’t life equally about sunshine and twilight? Isn’t life about glee and gloom together? Why is it so difficult to trespass the feeling of hurt and sorrow, the heartache? Maybe we all need a moment of understanding.

We are a generation who have experienced yet not experienced life to the fullest. So here it is, the days that seem not so great are to perhaps rejoice and to learn from.

One of the biggest life lessons is to learn to heal. Heal from scars that may or may not have been the outcome of our actions. Yet, many do not understand how to heal wholly.

The first step is to accept. Accept that everything happens for a reason and we do not always have to understand. Things may not seem to fall in place at the moment but hey, Pause. Breathe. Smile. Maybe count to ten. There’s always tomorrow and there’s always a way.

Uncertainties are just as part of us humans as feeling hungry! If we’re uncertain or worried about something, talking to ourselves can be where we start. Feeling comfortable in talking and understanding ourselves is one step towards better mental health.

Unfortunately, we have created a vaccum within ourselves, trying to pretend that we’re fine, smile throughout the day, talk nicely to others, be the social media bomb, and influence others around us to see just the “good part”. And it’s normal. It’s what we’ve been doing for so long. But the question is, why? Why is it so difficult for us to let people (at least the ones we claim to be dear) know that something is not alright? Think about it!

The second step towards being a better version of ourselves is to open up. Having one person to whom we can open up and share what we feel is a great way to heal emotionally and mentally. Letting out what is bothering us will help us ease the situation inside our heads.

The third step is to smile. Yes, as simple as a smile! Smiling and knowing it’s just a phase and things are going to be fine is so comforting. May not be the easiest of solutions, but it does work. Looking into the mirror, and witnessing the greatest creation of God, it is next to impossible to not value our inner and outer selves. If we are not able to do so, we must practice the art! It’s huge, it’s life-changing.

Be grateful. Yes, for what we have and have not, let’s begin by being grateful. That’s the next step to becoming wholly us. It’s not always easy to let go of what our heart desires. However, it’s not all we are. We are way above our desires and wants. We create them inside our heads and look for them, not understanding that searching desperately only makes it difficult to obtain. Therefore, one at a time. Something’s not happening, it’s alright! The universe has its own time. Things are going to be just fine.

So hug life, smile, rejoice each day, feel and believe, hope and inspire, create and experience… Life is too short to not give ourselves a second chance, even if it does not make sense to anyone else. Make hay when the sun shines but don’t lose hope when it’s not as sunny as you want it to be!

Heal. From within. So we can live. Wholly...

Follow Aakanksha Dinah

Books have their charm. The print is something that will always remain with you until death. No wonder books are called a man’s best friend. Books influence thoughts, ideas and they can shape your entire life. 

Each book that I have read, holds a special place in my heart! Ask any bibliophile (a name given to book lovers) if a book altered his or her life. The answer will always be in the affirmative because a true book lover not only reads a book for pleasure but also imbibes the values of the book and applies it in real life – probably follows the book’s lead character for life. 

Simple storybooks have the power to inspire you to do anything – traveling, choosing a career or job, learning an art form, mastering life skills, and much more. Kudos to the storytellers who have inspired us to do something different, take unconventional paths.

Freedom movements across the globe have been inspired by books and literature written by passionate authors. Causes have been fought for and various important missions implemented thanks to the print. One of the most famous quotes says, “The pen is mightier than the sword”. Indeed, words are quite powerful in influencing minds. The list of book genres that have inspired the human race is endless.

Historically Speaking…

One of the earliest books that came into existence is the “The Epic of Gilgamesh”. It was a poem written on a stone tablet during the Mesopotamian era. Later, the Romans and Greeks invented wax tablets (wood layered with wax). In the 600 A.D., parchments came to the fore. The word parchment originated from the ancient Greek city called Pergamum. 

Parchments were nothing but processed skins of the calves of sheep and goats that were used to write. People wrote on parchments to deliver messages to people or royal announcements. Later, the printed hardcover and softcover counterparts came into being in the 19th century. Hardcover books were generally published for the elite and softcover books were for the lower classes. There came to be a class distinction in terms of books published at the time. Publishing houses came into existence. The rest as they say is history!

Inspiring the UN-inspired

I simply loved this quote. It sums up human beings’ earliest love for books: “Old books exert a strange fascination for me — their smell, their feel, their history; wondering who might have owned them, how they lived, what they felt.”

I so resonate with this because I still love taking my old books and smelling them, turning pages, and smelling them. Now, of course, thanks to digital distractions, the moments spent with my beloved books have shortened. There was hardly any book that did not inspire me to start a new adventure! I am sure most of you would reminisce about the books they read in your childhood. Authors possessed the magic of interweaving words in such a way you will remain engaged. Binge reading vis-a-vis a movie or series binge was more of the trend then. Nights would be spent hooked to that novel you were forbidden to read in the day! Each character of the book came alive at night. Fictional conversations with them in their cities were a timeline transfer and double treat! 

Back then, books were also suggested to those who needed a direction to begin something new. Books of philosophers were suggested to reignite tired minds. Now e-books, TEDx talks, and podcasts have taken over. Even then, a true-blue bibliophile like me will not let the beloved print be replaced with its digital version. 

The “Un-inspired” can still browse through the non-fiction section of book shops. Non-fiction has myriad genres. Coined the self-help section, it is still the busiest and most sought-after section in all bookshops for years. It includes myriad topics from love, sex, gardening, pets, career, biographies, money, spirituality, astrology, public speaking, and more. You name the topic and you are sure to find it.

At the end of this blog, readers are requested to list your favourite book/books that turned your life and let me know why, how... 

Here are the Top 10 Books that inspired me

1. To Kill a Mocking Bird – Harper Lee
A growing-up tale of a young girl’s angst amidst racial conflicts and rape.

2. The Diary of a Young Girl – Anne Frank
The life of a 13-year-old girl takes a wrench as Hitler begins mass extermination of Jews. Her writings in a diary reflect her vulnerabilities, fears, her first love, and hopes for a better future which she penned in her secret attic.

3. The God of Small Things – Arundhati Roy
The life of two fraternal twins and their scarred childhoods amidst caste conflicts, misogyny, betrayals, and so-called love laws in 1960s Kerala. 

4. The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
Written by an Afghan-American author, it is the tale of a young Afghan boy who grapples with conflicts in Afghanistan that are undergoing a transition from monarchy to democracy.

5. Messages from the Masters – Dr Brian Weiss
A beautiful book where Dr Weiss helps you learn about the power of love in the universe and how to tap it.

6. The Forty Rules of Love – Elif Shafak
A Turkish author who traces the story of a Jewish author’s journey into the life of Rumi and his lover Shams, and love in spiritual form. 

7. Persian Mirrors – The Elusive Face of Iran - Elaine Sciolino 
The author’s journey as a woman reporter in Iran, covers three decades of political reign, conflicts in leadership, and the life of women behind the iron veils.

8. Burned Alive – Souad
The real story of a woman who survives a failed honour killing and beats all odds to survive and narrates her own story.

9. Martina – George Vecsey (autobiography of tennis star Martina Navratilova)
The story of a super inspiring sports legend and tennis star of her time who still shines bright. Her name still brings a smile to our faces.

10. Darlingji – Kishwar Desai (Love story of Sunil Dutt and Nargis)
A tale of two legends – their reel and real-life love story, struggles, and journey together as soulmates.

Happy Reading!!

Comment below the books that turned your life around. Tell me all bout it…

Follow Priya Rajendran

I simply love how Ralph Waldo Emerson describes summer: “Live in the sunshine. Swim in the sea. Drink in the wild air”. Adding to his most romantic definitions of this hot season, I would add more to this beautiful quote: "Bring on a zing and bling to your wardrobe as well!"

After a particularly dreary and freezing winter and a warm spring, a blazing summer zooms in. But at the same time, the same hot summer ushers in all the vibrant colours and styles in clothes too. Planet Earth is blessed in terms of beautiful seasons and their rich colours. Each season sports a different mood, clothing, and food. I as an Earthling feel super blessed in terms of variety. Our moods are also affected by the clothes we wear every season. Hence it is important to choose the right colours and textures for every season. 

While summer brings in lots of light (vis a vis winter) it brings in the dreaded heat that drains out all our energies. With the mercury rising, clothes become a sticky affair, and hence the need for softer, thinner textures and shorter lengths too. Since darker colours and thicker fabrics attract more heat, lighter colours with smaller prints are recommended. Floral prints are popular every summer and cotton clothes in pastel shades replace the darker coloured thick woollens in our wardrobes. 

Wait, did you just hear a “Sale, Sale, Sale” or a “Summer Shopping Festival” buzz on your phone? I am sure your SMS and email inboxes or Whatsapp are flooding with offers. Artificial Intelligence is faster in sensing your needs these days than your family or friends. One browser search is enough to activate sales alerts.

Over some time, fashionistas and fabric connoisseurs alike have come up with clothes meant for every season. Markets are the best indicators for every season’s clothing. As every season approaches, you can see a vivid change in the shop displays and street market displays too. 

Summers ain’t different! Observe the shelves changing into hues of pastels, greens, yellow, and orange. You will find everything from sleeveless tops, tank tops, blouses, crop tops to capris, shorts, minis, LBRs, and one-piece dresses. It is one of the best seasons to experiment with colours and designs as well. As they say: “The funkier, the merrier”.

Just walk to your nearest street and shop away! Await the hottest summer deals and get geared to be cool this summer. Here are the top 10 summer wardrobe tips.

It’s time to ditch the wintery blacks, greys, the synthetic and woollens, and the Spring’s warm clothes.
Give a cool, green, summery twist to your wardrobe!

1. Adopt lighter, pastel shades

Summer’s here! Choose light colours that are soothing for the eye and the skin alike. Adding softer shades of blues and greens in your wardrobe will help you bash the summer blues away.

2. Go for Cotton, Linens 

Always go for fabrics that help you breathe in the heat. Thin flannel, cotton or linen, or any material that helps air flow easily in your body.

3. Oh yeah! Tank tops

Men and women alike can opt for this cool option in this sweltering heat. Your best body partner for the season. Vests in the wardrobe keep the heat away.

4. Choose Denim shorts/skirts

Flaunt your legs in style this season with the trendiest cuts. Pair it with your favourite tank tops, blouses, and crop tops.

5. White shirts...White shirts...White shirts...

These will never run out of trend/fashion. White is chic and sexy! Pair your shirt with cool denim/capris. Fashionista tip for girls: tie the ends of the shirt in a knot and rev it above your belly. 

6. The Quirky Print route

Myriad prints colouring the markets in vibrant hues – floral, animal, tribal art, and even the quirky! You could even design your shirts and kurtas. Search for DIYs to create your combinations.

7. Cold shoulders are back!

This trend hasn’t gone off the markets for years. It surfaces every summer with new cuts and floral prints. Get yourself one if you don’t have one already! Pair it with shorts/capris/jeans.

8. Go Asymmetrical

Trending these days, available in breezy and flowy materials with beautiful prints, there is an amazing collection of these online and offline! Just take your pick from a gorgeous colour palette.

9. Flowy's In!

Frocks in smooth, soft fabrics that run off your body like butter are a must-have for your wardrobe. These are chic, trendy too. 

10. Strappy sandals & Hoop earrings

And finally, get your sun hat on, wear your loopy, hoop earrings, treat your feet with a pair of strappy sandals and enjoy a lovely evening stroll. This is a must-have in your summer wardrobe!

Stay cool and happy this summer wherever you live – the grasslands, plains, mountains, or a valley! Make sure you enjoy the season with your favourite food and drinks. Let your hair down and add a little fashion bling to your clothes. Signing off with these beautiful lines on summer by Benjamin Alire Sáenz 

“Summertime. 
It was a song.
It was a season.
I wondered if that season would ever live inside of me”

Follow Priya Rajendran & The Word Route

“Freedom isn’t the ability to say yes, it is the ability to say No”. And how true is this! Ironically, we end up doing the reverse, saying Yes when we have to say No. We limit our freedom.

Picture this, you are working on a project and receive a call from a colleague. He asks if you could help with an ongoing project in your office. You are probably occupied with another work but out of goodwill, you say a yes. After a few days, you receive similar requests, and this time you want to decline but feel stuck. You feel confused and overwhelmed. It will be a vicious cycle that will be difficult for you to break.

Recently, an acquaintance called to request if I could help with a task, and for the first time, I said I could not help. The person mentioned the task, said it would take me a few days to finish and it included working on weekends. She genuinely required someone to help her. I have had worked on weekends until recently but decided to reserve time for my family. So, I politely refused. Another time, a friend approached for another help and I had to turn her down too. I have started saying yes to saying No. This is my story. 

Well, as I have said in my previous ’10 Reason’s Why,’ doing something against your heart, against your will, will only lead to more unhappiness within you. And, if you are not happy, others around you would either be. Refer keys to Self-Love. 

My journey from “Yes” to “No” took me many years. So, it is extremely relatable when someone tells me they just don’t know how to refuse or turn down someone. And, if like me, you are an empath, a person who is sensitive about others’ feelings and puts others’ feelings above yours, it becomes double challenging to say NO. Old colleagues and associates would chide me often for taking up projects/work of other co-workers just to help them out. But in the end, I would lose out on precious “me time”. I realized this much later. 

An empath’s emotional cycle

Typically, an empath will often feel stuck in a cycle, unable to break it. I have always been an empath. Each time the empath tries to convey they are busy it ends up looking more like a Yes or an affirmation for the other person. The reason is the body language – it’s vague! Most women face this in their daily lives. They end up taking more work – more than they can handle. Right from morning to evening, whether it’s household chores, kids, cooking, cleaning, or for their profession, women somehow manage to squeeze in extra time for that one “small” chore/help someone needs from them. Unfortunately, many such “small chores” lead to many and eventually end in exhaustion and body breakdowns too! In the process, they end up draining off all their energies. So we should learn to say NO.

1. Maintain strong body language
Always be extremely clear with your voice, body language, and non-verbal gestures. You could sport a slight smile on the face and simply refuse to do the work. No apologies are needed either.

2. Show or share your calendar status
Even though NO is a complete sentence, some of us find it difficult to be firm when it comes to refusing help. Show your calendar and mention your cut-off work time to the person (if you are in the office or even at home). If you are working remotely, you can send a screenshot on your phone to the person showing your schedule for the day. Once you do so, it will get easier to turn down.

3. Maintain a clear schedule – Soft-board & Online Sticky Notes
Keep a soft board at your workplace as well as at home. Make a weekly chart or timetable of all the work you have planned in the week and pin it there. Each time, a colleague/ any person approaches you for help, you can easily glance at your schedule and calculate the amount of time to finish your existing tasks. Once you set a cut-off time for completing your work, it will be much easier to decide whether you can take on an extra task apart from the existing ones. Those who are constantly on the move, and may not have time to check their soft boards, can set an alert on their phones as well. As soon as your phone buzzes notifying you of your day’s tasks (set at respective timings), you can plan to take on additional tasks accordingly. 

4. Empath Route
Use lines like “I feel you”, “I completely understand your situation” and follow it up by saying “I wished I could, but I cannot take on this additional task since it will delay my existing work.” No false promises here but genuine empathy is shown.

5. “I love the task, an excellent job opportunity, but…”
There are times when a compliment works wonders in refusing a person. It may be extremely tough to refuse the job especially if it is as per your requirements. So, begin your response by appreciating the task, thanking the person for the opportunity, and telling how you would love to do it. In the end, it will be easier to say you will not be able to handle the task.

6. Logic vs Emotions
It may sound a bit clinical/terse but try this. Start asking questions to the person offering the task/job/asking for help. Set aside emotions. a) What is the task about? b) How long will the task take to complete? c) How much do I have to do? d) What are XYZ’s expectations regarding the task. Depending on responses, you can turn down the task. NO heartburns/awkwardness.

7. Assert you love for providing quality output
This will help you refuse to do a job to a large extent. You can cite that the time period is too short to deliver a good quality product/output.

8. Set your value, choose yourself
Please set a higher value for yourself whenever you are approached with a project. It does help in filtering jobs that are not worth your time. 

9. You aren’t an elastic band
After a lot of sticky situations where I wasn’t able to say no because I was approached by known people, I realized I was over stretching myself. I was sitting beyond working hours just to complete deadlines. 

10. Follow your instincts 
The moment you get a job assigned to u or someone approaches you with a project, you will get the vibes easily. You will be able to get a cursory glance into the time and money aspects of the projects. Choose accordingly and say no to doing something you don’t want to do. 

Reserving the right to say no might make you look like a vamp/villain, for awhile. But trust me, once you make it a part of your system, people will stop taking you for granted! Trust me, it is the most exhilarating and liberating feeling. So, whether you are a woman/man, be aware of your feelings, be clear with your thoughts and learn to be firm. You need NOT agree to do every work that is offered to you. 

Follow Priya Rajendran 
Follow The Word Route

Detox seems to be in trend now. Everyone going through a rough patch or wanting to end stagnation in their life is taking this route. The beginning of the pandemic till now has become “that” time for people to pause and reflect upon what was happening in life. Priorities have also shifted from a fast, quick-fix life to a relatively slower lifestyle, spending more time with the family, engaging in activities that have never been done earlier. 

So, what does detoxify actually mean? Its classic definition means getting rid of unwanted, harmful substances from the body. While doing research on detoxifying, I came across myriad topics on “how to detox”. A browser search will typically throw up results like – how to detox the blood, liver, lungs, skin, brain, yourself, and even the mind! But very few links on “how to detox” the friend list. It is understandable why “toxic friendship” won’t be seen in search lists (there may be a few random links). Friendship is a sacrosanct relationship. It is about being yourself with people who love you and have stood by you through thick and thin. So how can friends be toxic, you would ask – rather anyone would question. It is possible not to accept there are and can be toxic friends too. Who are they, anyway?

Friends are human beings after all and friendships like other relationships can have changed, and twists and turns in tone too. They will be happy, joyful, jealous, bitter, angry, and will probably have hatred as well. We accept all of it in a friend. But when the behaviour of a friend begins to affect us, it is time to have a talk with that friend and convey your discomfort to them. If the friend continues to behave in the same pattern – abusive tone/sarcastic statements, it is time to move away from him/her. A conscious step away will make you realize the toxic cycle you were in or were going to be entangled in. Just ask yourself a few questions – How are you feeling after a particular episode/conflict with the friend? Is this friendship affecting your daily life? Do you have friends who do the same? Can I cut myself off from this friend? 

If the answer to the above questions is yes and a feeling of negativity is permeating you thinking about the friend, it is time to move on!

Filtering out/decluttering – a process

So, how do you filter out toxic friends? All of us are familiar with physical and mental detoxification. There is a third type now – detoxifying or filtering of friends – physically as well as online – friends whom we meet regularly and those whom we meet online. 

A friend recently declared on her social media timeline that she has successfully “decluttered” her friend list. All of us are into some type of social media platform and sharing a slice of our life there almost on a daily (even hourly basis). We have added our friends in the friend – school, college, colleagues, and some like-minded friends we met on our social media accounts and some with whom we network (albeit virtual professional networks). We added some friends just because they are “friends of friends”. Go to your timeline and remove all those “friends of friends” whom you have never met and who don’t have any profile pictures. These are also a part of your toxic circles!

Identify the Red flags 

So, why do a detox of these friends? 

• You may or may not agree with friends all the time but if they begin to interfere or harm your physical and mental space, it is time to say goodbye to them. 
• The moment a friend starts telling you to choose between friends, choose to cut off.
• Whatever be the medium – physical/online, harming may mean leaving you emotionally drained. One of the ways of harming could be gaslighting. It doesn’t only happen in relationships but in friendships as well. 
• You end up being uncomfortable and constantly anxious around them – especially the unpredictability in their reactions. At times, it is a sunny high and at times, a moony low. 
• When you recognize these signs, you start maintaining a distance and gradually cutting off from them. You don’t want them to know what is happening in your life or even their life. 
• Agreeing to disagree is common among best buddies/friends but when a line is crossed by them – making you feel guilty or you becoming their emotional “punching bag” all the time, then it is time to detox. 

1. Recognize the red flags –
   Identify “friends” who are trying to put you down and drain you emotionally.
   
2. Confront –
   Ask your friend why he/she is behaving in a certain way. Normally the toxic friend will not have a clear reply. They may deny the behaviour completely. Just block the person after this – virtually & physically.
   
3. Slow fading off –
   Another way of moving out of this toxic friendship is gradually detaching communication – reduce the number of messages, taking lesser calls, and no meetings. Just block the number/email.
   
4. Zero conversations –
   Stop replying to messages or engaging in discussions with them. Your friend(s) will get the message and cut off himself/herself. 
   
5. Stop giving the benefit of the doubt – 
   There are no second chances for toxic “friends”. Each time, you give excuses for their bad behaviour and mask as “they are like this”, you are deceiving yourself. Once you do that, it will be easier to cut off.
   
6. No going back – 
   Once you cut off, avoid taking their calls or replying to messages. Do not think of returning because they will try giving you reasons for their behaviour and what triggered them. They will try to rationalize it too. The cycle may continue if you decide to forgive them.
   
7. Get an emotional closure – 
   Meet your friend one last time, explain the reasons for cutting off from the friendship and walk off.
   
8. Accept their absence – 
   If it is a friendship that has been for many years, then it is understandable to feel hurt. Recognizing the toxicity is a sign for you to understand and acknowledge that they have no more role to play in your life. Give yourself time to heal. 
   
9. Surround yourself with positive people –
   Meet other like-minded friends. The moment you meet friends who are supportive, you will recognize the toxicity better and keep away from “friends” who are putting you down at the slightest.
   
10. Engage in positive activities, meet new people –

The most important person is you and will remain always! So, the moment you start loving yourself more, you will surround yourself with positive people – people who will stick by you through thick and thin. More the self-love, the lesser you become a magnet for negative and toxic people. Say NO to toxicity.

Follow Priya Rajendran 
The Word Route