What you read above are matrimonial ads in a newspaper and if you are of marriageable age, there is a high chance that you must be familiar with them. You are either registered on a matrimonial site(s) or already appearing in newspapers’ matrimonial advertisements. 

Each one of us has a fair idea about the kind of spouse we want. At times, the criteria may be to choose families and at other times, it may be social status/class/caste/gothra/specific religious sects/ideologies. Each family to their own. Reasons for arranged marriages may vary – some do it for families or some voluntarily. Arranged marriages are changing trends now unlike earlier when girls or boys would be married off just by looking at a photograph. It is no longer the old trend. 

Arranging love

Bid goodbye to traditional neighborhood aunties entering modern matrimonials. Unlike earlier, when families sought neighborhood aunties/maasis/buas, today at the click of a mouse, matrimonial profiles can be created. These days, there are professionals who help you create a customized profile for filtering prospective matches. 

While you and your parents are busy browsing proposals, matrimony websites are equally busy trying to get you your best match. Not only the best match but also arranging “dates” for you. 

So, what do you look for in a prospective match? 

The above question must have crossed your head a million times before you decided to look for a life partner. Isn’t it? Very rarely do people now leave it to destiny to find their prospective match(es) – aka SRK-style movies. So, if you are the one who is filtering matches on a daily basis, I am very sure you would have found quirky proposals too. People pitching themselves forward on matrimony websites with all their traits and professional achievements and awards, and expectations of the future partner – all crammed into one page! Some criteria may leave you amused, some angry, some plain annoyed. But instead of losing your calm reading these profiles, why don’t you come up with your own “match points” and modify your profile? What would you like in your future life partner? If you are specific, you will get clear searches and there will be higher chances of finding your life partner better and faster at a click of a mouse. While in a newspaper, one needs to post criteria in limited sentences, (thanks to rates per word), on a website, you can create attractive profiles with your picture and add all your criteria there too. 

Traditional vs Modern Match Points

Traditional “match points” have been caste, religion, class, age, location, and profession/business. Modern match points have changed now thanks to better education, empowered belief systems, and broadminded families. It does not mean that the traditional horoscopes have been done away with! A modern twist has been given to traditional matchmaking for better compatibility. So, move over, traditional matchmakers, say the modern matchmakers.

1. Choosing the right medium –

A good matrimony website will filter and scan profiles as they are registering – age, profession, family background, income, and other personal information of matrimonial candidates. Men and women alike must feel safe sharing their information and seeking information from prospective candidates. Make sure you choose the right platform.

2. First impressions matter –

The more specific your profile (on the matrimonial website) is, the clearer other people will be about who you are, what you expect, and how your partner should be. Since newspapers have limited space, people must give information and their respective contacts in the grammatically correct language for prospective candidates to apply effectively.

3. First meeting –

Matrimonial websites are mostly for those who have chosen the arranged marriage path. So, after scanning, filtering, and doing proper background checks, it is time for the first meeting. These are vital for first impressions as well and responsible for influencing decisions.

4. Honesty and transparency –

It is extremely important for them to ensure transparency in the first meeting itself. These are two things that both families and the prospective couple meeting each other must keep in mind. The lack of both must be considered a red flag.

5. Ability to have flowing conversations –

Talk, talk, talk a lot! The couple (irrespective of family approval or not) must take their time to know each other and have conversations. Unlike the previous generations, shyness won’t help in knowing each other. Knowing both have to spend a lifetime together, they need to know the tiniest details without fearing repercussions. Unlike a love marriage, where couples have already dated, in arranged marriages, dating is rare. Families assume that if they are able to smile and talk to each other, it is by default understood that they will be together.

6. Ability to be yourself in front of him/her –

Once a rapport is established between two people, a bond begins where they can be themselves in front of the other person. Over a period of time, you will get an idea whether you have to put on an act to be comfortable with them or not. If you are putting on an act, it is a clear red flag that you need to think of. If not, you are ready to take the next step.

7. Professional commitments –

One of the rare traits that people look at before choosing their partner, is equally vital because it will show his passion for doing something in life. His career goals determine his work-life balance along with his focus on career goals with his life partner.

8. Close family ties

The prospective spouse’s relations with his or her family – how bonded it is and the transparency and honesty between family members can help you decide how you will be welcomed there. One can easily get vibes after interacting with the family during outings or perhaps family get-togethers. As they say: you not only marry the person but also the family”.

9. Acceptance of beliefs –

No two people can’t be the same and neither can two families be as alike as Siamese twins. But what clicks is their tolerance and acceptance of differences between them. It is extremely vital for compatibility between the couple and their families. During interactions, if this is missing, you can easily reconsider the alliance.

10. Letting go of the past baggage/s –

The most important step is the grand finale – letting go of past baggage (if any) and fears once you zero down on a prospective partner.

Disclaimer: Please do not have too many criteria while selecting your partner. The above list is for your reference but not a yardstick to choosing the correct partner. After all, it isn’t some competition, it is forever! Some of the criteria you list out may also vanish by the time you meet “the one”.

Whether it is the first marriage for you or the second or third innings, it is important that you are super clear about whom you want as a life partner. Nothing must hold you back while choosing “The One”. Leave out fears of ridicule/lack of trust/self-confidence outside when you are looking for your soulmate. Go by your gut instinct and ignore others’. Whoever is meant for you, will seek you no matter what! When you can say this: “There is no heart for me like yours”, you have found “The One”!

Follow Priya Rajendran