Inspirational

Touch Me Nots

/ dinah1995 / Leave a comment

We are all touch-me-nots sometimes. We don’t want to deal with the world and just want to not get up from the comfort of our bed. We feel overwhelmed and lazy, yet guilty for feeling so at the same time.

This Pandemic has brought along with it a lot of changes in terms of how we think, act, and process certain things in life. The simplest of tasks seem heavy duty and the most difficult at times, simple.

We feel hot and cold at the same time, lazy and active together, overloaded with work along with so much free time to cook! We feel a lot of things together!

WFH or Work-from-home was always a dream and when it came true, not many enjoyed it. On the contrary, not many want to go back to a proper nine to five job now. Things have changed for sure, people, their way of thinking, work have changed, home chores have changed, priorities, challenges, lifestyle, travel, everything has undergone a change.

Some have lost weight, gained weight, learned a new skill, unlearnt something, watched movies, reviewed them, traveled, become couch potatoes, and what not! Some have become touch-me-nots.

This is about those touch-me-nots. It’s alright to feel different. This is definitely a phase of change and evolution. All we need to do is stay calm, go with the flow and let time decide. We do not have to overburden ourselves with work, rather, take time out for self-love, write a book, write a poem, make a soulful meal, read a book, take a hot shower, take a small trip, meet a few people might just help. Of course, it is easy to say, but just allowing ourselves to give back to nature and build a better understanding of who we are will really help.

Many people lost their jobs and are really stressed. Many people had babies and are really happy. Let’s step forward and take charge of how we feel because at the end of it all, what really matters is how we feel about ourselves. Staying positive, feeling good, thinking good thoughts, attracting positive vibes, all make a difference. The universe has its own way of giving back. Let’s make sure what we get from nature is what we want!

So, wiggle a little, sing a song, tap those feet, it’s time to get out of the nutshell. Life is not to withdraw ourselves from everything. It’s about enjoying and partaking in the most precious moments which are in each minute that passes by. No more dwelling on any sort of guilt. No more narrowing down of thoughts. No more overwhelming responses to nature. No more saying NO. No more building a wall around ourselves. No more of being touch-me-nots. It’s time to break those chains and fly like a butterfly. Beautiful, elegant, healthy, vibrant, energetic, wholesome.

This Pandemic sure has taken a lot with it but it’s time to get back to business. It’s time to be better than how we were before the Pandemic! It’s just time to un-become touch-me-nots.

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Books That Turned My Life

/ Pozicool Raga / 1 Comment

Books have their charm. The print is something that will always remain with you until death. No wonder books are called a man’s best friend. Books influence thoughts, ideas and they can shape your entire life. 

Each book that I have read, holds a special place in my heart! Ask any bibliophile (a name given to book lovers) if a book altered his or her life. The answer will always be in the affirmative because a true book lover not only reads a book for pleasure but also imbibes the values of the book and applies it in real life – probably follows the book’s lead character for life. 

Simple storybooks have the power to inspire you to do anything – traveling, choosing a career or job, learning an art form, mastering life skills, and much more. Kudos to the storytellers who have inspired us to do something different, take unconventional paths.

Freedom movements across the globe have been inspired by books and literature written by passionate authors. Causes have been fought for and various important missions implemented thanks to the print. One of the most famous quotes says, “The pen is mightier than the sword”. Indeed, words are quite powerful in influencing minds. The list of book genres that have inspired the human race is endless.

Historically Speaking…

One of the earliest books that came into existence is the “The Epic of Gilgamesh”. It was a poem written on a stone tablet during the Mesopotamian era. Later, the Romans and Greeks invented wax tablets (wood layered with wax). In the 600 A.D., parchments came to the fore. The word parchment originated from the ancient Greek city called Pergamum. 

Parchments were nothing but processed skins of the calves of sheep and goats that were used to write. People wrote on parchments to deliver messages to people or royal announcements. Later, the printed hardcover and softcover counterparts came into being in the 19th century. Hardcover books were generally published for the elite and softcover books were for the lower classes. There came to be a class distinction in terms of books published at the time. Publishing houses came into existence. The rest as they say is history!

Inspiring the UN-inspired

I simply loved this quote. It sums up human beings’ earliest love for books: “Old books exert a strange fascination for me — their smell, their feel, their history; wondering who might have owned them, how they lived, what they felt.”

I so resonate with this because I still love taking my old books and smelling them, turning pages, and smelling them. Now, of course, thanks to digital distractions, the moments spent with my beloved books have shortened. There was hardly any book that did not inspire me to start a new adventure! I am sure most of you would reminisce about the books they read in your childhood. Authors possessed the magic of interweaving words in such a way you will remain engaged. Binge reading vis-a-vis a movie or series binge was more of the trend then. Nights would be spent hooked to that novel you were forbidden to read in the day! Each character of the book came alive at night. Fictional conversations with them in their cities were a timeline transfer and double treat! 

Back then, books were also suggested to those who needed a direction to begin something new. Books of philosophers were suggested to reignite tired minds. Now e-books, TEDx talks, and podcasts have taken over. Even then, a true-blue bibliophile like me will not let the beloved print be replaced with its digital version. 

The “Un-inspired” can still browse through the non-fiction section of book shops. Non-fiction has myriad genres. Coined the self-help section, it is still the busiest and most sought-after section in all bookshops for years. It includes myriad topics from love, sex, gardening, pets, career, biographies, money, spirituality, astrology, public speaking, and more. You name the topic and you are sure to find it.

At the end of this blog, readers are requested to list your favourite book/books that turned your life and let me know why, how... 
Here are the Top 10 Books that inspired me
1. To Kill a Mocking Bird – Harper Lee
A growing-up tale of a young girl’s angst amidst racial conflicts and rape.

2. The Diary of a Young Girl – Anne Frank
The life of a 13-year-old girl takes a wrench as Hitler begins mass extermination of Jews. Her writings in a diary reflect her vulnerabilities, fears, her first love, and hopes for a better future which she penned in her secret attic.

3. The God of Small Things – Arundhati Roy
The life of two fraternal twins and their scarred childhoods amidst caste conflicts, misogyny, betrayals, and so-called love laws in 1960s Kerala. 

4. The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
Written by an Afghan-American author, it is the tale of a young Afghan boy who grapples with conflicts in Afghanistan that are undergoing a transition from monarchy to democracy.

5. Messages from the Masters – Dr Brian Weiss
A beautiful book where Dr Weiss helps you learn about the power of love in the universe and how to tap it.

6. The Forty Rules of Love – Elif Shafak
A Turkish author who traces the story of a Jewish author’s journey into the life of Rumi and his lover Shams, and love in spiritual form. 

7. Persian Mirrors – The Elusive Face of Iran - Elaine Sciolino 
The author’s journey as a woman reporter in Iran, covers three decades of political reign, conflicts in leadership, and the life of women behind the iron veils.

8. Burned Alive – Souad
The real story of a woman who survives a failed honour killing and beats all odds to survive and narrates her own story.

9. Martina – George Vecsey (autobiography of tennis star Martina Navratilova)
The story of a super inspiring sports legend and tennis star of her time who still shines bright. Her name still brings a smile to our faces.

10. Darlingji – Kishwar Desai (Love story of Sunil Dutt and Nargis)
A tale of two legends – their reel and real-life love story, struggles, and journey together as soulmates.

Happy Reading!!

Comment below the books that turned your life around. Tell me all bout it…

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Perhaps

/ dinah1995 / Leave a comment

Life is a stage where we are all mere actors– good performers, bad players; mediocre, modest, tolerable…

The truth lies in the untold stories of tears and the sound of the loud laughter that shattered the silent nights of winters and in how the weary became more tired of the continuous and tiresome acting… What disturbs the sleepless nights, however, is not just the roar of the thunders, but the scream of the blunders that fearlessly frighten the inner soul whatsoever!

The truth lies in the monotonous life we live and the ragged sheets we try to sew. The decomposing corpse has more stories to say than the warm blood, which has more to hide than to show. A human being is a closed book of secrets, perhaps with an eternal lock on it. No one ever has the key to it, whatever they try to do. Ironically the book itself does not want to go back to the pages once turned – “no looking back” – it reads… Irony indeed!

The sound of the metals clashing against each other inside the brain fixes most of the trouble. The soothing pain in the heart so deep can bring tears from the eyes that fumble. This is a process I never understood. There is pain everywhere. The smiles and the joy fade with time. So do the tears: but why do the smiles fade faster?

Music calms the soul – so does alcohol – bitter truths make fairytales and ugly lies, a life…

Let us not make conclusions because life is a magical mystery box – full of surprises – from rags to riches, from heights to nothing – from this to that, from here to there! We never know! We should never perhaps! It is supposed to be a surprise!

Perhaps, life is a trampoline with beads scattered all around, taking us so far into a world of poise and warmth, ice and fire, good and the bad… Perhaps, life is more than what it may look like.

Perhaps, there is more to the story…

Perhaps…

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CathMeri Days

/ Chippy Kurian Chacko / 4 Comments 
Meet the two dancing sisters and You Tubers from Kerala, South India. Catherine and Merin, with 2.94K subscribers they are dancing their way into our hearts with their youtube channel 'CathMeri Days.'  Let's find out more.

Hello! I am Cathrine, I am studying in 10th grade. I enjoy cooking, listening to music, and watching movies. My passion is dancing and I love planning, preparing, choreographing and creating dance steps to any music I love. I also do create youtube videos with my sister during my free time.

I am Merin. I am 10 years old and studying in 5th grade. I love cooking, dancing and playing guitar. I have a Youtube Channel called CathMeri Days. My sister and I create and upload dance videos. I love to dance to the trending songs and share our videos on our Youtube Channel. 

Dance. When and how did you fall in love with dance?

Cathrine
When I was small, (I am still..)I danced to my favorite songs at my home. Seeing this talent my mother enrolled me into a dance institute, which was a stepping stone in my dancing passion. My teacher set me on the right path, making every dance move perfect and making me fall in love with dance. Growing up I got a lot of stage performances to perform various types of dance forms. Practicing for a while then putting up makeup and wearing beautiful costumes to perform a dance form was absolutely a joy for me!

Merin
Well, When I was 4 to 5 Years old I have participated in a dance competition in my school. I started studying dance when I was in 2nd grade. I love to watch some videos of dance so that I could learn new steps and make our performance better on our Youtube Channel.

What's your favorite dance form and why?

Cathrine
I love every dance form but particularly my favorite is Bharatanatyam because when I perform Bharatanatyam I have certain confidence rising out of my soul, also I feel more comfortable in performing in this style.

Merin
My Favorite form of dance is classical and a bit of western.
It’s nice and easy to dance to.

Who is your favourite dancer and why?

Cathrine
The first dancer I look up to is Manju Warrier Ma’m. I always admire the grace and beauty with which she performs each step. She inspires me with her gorgeous expressions and her dedication to her dance.

Merin
I don’t know many dancers. But I do love Shobhana Ma’m. I love the way she teaches the steps and the movements, (I see her online videos). Also how gracefully she performs.

If you were granted three wishes, what would you ask for?

Cathrine
To have a happy and fulfilling life would be my first wish, followed by a successful and rewarding career, and finally making my parents happy and proud.

Merin
To have a good life and a job. Make my family proud and have the best youtube channel.

What is your dream? What do you want to be in 10 years?

Cathrine
My dream is to have a successful life with a good job. I would like to grow my YouTube channel too. In 10 years, I would probably have reached heights by making my dreams come true in both education and dance. Also by exploring my favorite places and as well as ticking my bucket list.

Merin
My Dream is to be a Chef, Baker, or Engineer. Not yet decided but I will be one of them! Definitely.

Have you ever felt worried? And if yes, what are you worried about?

Cathrine
Yes, of course! I have worried about the war in Ukraine and I do empathize with the people of Ukraine, I do feel their pain, leaving behind their home, loved ones, everything they know, and heading towards the unknown, I cannot imagine. I do feel stressed thinking about their loss and the chaos they have to go through.

Merin
Yes, I have worried about the pandemic. Well, to be truthful, I first enjoyed the days of the pandemic but after 3 to 4 months I started feeling bored. It was such bland, and boring months.

What prompted you to start CathMeri Days, your youtube channel? And how are you enjoying being on Social Media?

Cathrine
Even though a lot of times I have searched on youtube for songs, dance videos or DIY, etc I never really knew that normal people like us also can post videos on youtube. Getting the drive to start a youtube channel is when everyone during the lockdown period started to make one, as I was always passionate about creating a youtube channel. I was also going with the same flow, so I decided to make this channel with my sister and got the name of our youtube channel “CathMeri Days”.

But like every other human being we were shy in facing the camera and getting into the public domain. To get over this, our biggest supporter and constant motivator was my mother. She always encouraged us to make a youtube channel and to date, she is the backbone of our youtube existence. The next person is my father, he has backed us with all technical contributions, which is the major part of social media. He gives inspiring ideas and motivation for my sister and me to do our work well. I am grateful for having such supportive parents for making this dream of ours a reality.

All of us do enjoy spending time on social media, but for us, it’s uplifting, it’s a family affair, and we enjoy that a lot! We get so much appreciation, heart-touching comments, and feedback. Overall ‘CathMeri Days’ makes our day better!

Merin
My Mother and sister shared the idea of starting a Youtube channel when I was in 2nd grade. But we didn’t know how to start or how to upload videos on our youtube channel. Now, we are a team. Yes, I love to be on social media to do reels and videos. It’s fun.

You must get lots of good feedback and a few negative vibes. Do you get people who criticize you? If yes, how do you manage negative comments?

Cathrine
Yes, we do get people who criticize us. “When there is good, there is also bad ”. Similarly, we have people who love our videos and we have people who dislike our videos too. First, when I used to get negative comments, I used to feel sad, but at the very next second it motivates me to do better next time, this makes us improve and do better. Now. I believe, getting negative vibes and comments is motivation in disguise.

Merin
We get some bad comments and a lot of good comments. Why should we consider bad comments if we have lots and lots of good comments!

Finally, How did covid affect you personally? After 2 years schools have opened partially, you walked with your school bags to school. What was the feeling of seeing your friends, teacher? How does it feel to be back in school?

Cathrine
When I saw my teachers and friends after 2 long years, the feeling was indescribable. As we were locked up in our houses, just seeing the family members all the time reduced my capability of social interaction. Whereas getting back to school is the best thing that I can have today for myself.

Merin
Yes, I was very glum looking at the computer straight for 3 to 4 hours. My God! It was very disheartening. And after 2 years I met my classmates and teachers again and I am so happy, glad to see them all.

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The Storyteller

/ ksyamala1954 / Leave a comment

“Happiness is nothing if there is no sorrow sometimes, failures are also inspiring.” These days school openings are monumentalized with pomp and colour. Kids are happy to witness the school welcome ceremony. They are enjoying the comfort, the homely atmosphere, like a home away from home. Today, they desire to be at school, something attractive, not a dreadful place. All these changes are sudden, thanks to the psychological approach of the authorities at the helm.

Every morning before going to the Ezhuthupally (old traditional nursery schools) Ma, my mother used to beat me. Yes. You heard right. At times Ma also accompanied me with a stick in hand halfway to my school. I was afraid and reluctant to go to the Ezhuthupally. The figure of the Ashaan (Master) still stays fresh in my mind. Ashaan was a tall, heavy, and bald man. His eyes and mouth were reddish, he always chewed pan (sweet and sour nuts rolled in beetle leaves). There was no trace of compassion or love left with him. For me, walking inside the Ezhuthupally was equal to entering a butcher’s shop, and I thought of myself as a prey dragged in, to be slaughtered.

Waving a choral vadi (cane stick) in his hand he speaks and showers of red saliva sprinkle all over us kids. I was not at all in his good books as he never preferred crying kids. The thatched Ezhuthupally was the extension of Ashaan’s own house. It had no bench or desk. We sat on the sand-filled verandah. He wrote Malayalam alphabets on the sand. The first letter ‘Hari’ was ok for me to write, but the second letter ‘sree’ looked weird. I overwrite his scripture.

Despite how hard I embarked, I couldn’t construct it myself. After so many attempts Aashan got angry. He started pinching my thigh using a bit of sand in-between his fingers. I had always cried aloud with pain. Sometimes he used to whip me with the choral stick. He grabbed my forefinger and made me write on the sand forcefully. In the process, the tip of my finger got hurt, and blood began to ooze out.

It was hard to eat my lunch with my bruised hand. Though the ordeal was unbearable, I was afraid to share my woes with Maa. She believed such punishment from elders was always for the shining destiny of the kids. Usually, my cousin abetted me to the nursery. When she leaves I trotted after her crying. As days passes she was fed up with my behaviour and stopped accompanying me. Then the turn plunged into my elder sister. She dropped me off before going to her class and picked me up after class disburses.

On that fateful day while returning home, carrying a small tiffin box in one hand and holding my sister’s hand with the other hand a cycle hit me from behind. I fell on the metalled road, and that’s all I remember. When I became conscious, I felt the warmth of the hands wrapped around me, heard the rhythmic heartbeat like a delightful lullaby.

Holding me tightly Appa, my father was running towards the hospital. I didn’t feel any pain, instead, I felt I was flying. That incident was piteous. But I thought that the cyclist was a representative of the Almighty to succour me from my horrible ephialtes of the Ezuthupally. I stopped going there. I never saw the face of the master again in my life.

Appa bought me books with pictures instead of letters. He found time to introduce me to the world of letters in a beguiling way. he never rebuked me or punished me whenever I made mistakes. Even though he had only formal primary education, he was a master of multi-languages. He had shared with us enchanting bedtime stories.

Besides Malayalam, Appa read our stories of Ambilimama, Kalki, Kumudam, Rani, all Tamil periodicals to habitat us with other languages too. Gradually he stopped reading stories to us and presented a multi-lingual book for self-learning. This time, he corrected us whenever we made mistakes. Learning seems enjoyable. Thus, slowly, and steadily I was attracted to the world of engrossing evergreen stories.

Memories of endearment became sweeter when we have parted ways, sometimes forever. I often comprehended that my heavenly father is sitting in the middle of a group of glaring children and narrating galvanic stories to them.

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Its Time for a Summer Makeover

/ Pozicool Raga / 3 Comments 
I simply love how Ralph Waldo Emerson describes summer: “Live in the sunshine. Swim in the sea. Drink in the wild air”. Adding to his most romantic definitions of this hot season, I would add more to this beautiful quote: "Bring on a zing and bling to your wardrobe as well!"

After a particularly dreary and freezing winter and a warm spring, a blazing summer zooms in. But at the same time, the same hot summer ushers in all the vibrant colours and styles in clothes too. Planet Earth is blessed in terms of beautiful seasons and their rich colours. Each season sports a different mood, clothing, and food. I as an Earthling feel super blessed in terms of variety. Our moods are also affected by the clothes we wear every season. Hence it is important to choose the right colours and textures for every season. 

While summer brings in lots of light (vis a vis winter) it brings in the dreaded heat that drains out all our energies. With the mercury rising, clothes become a sticky affair, and hence the need for softer, thinner textures and shorter lengths too. Since darker colours and thicker fabrics attract more heat, lighter colours with smaller prints are recommended. Floral prints are popular every summer and cotton clothes in pastel shades replace the darker coloured thick woollens in our wardrobes. 

Wait, did you just hear a “Sale, Sale, Sale” or a “Summer Shopping Festival” buzz on your phone? I am sure your SMS and email inboxes or Whatsapp are flooding with offers. Artificial Intelligence is faster in sensing your needs these days than your family or friends. One browser search is enough to activate sales alerts.

Over some time, fashionistas and fabric connoisseurs alike have come up with clothes meant for every season. Markets are the best indicators for every season’s clothing. As every season approaches, you can see a vivid change in the shop displays and street market displays too. 

Summers ain’t different! Observe the shelves changing into hues of pastels, greens, yellow, and orange. You will find everything from sleeveless tops, tank tops, blouses, crop tops to capris, shorts, minis, LBRs, and one-piece dresses. It is one of the best seasons to experiment with colours and designs as well. As they say: “The funkier, the merrier”.

Just walk to your nearest street and shop away! Await the hottest summer deals and get geared to be cool this summer. Here are the top 10 summer wardrobe tips.

It’s time to ditch the wintery blacks, greys, the synthetic and woollens, and the Spring’s warm clothes.
Give a cool, green, summery twist to your wardrobe!

1. Adopt lighter, pastel shades

Summer’s here! Choose light colours that are soothing for the eye and the skin alike. Adding softer shades of blues and greens in your wardrobe will help you bash the summer blues away.

2. Go for Cotton, Linens

Always go for fabrics that help you breathe in the heat. Thin flannel, cotton or linen, or any material that helps air flow easily in your body.

3. Oh yeah! Tank tops

Men and women alike can opt for this cool option in this sweltering heat. Your best body partner for the season. Vests in the wardrobe keep the heat away.

4. Choose Denim shorts/skirts

Flaunt your legs in style this season with the trendiest cuts. Pair it with your favourite tank tops, blouses, and crop tops.

5. White shirts...White shirts...White shirts...

These will never run out of trend/fashion. White is chic and sexy! Pair your shirt with cool denim/capris. Fashionista tip for girls: tie the ends of the shirt in a knot and rev it above your belly. 

6. The Quirky Print route

Myriad prints colouring the markets in vibrant hues – floral, animal, tribal art, and even the quirky! You could even design your shirts and kurtas. Search for DIYs to create your combinations.

7. Cold shoulders are back!

This trend hasn’t gone off the markets for years. It surfaces every summer with new cuts and floral prints. Get yourself one if you don’t have one already! Pair it with shorts/capris/jeans.

8. Go Asymmetrical

Trending these days, available in breezy and flowy materials with beautiful prints, there is an amazing collection of these online and offline! Just take your pick from a gorgeous colour palette.

9. Flowy's In!

Frocks in smooth, soft fabrics that run off your body like butter are a must-have for your wardrobe. These are chic, trendy too. 

10. Strappy sandals & Hoop earrings

And finally, get your sun hat on, wear your loopy, hoop earrings, treat your feet with a pair of strappy sandals and enjoy a lovely evening stroll. This is a must-have in your summer wardrobe!

Stay cool and happy this summer wherever you live – the grasslands, plains, mountains, or a valley! Make sure you enjoy the season with your favourite food and drinks. Let your hair down and add a little fashion bling to your clothes. Signing off with these beautiful lines on summer by Benjamin Alire Sáenz 

“Summertime. 
It was a song.
It was a season.
I wondered if that season would ever live inside of me”

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FRIENDS

/ dinah1995 / Leave a comment

​Friends are those who share our popcorn at the movies, and the ones who help us laugh it off when we fall. Friendship is what calms the raging sea within as well as sets the fire ablaze. Perhaps the best paradox one could think of.

Think about it, when we have people around us who encourage us, who nudge on our shoulders when we are falling prey to the mundane everyday life, we must realize that he or she is a friend! When we are stopped from doing something foolish, when we are appreciated for what we do, and when we are guarded when required, we have friends. I don’t want to categorize friends as good ones and bad. Friends, undoubtedly, are the best!

Let me speak frankly, I have not made amazing friends as others have. Yes, I mean it. I feel, (this is extremely on a personal note), that good friends are gifts and they are not made, they are kept! Treasured.

There are so many people who we call friends, and who turn out to be troublemakers – well, I do believe, they are friends too. I feel those who share their time with us and those who invest their efforts to be with us are friends. They may have different intentions and may want to harm us. However, if we are clear in our conscience, they are friends!

To me, each person has a part to play in our lives. Good or bad, someone being in our lives has a reason. Today, let us take all those people who claimed to be our friends and those who “stabbed” our backs. Let us heal by calling them, friends. It is because of them that we learned how to be and how not to be. It is they who taught us that life is not a bed of roses and that this world is a competitive one!

Today, let us break the norms of who our are friends are. Let us heal by calling them our friends too – I truly know for a fact that they perhaps taught us much more about life, gave us life lessons than any of our true friends ever did…

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Saying Yes to Saying NO

/ Pozicool Raga / 3 Comments

“Freedom isn’t the ability to say yes, it is the ability to say No”. And how true is this! Ironically, we end up doing the reverse, saying Yes when we have to say No. We limit our freedom.

Picture this, you are working on a project and receive a call from a colleague. He asks if you could help with an ongoing project in your office. You are probably occupied with another work but out of goodwill, you say a yes. After a few days, you receive similar requests, and this time you want to decline but feel stuck. You feel confused and overwhelmed. It will be a vicious cycle that will be difficult for you to break.

Recently, an acquaintance called to request if I could help with a task, and for the first time, I said I could not help. The person mentioned the task, said it would take me a few days to finish and it included working on weekends. She genuinely required someone to help her. I have had worked on weekends until recently but decided to reserve time for my family. So, I politely refused. Another time, a friend approached for another help and I had to turn her down too. I have started saying yes to saying No. This is my story. 

Well, as I have said in my previous ’10 Reason’s Why,’ doing something against your heart, against your will, will only lead to more unhappiness within you. And, if you are not happy, others around you would either be. Refer keys to Self-Love. 

My journey from “Yes” to “No” took me many years. So, it is extremely relatable when someone tells me they just don’t know how to refuse or turn down someone. And, if like me, you are an empath, a person who is sensitive about others’ feelings and puts others’ feelings above yours, it becomes double challenging to say NO. Old colleagues and associates would chide me often for taking up projects/work of other co-workers just to help them out. But in the end, I would lose out on precious “me time”. I realized this much later. 

An empath’s emotional cycle

Typically, an empath will often feel stuck in a cycle, unable to break it. I have always been an empath. Each time the empath tries to convey they are busy it ends up looking more like a Yes or an affirmation for the other person. The reason is the body language – it’s vague! Most women face this in their daily lives. They end up taking more work – more than they can handle. Right from morning to evening, whether it’s household chores, kids, cooking, cleaning, or for their profession, women somehow manage to squeeze in extra time for that one “small” chore/help someone needs from them. Unfortunately, many such “small chores” lead to many and eventually end in exhaustion and body breakdowns too! In the process, they end up draining off all their energies. So we should learn to say NO. 

1. Maintain strong body language
Always be extremely clear with your voice, body language, and non-verbal gestures. You could sport a slight smile on the face and simply refuse to do the work. No apologies are needed either.

2. Show or share your calendar status
Even though NO is a complete sentence, some of us find it difficult to be firm when it comes to refusing help. Show your calendar and mention your cut-off work time to the person (if you are in the office or even at home). If you are working remotely, you can send a screenshot on your phone to the person showing your schedule for the day. Once you do so, it will get easier to turn down.

3. Maintain a clear schedule – Soft-board & Online Sticky Notes
Keep a soft board at your workplace as well as at home. Make a weekly chart or timetable of all the work you have planned in the week and pin it there. Each time, a colleague/ any person approaches you for help, you can easily glance at your schedule and calculate the amount of time to finish your existing tasks. Once you set a cut-off time for completing your work, it will be much easier to decide whether you can take on an extra task apart from the existing ones. Those who are constantly on the move, and may not have time to check their soft boards, can set an alert on their phones as well. As soon as your phone buzzes notifying you of your day’s tasks (set at respective timings), you can plan to take on additional tasks accordingly. 

4. Empath Route
Use lines like “I feel you”, “I completely understand your situation” and follow it up by saying “I wished I could, but I cannot take on this additional task since it will delay my existing work.” No false promises here but genuine empathy is shown.

5. “I love the task, an excellent job opportunity, but…”
There are times when a compliment works wonders in refusing a person. It may be extremely tough to refuse the job especially if it is as per your requirements. So, begin your response by appreciating the task, thanking the person for the opportunity, and telling how you would love to do it. In the end, it will be easier to say you will not be able to handle the task.

6. Logic vs Emotions
It may sound a bit clinical/terse but try this. Start asking questions to the person offering the task/job/asking for help. Set aside emotions. a) What is the task about? b) How long will the task take to complete? c) How much do I have to do? d) What are XYZ’s expectations regarding the task. Depending on responses, you can turn down the task. NO heartburns/awkwardness.

7. Assert you love for providing quality output
This will help you refuse to do a job to a large extent. You can cite that the time period is too short to deliver a good quality product/output.

8. Set your value, choose yourself
Please set a higher value for yourself whenever you are approached with a project. It does help in filtering jobs that are not worth your time. 

9. You aren’t an elastic band
After a lot of sticky situations where I wasn’t able to say no because I was approached by known people, I realized I was over stretching myself. I was sitting beyond working hours just to complete deadlines. 

10. Follow your instincts 
The moment you get a job assigned to u or someone approaches you with a project, you will get the vibes easily. You will be able to get a cursory glance into the time and money aspects of the projects. Choose accordingly and say no to doing something you don’t want to do.

Reserving the right to say no might make you look like a vamp/villain, for awhile. But trust me, once you make it a part of your system, people will stop taking you for granted! Trust me, it is the most exhilarating and liberating feeling. So, whether you are a woman/man, be aware of your feelings, be clear with your thoughts and learn to be firm. You need NOT agree to do every work that is offered to you. 

Follow Priya Rajendran 
Follow The Word Route

I An Incomplete Tale

/ dinah1995 / 1 Comment

This piece of script is something that we have all spoken to ourselves. Something we have all grown up believing in some way or the other. We have all experienced, despite being the bright, sexy, scholarly, open, competent, intelligent smart woman many have come across! It’s alright. As long as you know who you are, where you are from, and where you are headed; your purpose, your calling, your belief, whatever it may be, you are good to go! 

It’s time to pause and ponder on the various things life has shown us and how we’ve evolved as women, individuals, and human beings at large! Being human has its share of insecurities, and it is up to us how we come right through. 

So let’s start by saying: “To me, I am my master…” 

I hope you appreciate reading and connecting to how my life has been as a girl who has grown up to be a woman, a writer, a partner, a better daughter, a better sister, a mom, and a better individual. I hope this helps you recollect some of the thoughts you have also grown up believing/being and understand that no matter who says/does what, you are you, and that’s ALL that matters! 

So here I start…

I am who I chose to be and I have no regrets whatsoever. I have grown up hearing things that were far beyond my understanding, far beyond what I ever wanted to be. I am caught up in the web of what the world calls “right,” “perfect”.  This is how a girl must be “well mannered, not swearing, not laughing too loud, not doing the things she feels is what she wants to do. 

I was constantly told that ‘I am fat’ AND fat is ugly. 

I was constantly told that ‘those kinds of clothes were meant for the leaner girls’. 

I was constantly told that ‘I will be judged by the size of my jeans’. 

I was constantly told that ‘I should not speak to the opposite gender’ and as I did not, I was bullied and kept away. 

I had my girl-friends’ who kept doing things they probably did not like, to seek attention from people they “thought” was constant. I am guilty of the same too! I have wept in those closed trial rooms cursing myself for being the size I am- have wasted money on products that I thought would make me a little MORE fairer, I have cried myself to sleep, like many of you have.

I have had boyfriends who abused me for things I never understood. I still don’t. I let it all happen. I let it all happen because I believed that was what was meant to be. I let losers decide what I am supposed to say, what I am supposed to wear, what I am supposed to think, and what I am supposed to do. I let gravity pull the whole of me down. 

I closed my mouth as I laughed because I was too conscious about my teeth! I used to wear baggy clothes to try and cover that extra flesh that hung from my waist and thighs and arms and where not! I scolded myself for craving chocolates and cakes and everything I loved only to be deprived of things I really really really loved. Just like many of you have.

I have so much inside me that I need to take out. Too much hatred. Hatred towards the mind that I have inside my head that does not allow me to cherish the life I have inside me. I wish I could plunge into my inner spirit and shout out loud to STOP IT. But I cannot. I know it, and it hurts even more. 

Stages of life that hurt me like a knife slowly but surely penetrating deeper and deeper into my skin, things that I want to erase and never look back at – today I feel it was just ME. 

It was I who taught myself to be a silly girl listening to people who have nothing to do with me whatsoever! 

It was I who closed the doors and painted those mirrors black. 

It was I who shied away from looking at how beautifully and uniquely I have been made. 

I feared those dark clouds that made those terrible, terrible noises inside my brain screaming freedom, and as I liberated myself from those paths, I became ME… An incomplete tale of how to be and at times, how not to…

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Vibhuti

/ ksyamala1954 / Leave a comment 
"Let us be grateful to good people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our soul blossom," Marcel Proust. 

Memories of childhood are the most cherished secret treasures. Its bitterness, sweetness, sadness, ecstasy still stream like a beautiful symphony. Ma, my mother used to rear goats. Its upkeep was a part of our daily timetable. Strangely, one day one of them began to spin its head and bleat in pain continuously. Ma thought it would be due to the imprecation of the spirit passing through our compound. She scolded us for tying the goat under its hallway. The nearby Homeo doctor offered some medicine, but Ma was not satisfied. The burgher Kannan Kuravan treats all with his magic band and holy ashes. Ma often directs us to him. 

One such day, the last ray of the setting sun vanished, (as per Ma, it’s the auspicious time to collect vibhuti, the powerful sacred ash) and the earth began to cover itself with a dark blanket. The moon slowly and steadily rises its light up. Me and my younger brother, Unni began our not so easy journey towards Kannan Kuravan’s house. We had to cross some hurdles one by one. In the family shrine, only one or two diyas (lamps) were lighted, it was like a scattered firefly, otherwise, it was pitch dark. The graveyard of our joint family, where grandparents were sleeping peacefully, emanating Vinca Rosa flowers pungent smell. And the howling of street dogs added to the fear factor. 

The tiny stone trail leading to his house might have venomous serpentines, sneaking scorpions, and the many like of such. The dim light of the small torch offers only a fragmentary vision. Holding Unni’s hand we moved fast, half running and half walking. The fear of the unknown Enampechi, Marutha, Yakshi, Pisachu blindfolded. 

Kannan Kuravan’s mud-walled small hut was neat and tidy. His daughter, who was my classmate used to come to me often with her boiled sweet potato and yummy chilly chutney to school. Sharing of food was done secretly as my Ma would not allow me to eat any cooked items from their house. Upon reaching the courtyard Unni stumbled on a stone and was injured slightly. It was more than enough reason to make him cry out aloud. Hearing his cries Kannan Kuravan came and took us into his shelter.

Instead of the ghostly look that we imagined, it was as simple as every poverty-ridden folk of those times. Kannan Kuravan’s eyes, glittered with love and empathy. He applied some extracts of the leaves collected from nearby his home, to Unni’s wound. He offered us water and sweet plantain. Unni whispered, ‘don’t tell this to Ma’. He gave us Vibhuthi, ‘the sacred ash,’ tied in a piece of plantain leaf. He embraced us and told “don’t ever come here in search of holy ashes at this odd hour. I am not practicing any black magic. Don’t heed to witchcraft or delusion, tell your mother to give proper treatment to the poor animal.” He returned the dakshina (donation) I had offered. 

Kannan Kuravan accompanied us back home waving an ignited long palm leaf torch. The barely clad lean immaculate man’s lovely words and the bright light from his country torch made our return journey easier and cozier. Without canvas, paint, or brush, those pictures hold close to the heart and soul. This urge to eulogise, to look on admiringly at a bygone figure frame, stand out, still shimmering in my memory. 

Follow K. Syamala