Inspirational

Have You Met A Narcissist

/ msveenagupta / 12 Comments

If you still believe in the goodness of life, if you still find a reason to sing a song, if you still have any self-esteem and confidence alive, there’s a fair chance you haven’t met a Narcissist yet! And pray that you don’t EVER. Well, they can suck away your life and cripple your soul!

First. What is a Narcissist, anyway? Narcissism is defined as a condition where a person has an unhealthy and highly inflated sense of self-importance while lacking any empathy for others. The ‘Others’ exist in their surroundings only to ‘serve’ them. This is the unwavering belief they harbour throughout their existence. They believe they are ‘GOD’ themselves. So Toxic is their behaviour that this has been recognized as a documented disorder NPD viz. Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

A Narcissist is a person who is unabashedly arrogant, audacious, supremely self-centered, and desires excessive admiration and Need for attention. They seek extreme attention and extreme devotion from you. Extreme is the word. If you have ever been in a room and the entire attention, unnecessarily, is on one person; there’s a good chance this person is a Narcissist. They love attention. The Solitary reason for their existence is ‘Attention’. They feed on it. They want to be the center of the universe for everyone present there. 

If your celebration/meeting/event/thoughts are about them – like their birthdays, celebrating their life, thinking about them; then you are good. But god forbid if it is not about them, you had it. They will MAKE it about them – Drama, threat, blame game, creating a scene, insulting your guests… they will go to any lengths to destroy your peace and joy. It HAS to be about them. You cannot dream of having a life independent of them. They won’t allow you to have it that way.

A Narcissist, they want your devotion. Since they are ‘GODS’ in their own belief, they ought to have devotees, right? They want you to think of them as your ‘GOD’ and do everything in your capacity, and beyond, to keep them happy. And never expect a thing in return from them. You ought to Worship the Narcissist to keep them from hurting you. There’s a very systematic way a Narcissist destroys you. And it is so subtle you won’t even notice until it’s too late! Here are a few game plans they have up their sleeves.

1. Love-Bombing:  

This is the first stage where they are wooing you. A Narc (short for Narcissist) will do anything to make you believe they are your soulmates. That you were ‘meant’ to be together. They will give you so much attention and affection that you start believing ‘You are made for each other.’ They may even adopt your belief system, your ideology, and your cult to showcase the similarities you two have. Needless to say, it is just a part of the biggest conspiracy. This love bombing is a part of a cycle of abuse that is to follow.

2. Hijacking Friends and Family

Once they have convinced you of their love, they expand their deceptive net to your family, then to your friends and even your colleagues. This is done so your innermost circle is made to believe that the Narcissist is the best thing that happened to you and you would be stupid to let him/her go! This is the time the Narc will also test the waters to see who will fall for their lies and can be used later as ‘Flying Monkeys.’ Once they have met your circle, they will systematically isolate you from every support system and hijack your relationships. Now they are the ‘Hero’ there while you are constantly ‘unreachable.’

3. Devalue and Discard phase

This happens right after your commitment. Once you have committed yourself to the Narcissist and he/she knows you cannot get out of this relationship easily, then the true colours start filtering in. The fault finding begins. Your efforts are no longer enough to keep them happy. The devaluation begins here and continues forever. The ‘Gas-lighting’ begins. While you keep amping your efforts up, your value to them goes down-spiral. You wonder where all that love went. You are disoriented and confused. You want the person who they pretended to be in the beginning. You want your ‘soulmate’ back. Abuse (mental, emotional, and sometimes physical) creeps into your paradise. So, you try harder and harder… to get your happy life back!

4. Gas-lighting

Gaslighting means manipulating someone emotionally into doubting their sanity. This is turning around your accusation on yourself. Making you the criminal for your wound. This happens when, and if, you gather the courage to confront the Narcissist about changed behaviour or abuse. Remember they are ‘gods’ in their minds, and questioning ‘god’s’ ways is an unpardonable sin in their kingdom. So, they will punish you by stating “that did not happen” (denial), “that is nothing” (trivialising your pain), and “You are so mean and cheap to think that of them” (making you the Criminal instead of the Victim). 

5. Trauma bonding

The Narcissist will keep you constantly confused about the abuse. Will throw in Love-bombing stages in between so you keep wondering your sanity as to which one of their faces is real! 

If for the life of you, you happen to identify their pattern and decide to leave or move away, they won’t let you do that either. The promises to change and be a better human being are made to you. Suddenly they ‘realize’ they were in the wrong and promise to set every straight forever. They want to tie you down (Trauma Bond) with their abuse. They might even blame the abuse on some external issue like job loss, stress, some third person causing a rift, etc etc. 

There is one rule to their fictitious story – They are either the HERO or the VICTIM, but NEVER the VILLIAN!! And they won’t let you go. You are their ‘Supply’ – of admiration, labour, money, and work. They latch on to you till they find a new ‘supply’ and then they will discard you like you never mattered. 

6. Flying monkeys

Supposing better sense prevailed and you walk out on them… or even when they throw you out of their lives, they will employ flying monkeys to keep tabs on you to ensure you don’t reach out to people and uncover their lies. Flying monkeys are nothing but common acquaintances, friends, and family members (identified during the ‘hijacking’ phase) put into action to carry out the abuse on behalf of the Narc. They become the invisible hands of the Narcissist. The narc narrates false stories to them and they (in the attempt to help out) will unleash their worst terrors on you. You are suddenly an Outsider to your people.

While the Narcissist enjoys their trust and love. This is soul crippling and confidence eroding. Some people even go through bouts of depression and worse. But is there any Recourse?

YES. THANKFULLY YES… and that is BOUNDARIES.
You heard me B-O-U-N-D-A-R-I-E-S

You may or may never recover from the scars of this exploitation and abuse, but there is something you can do before, and while dealing with it. Enforce your boundaries. And stand by them! Having boundaries keeps the Narc from choosing you as their ‘Supply’ in the first place. If somehow a Narcissist still creeps in, they may leave early. Think of it as a Narcissist-repellent! People with healthy self-esteem know the importance of Boundaries in a relationship. And to keep a relationship healthy you need to set and reinforce boundaries. 

Have you ever wondered why good-natured people end up with Bad-tempered people and vice versa? The answer is BOUNDARIES. 

Good people believe in the goodness of others and reach out to help. They have fewer insecurities and hence a lesser need for strict boundaries. This is a Narcissist’s perfect breeding ground, where they can find their supply with the least restrictions and troubles. This is their pre-requisite for choosing their ‘Supply’, their target. The only thing they abhor is a ‘STOP SIGN’. Manipulators do not like being stopped. They want free reign at whatever they want to do; however, they want to execute their malice.

The only way to stop Narcissistic abuse is to stop playing their game, move away as far as possible and enforce as many boundaries as possible. Legal ones too if needed! They may run around the town describing how mean and ruthless you are, sabotaging your image… but remember, that’s a small price to pay for your freedom. 

My advice to you? RUN RUN RUN for your LIFE!

Follow Veena Gupta

Venal

/ ksyamala1954 / Leave a comment

Our long hasty days-the hottest of the four seasons and its coming duly brought happiness to the mind of the children because it was the onset of the summer vacations. The blazing summer was otherwise not felt friendly. 

Could you imagine a person living without taking a bath for weeks or months? That was my paternal grandfather, Govindan Appooppan. His bathing was restricted to four days a year. Yes, you read that right. One during Onam, then for Deepavali, again another one before Vishu, and, the last one during Uchara. During these days, there were pujas(prayers) conducted in the ancestral shrine, and he was the one who conducted and performed pujas. The older people in the house mumble jokingly, that he was allergic to water. He always wore a lungie, a cloth wrapped around the waist and worn by men. It came up barely to his knee. Its original colour was unimaginable because washing the attire was also like his bathing behaviour.

With the long dirty nails he had, he loved to scratch his body. His pet cow liked to lick the salt and tasted the sweat of the exposed upper posterior with her coarse tongue. He adjusted his posture to make her efforts viable and made sounds like sh….sh….just like he was in a trance. The cohabitation between the two was a compelling sight.

Uchaara fell in the Malayalam month of Makarem, and the special offering” therali appam” was prepared under the guidance of Govindan Appooppan.

Rice flour mixed with jaggery, plantain, coconut, and a little bit of cardamom powder was filled in the cinnamon leaf tucked like a cone and steamed in a big brass vessel. Almost everyone including children was taken part in its preparation. At twilight, the shrine was lit up with lamps, and pujas were enacted to the main as well as subsidiary deities. As pujas and offerings were divided among those assembled there, and we were eagerly waiting for munching our the due share.

During Deepavali grandpa would donate some coins to my mother to buy coconut oil, as a part of the ritual to apply oil before an early morning bath. I didn’t like oil massaging at all, so blindfolded my mother and rubbed oil with my clothes. The most intriguing thing in Deepavali was watching grandpa bathing. He wore only a loin cloth and massage oil all over his body. Using a pail, he drew water from the open well and poured it over his body, rubbing hardly using an incha(bark of a tree used to clean) with red Carbolic soap. Now the dirt started trickling with water to turn its colour dark and grandpa’s body transformed into golden colour. 

The bathing extravaganza came to an end by wearing a neat lungie and applying a pinch of vermillion to his forehead from the ash bowl dangling in the verandah. Watching and enjoying the whole thing I sometimes go near him to smell the cleanup grandpa. At times he smiles at me, and that was enough for me to get excited because it was a rare benevolent edict from his part towards me.

During daytime he was busy in his “aala” (workplace near the main building). That fateful day I noticed grandpa was not around the hot fireplace. Usually, he never allowed us in his workplace, talking this opportunity I approached the igniting fireplace, where I saw a coconut cutta nearby, and simply put it in the fire. As the cutta caught fire I was afraid and threw it away, accidentally it fell on the sliding thatched roof and caught fire. “What would I do??” Out of fear an unusual sound escaped from my throat. Watching the fire spreading the mynah, Uppen, and parrot resting on the mango tree in front yard made a cry of shock and flew in different ways. 

Now I was in my grandpa’s quick and wicked hands. While preventing the fire from further spreading he hold my ear tightly and slapped my back with his stick. One, two, and three. I cursed those moments and somehow managed to escape from him. He dozed the fire but fumes and smoke spread and scented the area. A squeaky little voice began talking and consoling me, that was none other than the little parrot who was a frequent visitor to munch the ripe mango whom I had befriended. The other children older and younger began to mock, tease and make fun of me. They at that time called me a firebolt.

My childish hasty behaviour decided to take vengeance on the rude and offensive grandpa. It was not easy for me to settle down, I wanted to blast away the dynamite and calm my mind. One day I saw him sitting carelessly in the aala, the tail portion of the loincloth was flashing outward through his short lungie, he was busy with his work. There was no one around, secretly and quietly like a snail I approached him from behind and stole the tongs that were kept there and clipped them into the exposing loincloth.

My heart was thumbing vigorously as if it would come out at once. At a safe distance hiding from behind the tree nearby, I watched the hanging tongs when he stood up. He yelped aloud and looked around but couldn’t find the culprit. Heard his screams the children gathered there howled and laughed at him. Contentment inside me began to come up, I shared my happiness with the grasshoppers, ladybirds, butterflies, and lizards on the lawn who look at me sympathetically and encouraged me with this idea of melting the clouds of revenge hanging in my mind.

My sister Mani was his all-time favourite since her birth. Clenching her in his left hand and the stick in his right hand he gets hold of her when he moves out to the neighbourhood. I often imagined myself in her place, but that never happened in my entire childhood.

Likewise, the routine he followed to observe the habit of bathing his whole life didn’t change. Lasted till the end of his days. After a prolonged illness on a Deepavali day in the early morning, he lost his life. So he proved, he was able to take bath as usual. However, this time with a difference, his kith and kin took the responsibility to bathe him and prepared him for his last journey.

Sitting beside and pressed hard to the bygone days of that beautiful era, now there was no one on the road-neither those insulting siblings nor the terror-inducing elders trumpeting wild elephants gore to the tiny hearts, all are tuning fond music to the ears. The old mango tree, older than my grandpa is still there, housing a dozen birds and squirrels. If possible, I could hide in its branches behind thick green leaves and spy on this captivating world.

Follow K. Syamala

Social Media And Mental Health

/ Naveeta Shokeen / Leave a comment

We need the company of others to make headway in life. Simple. This is exclusively because we are social creatures. Thus, maintaining social connections with other people can alleviate feelings of stress, worry, and depression, whereas failing to maintain such connections can result in major menaces to mental health. Fact.

People choose to spend a substantial amount of time on social media platforms. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Messenger as a result of the relatively recent incorporation of these platforms into daily personal habits. As a result, a significant number of researchers and academics are analyzing the effects that social media platforms and applications have on numerous facets of people’s lives. Besides, the number of people who utilize social media platforms is always growing daily. There is no ignoring the fact that social media has now evolved into an essential component of the lives of a lot of individuals. The use of social media can bring about a variety of positive and delightful benefits, but it also carries the risk of causing issues with one’s mental health.

Researchers are finding that social media if not used in moderation
could have significant drawbacks, particularly in terms of mental health.

1. Depression may be enhanced by social media use

Ironically, a technology that’s designed to bring people closer together may have the opposite impact, particularly when arguments break out over social media platforms. The use of social media has been associated with feelings of loneliness, sadness, and anxiety It could cause people to feel isolated and alone. According to the findings of several studies, young people who use social media for more than two hours per day are significantly more likely to rate their mental health as being on par with or below average when compared to individuals who only use social media on occasion.

2. Social media could damage your self-esteem

You could start to feel like you don’t measure up in terms of both your life and your appearance if you spend too much time on social media. Even if you are aware that the photographs you see online have been edited or represent the best moments of someone else’s life, looking at them can still make you feel insecure, envious, and dissatisfied with your own life.

3. It is mentally bad to compare our lives to others

The comparison factor contributes, at least in part, to social media users’ perception that they are socially isolated, even though this perception may not be accurate. As we scan through our feeds, it is easy for us to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others and making snap judgments about how we stack up against them. One study looked at how we make comparisons to other people’s posts, either in an “upward” or “downward” direction—that is, feeling that we are either better off than our friends or that we are in a worse situation. It was shown that both forms of comparison made people feel worse, which was a surprising finding given that in everyday life, people only feel awful when making upward comparisons, in which they believe that another person has it better than they do. On the other hand, it seems that any form of comparison is associated with feelings of depression in the realm of social networking.

4. This can result in a vicious cycle of jealousy

It’s no secret that the comparison factor on social media leads to feelings of envy; in fact, the majority of people will agree that reading about other people’s idyllic vacations and well-behaved children on social media makes it difficult not to feel envious. There is no doubt that research has demonstrated that using social media can bring up feelings of envy. In an ongoing cycle of one-upping and feeling jealous, a person may find that experiencing envy motivates them to want to make their own life look better and post things that will cause others to feel jealous of them.

5. Having more social media friends does not imply being more social

There appears to be a limit to the number of friends a person’s brain can handle, and it takes actual social interaction to keep these friendships alive. According to several studies, having more friends on social media does not necessarily mean that you have a better social life. So feeling like you’re being social by being on social media doesn’t work. Getting genuine social support is essential given the numerous negative effects that being lonely can have on both physical and mental health. Time spent with an online buddy does not have the same curative effect as time spent with real ones.

6. The use of social media as an unhealthy survival tactic

The use of inappropriate coping mechanisms to deal with difficult sentiments or emotions is a risk that comes with using social media. For instance, if you turn to social media when you’re feeling unhappy, lonely, or bored, you may be utilizing it as a way to distract yourself from the bad feelings that you’re experiencing. In the end, utilizing social media as a kind of self-soothing is not a good idea. This is especially true when you think about how often looking at social media makes you feel worse instead of better.

How and why you use social media is typically the most important factor in determining the impact it has on your mental health. The use of social media may make you feel more disconnected from others and alone in the world. However, it also allows you to interact with people who are going through experiences similar to yours or who are interested in the same things you are.

Discovering how your use of social media influences you is ultimately the most important step in developing a healthier connection with these platforms. Taking small steps and using social media with more thought can lead to a better relationship with it and with yourself.

Keep in mind, too, that the majority of social media applications are structured in such a way as to encourage you to remain engaged and make frequent use of them. As a result, you may find that cutting back on your own is not always as easy as you had hoped. If this is your situation, a therapist may be able to give you more direction and help you set limits so you can use social media more thoughtfully.

Follow Naveeta Shokeen

Be A Cycle Breaker

/ Pozicool Raga / 1 Comment

“Cycle Breaker!” Ever heard this term? As described by therapists and experts – a person who identifies toxic or dysfunctional attributes that exist in the culture of the family and chooses to toss these markers and swap them in for a better practice or for a change. In short they are someone who consciously change multi-generational family practices” So why break the cycle? There are practices, processes, and sometimes customs that are being blindly followed for generations without questioning, challenging, or reasoning. They are just being followed because our well-meaning predecessors and forerunners made those regulations. These have pushed relationships to fall apart, strained lives, and pushed people away. Unhappiness and an unhealthy atmosphere is created in families.

Is it really necessary to join the generational bandwagon? 
No 
Are those rules and traditions applicable to the current generation? 
No
Do we need to reinforce and impose those rules now? 
No
Can’t new methods be followed? 
Yes

Well, these are questions that “cycle breakers” often asks in their family while challenging the older generation. Mostly, there are never any straight answers except a line that is constantly mentioned – “our fathers and forefathers did so”. So, when you try to rationalize and find logic in these arguments, you end up getting labelled as “arrogant and rebellious”. This is not to generalize for every family. I am sure some families think differently as well.

One needs to understand that every generation is born with new ideas – own ways of solving problems, conflicts, dealing with happiness and sorrow, celebrations, ways of bringing up children and looking after the family. 

A set family structure that worked for decades on matriarchy or patriarchy will not work now. In the current generation, there is a sense of equality, sharing of responsibilities, mutual respect (minus terms and conditions), and zero toxic gratitude or apologies. Rarely can we see inter or intra-generational grudges now? Nothing gets carried forward. The earlier generations would view such bonds as transactional but from another perspective, it is sans any negative energies and expectations. Nothing is blurred, vague, or assumed in such relationships. Everyone has clarity in relationships. It is thanks to unlearning and breaking old principles and ideologies and giving way to new ideas. 

Youth are no longer limited to an age range. Even the “old” is in the “youth” range now because of their youthfulness and energies. Unlike older generations who had an age range set to 60+ (yes, according to government records, this is the age set for retirement too) as senior citizens and called old, the current generation or Gen Z’s way is to break the idea of “old”. If someone at 60 is energetic and bubbly, they are also considered “youth” or young at heart. That is one of the best ways to be a cycle breaker!

10 Reasons Why You Can Be A “Cycle Breaker” Too

1. Accept yourself and your ideals openly

This takes time but please do it first. If you don’t accept yourself as you are, others won’t take you seriously either. Self-love is the key. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself daily: Is this right? Am I comfortable with this?

2. Choose your path, make your blueprint 

Once you accept yourself, the next step is to create your map of principles, ideas, and ideals. A mental map will do.

3. You need to heal too!

It is important to heal your wounds – childhood or present traumas. Please ensure you get professional help for it too. This will strengthen you and empower you to stand up for yourself and others who need your help. Every person has his or her timeline for healing. So, take your time.

4. Make healthy boundaries; learn to say a big loud NO

Once you complete your healing process, your relationship with yourself and others will have undergone a huge change. There will be a lot of healthy lines drawn with your family and friends. It will become easier to say “No” when you have to say so. Toxic gratitude will not be imposed on you too.

5. Create Your Circle  

Healthy boundaries help create healthy relationships. So, you will attract like-minded, positive people who know the meaning of boundaries and consent. Your friends, your circle of trust you create is the one that will help you break cycles too.

6. Stand up for people close to you

Along with your tribe, you can build stronger, healthier communities where stereotypes are broken and meaningful discussions take place. There is rationality there and people can question old belief systems as well. You can support loved ones better when there is a healthy emotional quotient in families.

7. Break age-old traditions – no more generational grudges

As a cycle breaker, you can end family rivalries and inter-generational enmity to a large extent. You can take a stand and do what you feel is right. Make sure children do not carry the burden of the previous generation’s conflicts. Their bonds must remain unaffected by adult conflicts. That is where you break cycles.

8. Empower Gen Next to stand up for themselves

Cycle breakers break rules and teach the younger generation to do what they think is right. Nothing criminal or hurting people, but standing up against injustice and things they don’t like to do.

9. Question people and rules 

Asking questions is equivalent to challenging family authority. So, make sure you do a lot. It will make people think about the “rules” – do we need them? Is it applicable to the current times? These take time but once cycles are broken, people will reflect and think of changing for the better. Also, rules that make families unhappy and uncomfortable must be done away with.

10. Age no bar, gender no bar – rules are the same

A grand finale argument in any house by authority figures is using the “age card”. Younger members are asked to keep quiet and respect the “age”. If there is equality maintained in the family, age will not play such a dominant role in family matters. Youngsters can be given a chance to explain themselves rationally. Fights and loud arguments can be avoided too.

Breaking conventions is important for a healthy society and a healthier generation too. If something doesn’t agree with you, you need not follow it. A clean boundary line will make people aware of your discomfort. If not, follow this adage (my own) – “Walking solo is better than jumping onto a “norms” bandwagon blindly.”

Follow Priya Rajendran

Food And Health

/ dinah1995 / Leave a comment

The food we eat is the ultimate mantra to good health. We ought to choose wisely. The millennial generation has changed the way food is perceived and consumed. Food plays a major role in how healthy or not a generation turns out to be.

Today’s generation is bombarded with junk foods and aerated drinks, destroying not just physical fitness, but physiological health as well with its adverse effects. “To stay well, you eat well”!

Food and food joints have understood the requirements of today’s taste buds and are catering to what is severely unhealthy to the body. They fail to realize and notice the effects of consuming junk food regularly. Obesity, diabetes, cardio-related concerns, hypertension, untimely aging, stress, and cholesterol are a few health-related concerns we face today. Cancer is another chronic concern related to all the severely preserved, packed, and junked food we eat.

Eating healthy has become more of a “style statement” and eating junk, is a lifestyle! Burgers, pizzas, fried food, aerated cold drinks, and many more such fried and fatty foods have taken over healthy meals leaving behind more people with severe lifestyle and food habit-related health issues.

Eating “healthy” is now an expensive affair!

Deteriorating health, on one hand, there are many cases of mental and psychological instability and stagnation seen in today’s generation mainly due to unhealthy food habits.

Fruits and vegetables are not as healthy as they used to be – nothing is fresh anymore – everything is adulterated with artificial pesticides and fertilizers. From snacks made out of plastic and poultry intoxicated with steroids, most of what we consume today is unhealthy.

To begin making a difference, we must begin with making more healthy choices. From buying fruits and vegetables from local vendors and farmers to avoiding packaged and preserved factory-made foods, we can take small steps to a healthier life.

We must always remember – a healthy mind and a healthy body is what we need to maintain well-being and inspire good health in our future generations!

Follow Aakanksha Dinah

Social Media FriendsForEver

/ Pozicool Raga / Leave a comment

Social media! A boon or bane has been a topic for discussion and debate in schools, universities, amoung friends and families and, through all transmission channels including, social media platforms. Most term it a “nuisance”, considering how much everyone including those who term it a problem as well are hooked to it these days. It’s quite humorous. Each generation has made it a part of their life. Youngsters and oldies alike. Yet, it has been the bone of contention ever since smartphones made their entry into the reel world. 

However, have you ever thought of making friends with it? Ever thought of the advantages of social media? What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear about social media? Perhaps…making friends. Anything else that you associate with social media?

These days there are digital content creators. I am sure you will find this term familiar if you are an Instagram, Facebook, TikTok user. Ever since Instagram gave an option to start twin accounts (a professional account with a personal account), many are using the platform effectively to promote their business and holding workshops too for beginners. Entrepreneurs, and food bloggers are growing steadily now thanks to their popular reels that promote their business. Slowly a lot of work-from-home mothers are creating a business base through Facebook and Instagram. After Tiktok, Instagram is the next biggest phenomenon now – dancers, sportsmen, fitness enthusiasts, bakers, chefs, food and travel bloggers, photographers, and even academics all use these platforms too present their work. 

Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, Whatsapp, Bumble, and many social media platforms have become a means for people to express themselves, network, and get more followers as well. A lot of businesses are thriving on social media platforms. There are even workshops that I spotted on the world wide web which say they will help guide and train people to create perfect professional profiles on social media. Digital marketing courses are being offered to teach entrepreneurs and business heads how to promote themselves effectively on social media. 

Content has become king all of a sudden. It has gained importance and social media has become a hub for content creators. So uniquely, there are people who do not have a communication background but show interest to learn how social media operates in enhancing business structures. 

Let me just say this out loud. Those who are in a predicament about joining social media or are shying away from it guessing it will distract or preoccupy them from their work or important things, it’s time to change that assumption. It has been one of the myths perpetuated about social media. True, social media do get people disconnected from the physical world. The initial aim of social media like Orkut and other chat applications like Yahoo and MSN was to create room for connection, connect with fellow classmates, friend finding and to connect with long lost mates. Since then change was massive and the evolution of social media and the purpose of it has been astonishing, bitter sweet and it’s still evolving.

After Facebook’s official entry in 2005 on the world wide web (after he purchased domain rights), Mark Zuckerberg revolutionized and changed the definitions of socializing. To begin with, it was uniting school and college mates across the globe. Then he added more features to Facebook where people could connect professionally as well. Artists, celebrities and other industry people could access and give access to the the public easily since all profiles were public in the beginning. Eventually, privacy settings were enhanced to stop spammers and cyber criminals. All in all, it ended up benefiting a lot of businesses. 

As much as people thought Facebook and other social media platforms were just keeping people hooked to the virtual world, it has been proven that people did step off their screens and meet people with whom they have been interacting virtually. A lot of offline webinars, conferences, summits, and meetings have united people across borders – those who wouldn’t have met if social media did not exist. 

While the pre-social media era had people traveling across the country and globe as well to meet and network, social media platforms gave wider access to people seeking active networking. 

As they say, “Great minds think alike”, there are many like minds who have founded virtual organizations with teams sitting across the globe. And mind you, it isn’t entirely virtual as you would imagine – multiple screens where people look at each other through them. These teams have regular quarterly to annual meets physically in commonly decided destinations. 

SOME COMMON MYTHS ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA

1. Addictive. 
(All is good when used in moderation.)
2. Only for dating. 
(You can also sell and buy products, start business, promote business and more)
3. Increase in cyber crimes in the virtual world; privacy easily compromised on social media. 
(Be aware of your rights and learn about social media privacy settings in all platform you use.)
4. You have to create multiple posts a day to keep your profile active. 
(It all depends on your product or your need.)
5. “Followers” are often bought. 
(Fake accounts and bots are always found in the end and booted out of all platforms. If you know an account is fake or is a bot, you can always make a complaint.)
6. Data rigged on social media for campaigns. 
(Early on it was an issue and now all social media platforms are working hard to curb this issue.)
7. You need to click a “like” on every post on social media. 
(No, you can just scroll past any post without liking or sharing. It would be nice though if you do like, share and subscribe to pages and people you like. Only if you have real interest. Choice is yours.)
8. You have to accept friend requests from one and all.
(It's a NO.)

HOW IS SOCIAL MEDIA YOUR #FRIENDSFOREVER

1. If used in moderation and timed, it is not addictive.

2. It can be used for things other than finding a friend; an effective communication tool.

3. An active cyber crime station in every city now has increased awareness about perpetrators and scammers in the virtual world. Besides, the privacy settings on all social media platforms have been enhanced now. One can even report anonymously.

4. For effective communication, posts can be minimized and timed well – there is a time when the virtual audience is most active in the day/night. So, you can choose that time to post content. You need not be online all day!

5. Followers cannot be “bought” like voters. If someone doesn’t like you, they have an option of “unfollowing” you as well. 

6. Similarly, data and figures can be screened through special applications and computer programs. Hence, you cannot show false data for social media campaigns.

7. You have a choice to restrict your friend list. You need not add “friends of friends of friends of friends of friends” – whom you haven’t even seen or met! Regular detox will keep scammers at bay too!

8. Social media is one place where you will not be judged and you can vent as you, please (your profile, your space!). So, whenever you feel low, you can write/journal there for your friends to see. Many “suicides” have been prevented after a friend has spotted depressing notes or posts of their friend on social media profiles. Peers can instantly call and cheer them up! 

9. Great campaigns have been born on social media. Many changes in governments and social fabric have been seen thanks to awareness spread through social media posts.

10. A banter in your chat room is enough to destress you at the end of the day. Of course, you can time your sessions on chat groups too.

So, social media isn’t as much of a villain as it has been portrayed to be. It is a haven for even non-social beings. It is not that you have to compulsorily socialize if you are on social media but you can use it as an effective tool to communicate and speak your mind out. Anything in excess as they say is bad but if used effectively, “it can indeed change your life” (referring to old ads that ran on television).

Signing off as usual with a quote by a famous social media marketing director Mike DiLorenzo: “Social media networks aren’t about websites. They’re about experiences”. #socialmedia #friendsforever #world

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Cesarean Not A Cakewalk

/ Naveeta Shokeen / 3 Comments

It is a general belief, that a woman who opts to have a cesarean is skipping out on the hard work of labour and giving birth. Amusing fact, many people still believe that she did not give birth at all. If a woman can become pregnant, then she is also able to give birth without medical intervention. Sure, it is a scientific fact. 

Although, this surgical procedure is performed and recommended when vaginal childbirth is not possible or safe. Happen when the health of the mother or the baby is in danger. Sure some women opt to have cesarean sections consciously to dodge the normal birthing process. Because of this, some believe you have not given birth if you have opted to have a C- Section rather than destroy your vagina by pushing a baby through it during childbirth. 

Maybe it was for medical risk or personal reasons, it sure is a women’s choice to make. I had a C-Section because my baby was at risk, and here are my 10 reasons why Cesarean was not a cakewalk.

1. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TAKING THE SIMPLE ROUTE OUT

Easy?! There is no such thing called; the "easy, effortless, painless, or uncomplicated" approach to delivering a human baby from within a body. Bringing a new life into the world is never a leisurely task. Even though giving birth is a natural procedure for our bodies, it is never an easy experience and affair." I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
2. POSTPARTUM STILL PLAGUE US JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

After having a C-section, I experienced the same amount of blood loss, the same baby blues, the same lack of sleep, the same fears, and the same problems as any other mother who gave birth vaginally. How my daughter emerged from me did not alter those feelings or the hardships that followed. Because she was delivered eight weeks earlier than expected, I cried incessantly for the first eight weeks after she was born. I used to have to get up to feed a cranky baby every hour. When I was worried about her safety, I would always Google everything she did. In the beginning, I had to rely on either formula milk or breast pumps to extract whatever breast milk was available; thankfully, for around six months, her requirements were met by the natural flow of my milk. How she came into this world has nothing to do with how much I am her mother.
3. C-SECTIONS ARE PERFORMED TO PROTECT MOM & BABY

There must be some complications in the pregnancy; for example, in my situation, my blood pressure was on the higher side. I was under observation for more than two weeks, and the doctor had to plan the delivery to save my baby. When my doctor began to tell me just some of the catastrophic consequences of the few vaginal deliveries that go wrong, I broke into tears just thinking of the danger we were in. The majority of C-section deliveries are done to save the baby and the mother; there must be some complications in the birth. C-sections are frequently carried out to assist in helping to achieve the best possible outcome; they can save the lives of both the mother and the baby, and some women are unable to deliver their babies in any other way. This is the truth. 
4. RECOVERY'S EARLY STAGES ARE MISERY FILLED 

One to two weeks after the birth, it feels like everything inside of you is torn apart. This suffering can frequently make you feel like crying, wailing, and sad. When you combine this with the uterine cramps that come with nursing, you will have agony in the same region. It's not a lot of fun. The recovery process following a C-section varies from patient to patient. If the nerves are cut during a C-section, the patient will experience a loss of feeling after the procedure. Recovery is made more difficult when there is not sufficient time to heal. I have no idea what it's like to get back to normal after giving birth vaginally. I am in no way trying to minimize the progress that has been made in recovering from that. No matter what method you choose for giving birth, the fact that you are expelling another human being from your body will make it challenging for you to recover. 
5. MOMS ARE IN CONSIDERABLY GREATER DANGER AFTER C-SECTION

It can potentially lead to complications during the process and in the future, choosing to have your child delivered through C-section is not an easy method. According to a report in the journal CMAJ, women who had C-sections were 80 percent more likely to have difficulties than those who delivered vaginally, and women, in general, are likely to have severe difficulties. And especially women over age 35 who had C-sections were almost three times more likely to have severe complications. It is true it saves the life of mother and child. Although, harrowing complications can occur in the mother during or soon after the delivery. If you have a C-section instead of vaginal birth, you are more likely to have problems like deep vein thrombosis, bleeding, or an infection. I am not trying to scare you off, just sharing the facts.
6. BEING A MOTHER ISN'T DETERMINED BY HOW YOU GIVE BIRTH

The act of physically giving birth is merely the first step in the long and winding road that is parenthood. It is not only disrespectful but also wholly incorrect to suggest that a woman who chooses to have a cesarean section is not a "genuine" mother. A woman is considered a "true mom" if she makes the conscious decision to love and care for her child, regardless of how the child entered the world: vaginally, via C-section, via a surrogate, or by adoption. It is not how a woman gives birth to her child that defines her as a real mother; rather, it is the presence of a child in her arms.
7. YOU MIGHT EXPERIENCE AN ORGAN LOSS

I felt may be I am suffering from "Empty Womb Syndrome." After my baby was born, I had a genuine fear that the medical team had forgotten to put something back in. My feeling.
8. HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALS ARE SKILLED 

The use of C-sections is on the rise, and your healthcare professionals, doctors, and nurses are trained, skilled, masterful, and proficient in this procedure. One of the most difficult aspects of being a mother is learning to let go of one's grip on control. At least, that is how it has been for me: not only is it difficult to control when they join the world, but it is also difficult to regulate how they go about doing so. Believe that you are in skilled, knowledgeable, and compassionate hands with your doctors and nurses, since they have most undoubtedly assisted in the delivery of dozens of babies via cesarean section. The health and happiness of both mother and child should be everyone's top prerogative. Understand that they will do all in their ability to make your birth as comfortable and safe as is humanly possible. Make sure to ask all your doubts and raise with them your concerns. Talk to them. Make yourself sure about your healthcare professional and knowledgeable about your rights and check if your rights as a patient are being infringed or that you are being mistreated in some other way.

9. TWO WAYS

Babies can enter this earth in one of two ways: vaginal birth or a surgical delivery by cesarean section. A woman can decide to have a C-section if she has overwhelming anxiety about vaginal birth. It is possible. One hard truth is women who have had C-sections are less likely to suffer from urinary incontinence and pelvic organ prolapse. C- Section can be scheduled in advance, making it more convenient and predictable than a vaginal birth and labor. TRUTH. If the baby or mother is in danger, a C-section can be lifesaving. 

10. THE EXPERIENCE

Feelings & Emotions are high from the beginning to the end of a pregnancy. My plan did not include having a cesarean AKA C-section. My baby was at risk and, I would do anything to bring my baby into this world. Lucky for me, everything went with ease with the procedure. It was a great comfort to both myself and my baby during a time when we could have experienced some anxiety, stress, and tension. Ultimately your birth plan should always result in a healthy and happy baby and a healthy, satisfied and wholesome mother. You will learn to embrace the scar that was the result of this one-of-a-kind and glorious moment we become a mother. Also embrace the fact that no matter what anyone say, how you bring your baby into your life is no one else's business. Be it a personal choice or due to the fact that medical requirement becomes a part of your life, it will not detract in any way from your experience.

Finally, let me just say, the subject as a whole is straightforward agonizing. I have the impression that the entire argument is quite callous to the agony that we had to go through just to ensure the safety of our children’s entrance into the world. For some it is personal preference and for some of us for us it was a must. Life was in danger. In either way, should we be passing judgment on the birthing and even parenting choices of other mothers? In the end, I think it’s important for all of us, as mother’s to encourage and uplift one another in the choices we make. This job of motherhood is hard enough as it is, so let’s not debate who had the “better” or “right” birth approach. 

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Women Its All Your Fault

/ msveenagupta / 6 Comments

Women, all over the world, have heard it! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT.

For some lame rhyme or reason, we find it easy to blame a woman for all the wrongs in our personal, professional, social and oddly even in national, international and galactic issues! Even fellow women love beating each other down customarily. The reasons may be different – social conditioning, custom practices, personal gains, community ignorance, low literacy … The reasons are endless. But what is striking is its Prevalence!

Do you remember the time when one of the largest container ships, got grounded in The Suez Canal? People jumped to blame the ship’s Female captain, Marwa Elselehdar. Even though she was posted hundreds of miles away, somewhere in Alexandria! Even before any fact-checking, just because a female exists in the arena to blame, the masses blamed her. Meme and troll factories were working overtime to dish out fun ways to showcase the incompetency of women in a male bastion. What was even more amusing was once the world found out that it was a man’s fault, the entire euphoria died down. After wards it was just ‘an incident in history.’

Female blaming’s ubiquity is overwhelming and traumatizing. It cuts across customs, religions, cultures, and national boundaries. Everywhere and in every culture, it seems just EASY to blame a woman than to engage in any kind of introspection. Blaming ‘Her’ absolves us from the difficult task of analyzing the root cause of the problem, as also the frightening ramifications of realizing that the godly ‘WE’ may be the problem! And all the analyzing and soul-searching takes time. Who has got it? we got to work, feed our stomachs, build our families… so just blame a woman and get back to work! EASY, isn’t it?

Blaming a woman does happen in many intriguing ways. You name a problem that ‘She’ faces and one can turn around and blame it on the Woman HERSELF!!

1. Gender Bias

Obviously gender bias exists. Who better than women can vouch for it? It paralyzes all the effort a woman has put into educating or building herself. It works like a punishment for ‘being’ a Woman.

How is it her fault? 
She needs to be protected, as she is weak. So, in the name of protection, we give her less struggle (read opportunities), less work (read chances), and less exposure (read recognition). So we, as men and as a society, are essentially ‘protecting’ her, and still, the woman is not happy! You see how ungrateful she is. Isn’t it, her fault now?

2. Pay Disparity

Unequal pay for Equal work – Working women all over the world face this. Getting paid less for equal work (rather more work) is a corporate evil no woman has escaped. Research has established that women all over the globe get paid less for the same amount of work. Being equally capable and proving equal worthiness somehow still does not translate into equal compensation.

How is it her fault? 
Why not? What does she need so much money for? She doesn’t have a family to support or feed. Even if she is the only earning member, we are conditioned to believe that a Man supports and feeds a family. So why does she want equal pay? Greedy, isn’t she?

3. Sexual Violence

Cat cries, eve-teasing, or the more heinous – Rape. All these falls under the same umbrella with just rising degrees of barbarity. No woman needs an explanation of what sexual violence is. So let me not dig deeper into it else I might just open old sores.

How is it her fault? 
Oh! This one is my favourite. You see, she carries her body that entices men to look at her in unhealthy ways. She dresses provocatively. She is ‘asking’ for it. She ‘dresses’ for men to look at. She goes out (to work), so that is her decision to put herself in a dangerous situation. ……blah blah blah… the list is endless. The point is everything about sexual violence is blamed on the woman. Whether it is her dress, the way she carries herself, how she talks, dresses, drinks, her lipstick, her heels… everything is to be blamed. I remember one particular incident, where the rapist blamed the mannequins (dressed provocatively) and led him to commit rape. WHOA…. that’s a new one! Whatever happened to the self-control… it is the woman’s fault!

4. Educational Inequality 

This is where some sects of the society do not feel the need to educate the Femme fraternity. Eventually, all she had to do is manage the household and children, so many think she does not need a Degree. Even if that means she has a less opportune life, who cares? 

How is it her fault? 
If the woman is ‘too’ educated, she might just ask for her rights. The best is to keep her under-educated or illiterate, so she cannot comprehend what is rightfully hers. Her ignorance is Our Bliss! We provide her with food and shelter anyway, why does she need more? Greedy again! Her fault. God punishes Greed.

5. Social Discrimination

Women don’t need an introduction to this either. They face this cruelty every day. Everything is judged critically, and closely. The scrutiny a woman is subjected to in daily life is appalling. The impossible task of keeping everyone happy is the Woman’s job.

How is it her fault? 
From the family’s health to prosperity to education to conformity to traditional values, everything is the woman’s responsibility. So is the fault if anything doesn’t go great guns. And she has just this one job to do – keep everyone happy and she fails at this too? Then, the fault for being so incompetent is hers.

6. Glass Ceilings

When after all the trials of troubles, somehow a woman manages to continue pursuing her corporate dreams, she meets her most subtle foe – the Glass ceiling. Having sacrificed a lot in her life to see her one dream come true, she gets this punishment for dreaming Big. 

How is it her fault? 
A woman who has not been present for her family, her kids, her husband, her in-laws, and her parents; how is she good to head a Corporate? She lacks compassion and other human qualities; she cannot be trusted! She must be a ‘task-master’ and therefore a hard-nosed b$$$$h. Has not dreamt anything beyond ‘Money.’ Hence Greedy…so her fault!

7. Personal Judgements

Judgements galore! No end to this one. Women get judged by Men, Society, friends, contemporaries, their kind, their family, children, neighbours, plumbers, carpenters, etc etc etc…No one spares her.

How is it her fault? 
Well, I told you in the beginning, it is E-A-S-Y to blame a woman and get back to our lives. I mean, what can she do anyway? No court of law recognizes any of this as a punishable offense or even an ‘offense’ in the first place. We have mouths to feed, houses to build and we ain’t got the time to ponder on whose fault it is, so we blame a woman and get on with our lives. How is it her fault? She is a woman – Simple.

It is heart-breaking, to say the least. And it hurts even more when the blame game and finger-pointing is a Woman’s. They say “The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world.” But in reality, “The hand that rocks the cradle, takes the BLAME.” Is there a resolution? I am speechless, and I don’t have a solution. Anyone out there know of a solution?

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Rock The Cradle Rule The World

/ Pozicool Raga / Leave a comment

“Women are women’s worst enemies” is perhaps an old tagline resold in new wine bottles aka memes and TV soaps. I am sure most of you agree with this. We have all experienced conflicts at the workplace and even with families. Most attribute the source to women. Be it a fight between two women or two families, it is consistently the woman who is blamed. But it is also a woman who can do the reversal of what has been said. I believe we can be better and be the best for each other.

What about women in leadership roles? How do you think she can uplift others to climb the ladder? Many of us are tuned to think that once women enter leadership positions and roles, they will forget the team. But what people don’t realize is that these same women have the power to lead teams and conglomerates up the graph, and positively as well. They have the power to influence the minds and the women around them. In other words, women can support each other and influence the workplace. 

A good team will have a healthy man-woman ratio. During the times when a woman who is in a principal leadership role is unable to meet her deadline, I have noticed other colleagues pitching in, helping and supporting them in reaching deadlines. Likewise, I have seen bosses being extremely supportive when teammates are falling behind schedules. Exceptional cases are there where women do try and bring other women teammates down to get a promotion. More empowered women are taking initiative in carrying the whole team with them. As the saying goes, ’empowered women empower women.’

As a woman, have you recently been side-lined from a project? Or been asked to step off a managerial position? Or been given a poor appraisal despite achieving top targets? If you have faced any of these, it isn’t surprising! We live in a very competitive world. Gender equality is still debated, the same pay is still disputed and for sure, women have it hard. Of course, it is the stern truth. Also, opposite genders do find opposite genders competitive and at times threatening and intimidating too, be it at the workplace or even on the family front. Many can’t handle a colleague or a family member who does it all or make it happen. I believe women possess the same efficiency as any other gender when it comes to managing, running, or directing, be it a company, corporation, or conglomerate. If the right chance, work environment, and equal rights and equal pay too are provided, women can excel in ways one cannot fathom.

Women have the following unique selling points that help them achieve good work productivity – good at the social front, strong in networking, have a great growth trajectory, good at positive mentoring, ability to don multiple roles, and have a good vision. Above all, a woman can develop a good blueprint for the organisations growth if mentored and uplifted generously. Hitting the glass ceiling and breaking it has made women reach higher roles in institutions and top MNCs in the world. 

Just have a look at the great global leaders who have been featured in the global leadership and financial indexes. From former C.E.O. of PepsiCo, Indra Nooyi, Former Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel, Vice President of the United States, Kamala Harris, Prime Minister of New Zealand, Jacinda Ardern, and to current Global C.E.O of Channel, Leena Nair and many more women at top posts have proven that positive outlook and mentoring can take you to the top. 

All of us have a good leader in us but most of us choose to be followers. This is also thanks to the years of conditioning that have gone into convincing women to leave leadership roles to men. Adding stereotypes to the above line that have been perpetuated over the years too. No comparison or putting men down in any way or doubting their leadership skills. I am just trying to make a point that women too can be good leaders if given the opportunity. 

So, let me ask, what are the good markers of a robust leader? Here it is, listen up, if you have the following traits, you are a future leader. 

Strike a good work-life balance
Inclusive at work
Strong Teamwork
Effective work management skills
Great Communicators
Love facing challenges
Good at dreaming big
Effective crises management
Don multiple hats
High E.Q.s (Emotional Quotient)
Going against conventions and leading by example

Just work hard and you will make it. As much as people will find it hard to accept, a woman can display her aptitudes when she is tossed into a crisis as well. Right from heading small cottage industries to NGOs or even conglomerates and nations, they have proven that if given the chance, they will excel! They aren’t the ones to run away (barring the scamsters who am not referring to!) from hard work. Just look at some of the top females recognized in global leadership. 

Kamala Harris, Vice President of the United States, Radhika Jones, Editor-in-Chief of Vanity Fair, Kathrin Jansen, Head of Vaccine Research and Development at Pfizer, Whitney Wolfe Herd, Founder and CEO of Bumble, Maria Eitel, Founder and Chair of the Nike Foundation and Girl Effect, Jacinda Ardern, Prime Minister of New Zealand, Melanie Perkins, Co-Founder and CEO of Canva, Christine Lagarde, President of European Central Bank, Sonia Syngal, President and CEO of Gap, Falguni Nayar, Founder & CEO, Nykaa ranked among the Forbes most powerful women in 2021, and Samia Suluhu Hassan, the newly elected President of Tanzania, we have plenty to look up to. There are many SHeroes, we just have to look around. These women are inspiring.

Going by the adage “Hum Kisise Kam Nahi”, (I am not lesser than anyone) women should keep moving forward and achieve greater heights. Nothing should stop you from shattering glass ceilings and all the interconnected myths to it. Women can be and are the biggest strength for each other. So, bust the myths and excel! Keep supporting one another!

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Dream Analysis

/ msveenagupta / 4 Comments

We, humans, love to dream. We dream endlessly. Some are aspirational ones – the ones we dream with open eyes – Our goals and Ambitions. And then there are dreams we see while asleep – the hallucinatory experience that occurs while sleeping.

The ‘Hallucinations’ (if I am allowed to call them so) are ironically considered very important. They symbolize what our subconscious is trying to communicate to us. It is said to be your psyche’s secret language. What you cannot comprehend in your waking life, often translates into dreams. Many a time your subconscious sees things you don’t realize or won’t admit in a conscious state. It tries to warn you of dangers lurking around that you won’t notice in your cognitive state.

Dreams may be silly at times and scary, nightmarish at other times. What is noteworthy is that your dreams mean something and they are trying to tell you something. It is important to note the ‘what’ and ‘why’ of what you dreamt. 

Some dreams may be just a spill out of what you went through during the day. But some may have a deeper association. Depending upon what we see, we may be able to interpret the meaning of a few such visions.

1. Falling/Breaking Teeth

Dreams of your teeth breaking or falling out mean you may be dealing with some loss in your life. Something important to you is at stake. This is particularly symbolic of losing control over a situation. Losing ‘say’ over something. Losing power. Often feeling insecure over a situation or circumstance. Teeth are also, in a way, a symbol of youth and appeal. Loss of it may at times signal your anxiety over losing health or youth or your amorousness. The fear may be realistic or a figment of your imagination, but there is anxiety related to it.

Any major life changes could also trigger such a dream. It is important to note what other emotions you experienced in your dream while losing your teeth.

2. Being Naked

These are dreams where you see yourself naked. With family or friends or in public. While this can be bewildering, it is not as bad. More often, it’s just you who sees yourself as such. It’s important to note what were the ‘others’ in your dream doing. Were they looking at you or just going about their usual business? Did they notice that you were that way? This means that there is something you are concerned will tarnish your image. Somehow the subconscious is aware of this and is projecting it as a dream in your subliminal world. If the people in your dream are going about their regular business (while you are dying in embarrassment), it is just indicative that this is just your imagination.

If they are looking at you or mocking you, then there is reason to be concerned. If they did notice and were helping you, then it’s great as this means you have a supportive circle.  

3. Spotting a Snake/Reptile

There are very few people who aren’t afraid of a reptile, especially snakes. If in your conscious life, you are afraid of reptiles, the spotting of a snake in your dream is about the same too. Snakes represent clear and present danger. It’s important to pay attention to the conduct of the reptile in your dream. Is it harming you? Is it angry and violent? Is it slithering fast or slow? Is it just present and lurking around? Is it in your clear sight or disappears? Answers to all these questions will illustrate what the snake represents. If it is just present there and not harming you, it could mean you perceive some threat or risk and that it needs to be addressed before it starts striking you. If it is staring back at you – reveals that the person or the situation is aware and is consciously trying to do so. 

Even the colour of the reptile has to do with how you feel. If the snake is black or dark-skinned, it represents great danger. Somewhat of a mystery. If it is a lighter shade, then it probably signifies imminent but benign trouble. Pay attention to what you ‘felt’ in the snake’s presence. Who was in your mind at that time? In whose presence or what situation, do you feel similarly in your waking life? This will tell you a great deal about the existing danger that your mind is trying to reveal.

4. Water

Water represents the emotional state of your being. Water, in your dreams, could mean tranquillity or trouble, both. Water is necessary for survival but also destructive if it rages. It matters as to how the water behaved in your dream. Was it clear or murky, little or abundant? Raging or quiet. Were you immersed in it or watching from a distance? Everything matters. Clear but raging water (as in the case of waterfalls) could also mean suppressed sexual tension. Murky or dirty waters mean a deep sense of guilt or trauma – something that you are struggling hard to overcome. 

Drowning or being submerged in water spells trouble – it signifies a situation where you see no hope yet. Just as you gasp for a breath while drowning, similarly you are desperately looking for a solution to your current situation. Something that may be weighing you down. 

5. Free Fall

This is when you see yourself falling into nothingness. You could be seeing yourself as a 3rd person or experiencing the fall with open eyes. Either way, it is frightening. This happens primarily when you feel you are losing control of your life. Your balance in life. When you experience loss of support or feel helpless in a situation, it could translate into dreaming about falls. It could be related to your subconscious warning you about taking too much risk about a recent decision you may have made recently. It is not a divine intervention for sure. Rather your subconscious just playing it out for you, what you already know deep down. 

Image of a girl falling.

What it tells you is about losing ‘ground’ i.e., support and foundation. There is no wonder then that this dream is common to someone recovering from PTSD. 

Dream analysis or Dream interpretation attempts to explain that your dream is not necessarily to be taken at face value. The snake in your dream isn’t a snake. Neither are you going to necessarily spot a snake soon? The dream or the object doesn’t say much about anything. 

Image dreamlike

More often it is to do with what you ‘felt’ while you saw that. It has more to do with what you experienced while you were dreaming. That is where the focus should be. That is what gives you an insight into your issue. While we try to analyze or interpret a dream, we are only trying to understand what is running in our minds. What your subconscious is trying to warn you about? It may be something you already know but are afraid to admit. 

Whether you felt fear while dreaming, insecurity or anxiety, or suppression, that is the real problem. That is where the analyses and the healing should be directed at. So, next time you dream, pay attention to your feelings. Your subconscious is trying to show you something!

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