Informative

Sologamy

/ Pozicool Raga / Leave a comment

Fad, Trend or Self-love?

We have heard of women getting married to trees, poles, and animals. We also know of monogamy (one partner), bigamy (more than two partners), polygamy (multiple partners), endogamy (marriage within one clan/tribe), and exogamy (marriage outside the clan/tribe). The internet is full of quirky facts and trivia on different types of “gamy”. Sologamy is the latest buzzword on the internet now. A wedding with oneself!  

If any of you have read the recent news (in India), you would have read about the upcoming sologamy wedding of a 24-year-old girl Kshama Bindu from Gujarat on 11 June 2022. After reading this, I bet most of you have researched this term on every search engine you know of. So, sologamy is getting married to oneself. This bride here basically decided to marry herself because she loves the idea of being a bride but not getting married to anyone. Her parents wholeheartedly agreed and supported her too.

My first reaction to reading about this was a loud guffaw! The reason is it looks like a publicity stunt and a kind of double-speak too. In a typical Indian setup, it will be referred to as “wanting to savour sweets without chewing them”. Total hypocrisy when you say you don’t like traditions but want the whole traditional finery and brouhaha of a big, fat Indian marriage. Some may call it self-love too. At the cost of being called a cynic, I call it less of self-love and more of a show-off.

But as they say, it is individual choices and at the end of the day, her life and her journey. So, June 11 will be marked in history as the first sologamy wedding to take place in India. In her complete finery, she will sit in a mandap (pandal) where the priest will read the holy Sanskrit chants like in any normal wedding, minus the groom of course. Once the wedding is solemnized, she intends to go on a two-week honeymoon as well (aka Queen style). So, here’s wishing her a happy married life ahead!

Of late, there is a surge of awareness among people about relationships, red flags in them, marriages, and self-love. Everyone is either reading or watching content about it on social media, in messages, songs, and even in movies. The Millennials as they are called or the 2K generation, are on a spree to undo what the earlier generations did in their marriages or family life. Whether it is marriage or bringing up children, going unconventional is the trend – rather than doing things differently! It doesn’t any longer bother them to remain single and live life on their terms and conditions. Society isn’t bothersome anymore.

Solo travels, honeymoons, and shopping have already been trending for a while. One more has been added to the list. Now, ‘sologamy’ is taking the concept of solo to newer heights!

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Indian Wedding Trends 2022

/ Naveeta Shokeen / Leave a comment

At the end of 2021, life returned to normality, with weddings and other major events regaining their old grandeur of colourful extravagance, but with a more careful approach. Couples and their families are striving to make weddings even more meaningful than ever before as a result of the pandemic.

If you’re planning a wedding in 2022, here’s the dirt on the trendiest wedding trends to help you arrange the ideal event.

Pay Attention to The Smallest Things

Couples and families are choosing smaller, more private celebrations where they may spend more money on a higher-quality event. The event will be more unforgettable for you and your loved ones if you pay attention to the smallest of details by personalizing and customizing each element. The recent wedding of Bollywood celebrities Ranbeer and Alia is the ideal illustration of an intimate ceremony.

Wedding in The Sunlight

Nighttime weddings have become the things of the past. Take a hint from superstars such as Katrina Kaif and Rajkumar Rao, among others, and organize a wedding during the day. Daytime weddings are gaining popularity due to their photo-worthy golden hour moments, energizing atmosphere, and design options.

Limited Guest List

We are not yet prepared to return to the era of extravagant weddings with guest lists in the hundreds. Even if guest limitations have been relaxed in the majority of locations, couples and families continue to seek the convenience and stress-free pleasure of smaller gatherings with just their closest loved ones. Not only can exclusive, handpicked guest lists make events seem more personal and memorable, but they also free up funds for the venue, attire, entertainment, or whatever else you wish.

Virtual is the Key

Virtual save-the-dates are here to stay since they provide a great deal of variety in terms of design and originality, as well as the ease of contacting visitors across the world.

Wedding Entertainment is Reinvented

Entertainment is rapidly becoming an integral aspect of festivities, and it is no longer restricted to music and dance acts alone. After two tumultuous years, couples want to express their delight and excitement with their loved ones, let free, and have fun at all of their festivities, not just the Sangeet night. Couples are embracing unique concept photobooths, disco nights, rain dance, stand-up comedy, live performers immersed in the audience, circus performances, magic shows, dance floors that flow from the stage to the beach, and so much more to bring a dose of excitement and uniqueness to every event.

Time to Pack your Bags

The easing of travel restrictions in most countries has been great news for people all over the world, but especially for couples, as they are now able to plan their dream celebration or honeymoon at the locations of their choosing. This comes after months of people holding their weddings and honeymoons at their homes and staying at home. Do bear in mind the travel rules and health warnings of the areas you visit and do not forget to take any necessary health measures to take part in the celebrations in a risk-free manner.

Outdoor Themes

Everyone appreciates the attractiveness of nature, trees, and green surroundings. Therefore, why not celebrate them at weddings? This year would be the year for marriages in the wilderness. Cooling breezes, the warmth of the sun, and the invigorating atmosphere of green plants, and coloured flowers. What a marvel to see! Destination weddings will generate genuinely remarkable memories for the couple and their loved ones by combining the customary wedding experience with the novelty and allure of an exotic locale.

Every Food has Story to Tell

The food is the highlight of every Indian wedding how grand or small it is. The menu is one of the most significant and memorable aspects of a wedding reception, and an increasing number of couples are choosing odd foods and unique selections. Dishes or themes have unique meaning to your love story, such as your first date to the first kiss for that matter. 

Old Vintage Charm in Engagement Rings 

Vintage-inspired engagement rings are popular due to their old-world allure, subtle romanticism, and of course their bold appearance. Classic diamond cuts, art deco influence, elegant filigree, and colourful stones are now popular. Katrina Kaif’s sapphire and diamond ring from Tiffany is reminiscent of Princess Diana’s classic ring from the 1980s.

Sari Not Sorry

Lehengas have long been a popular choice for brides, owing to Indian celebrity weddings when fans anxiously awaited the bride to unveil her lehenga. However, most notable females in the Indian film industry have lately chosen the sari for the most important day of their lives, ranging from Dia Mirza to Yami Gautam, Partlekha to Mouni Roy, or the nation’s heartbeat, Alia Bhatt. Saris are making a big splash on the wedding scene.

The No-Makeup, Makeup look

Bold, bright cosmetic features will take a back seat in 2022, as predicted at the start of 2021. This is also true in terms of wedding makeup. Alia Bhatt’s bridal style is the most recent example of the no makeup, makeup look. A great foundation, shimmering eyelids, mascara, and peachy nude lipstick are all that are required to make a woman seem elegant and lovely on her wedding day.

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Change is Necessary for Life

/ Naveeta Shokeen / Leave a comment

Change… It may be a frightening thought. No matter how big or minor they are, most of us would like to avoid change. On the other hand, change is an important part of growing as a person and should be welcomed. 

Here are 10 Reasons Why change is the only constant in life.

1. Internal Change Will Aid Your Concentration

Change permits you to develop into the individual you wish to be. Personal practice and implementation of change are one of the most satisfying experiences you will ever encounter. It also demonstrates a highly useful life skill. If you can identify parts of your life that you are dissatisfied with or that require more development, the capacity to alter your approach demonstrates your dedication to advancement and self-assurance. To avoid stagnation, internal changes must occur virtually continuously. Whether it’s altering your appearance, increasing your talents, enrolling in a course, or altering your daily routine, you are your own boss in life, and the majority of change originates from within.

2. You Will Be Moulded by Outside Forces

There are certain changes we cannot control. Often, external conditions and changes have a profound impact on our lives. Regardless of whether these changes appear positive or negative at the moment, they will teach you something new. The external change increases your adaptability and comprehension and prepares you for the future. Just as internal change will motivate you to advance, external change will provide you with the experience and motivation to do so. Almost every external change can be viewed in a good light. Therefore, the ability to grow from the obstacles life presents is essential for good personal development.

3. Change keeps life interesting

It is indisputable that change, whether internal or external, keeps your life fascinating. The world is always changing around you; technologies, trends, and politics will all change. A successful life experience can be had by integrating yourself into the natural ebb and flow of change. A life that does not change is likely to lack personal development, excitement, adventure, and progress.

4. Change Brings Opportunities and New Experiences

Each life move is an opportunity to try something new. You can refuse these invitations, but consider the benefits to you. These chances are easy to dismiss as risky. Taking risks and dealing with failure is part of life and might hurt your personal development. Risk management may be learned via training and supervision. Trying a new position, and accepting a new opportunity, are all positive changes.

5. Change makes bad situations fade past

Change is your ticket out of any position or place where you are unhappy or dissatisfied, whether you initiate it or it happens naturally. You will find that your circumstance does not have to remain forever if you embrace change, and you will progress to something greater and better. If you resist change, you will likely miss out on life experiences and growth possibilities. You will have the opportunity to upgrade and develop your abilities. Can help you progress, so if you don’t like something, change it.

6. Change enables you to progress

Moving forward is a long process that shouldn’t be rushed. Small daily modifications help you improve and get out of a bad position. People often consider their history their whole growth. This can hinder personal growth and limit people’s potential. Personal growth is key to progress. Investing in training yourself can help you forget your past and attain the life you’ve always desired.

7. Your journey is chronicled by change

Seasons change, new technology emerges, years pass, and people change as well. The changes you’ve gone through in your life will be counted and measured, not the awards you’ve received or the money you’ve made. You’ll never forget the opportunities you took, the risks you took, or the times you have fallen and got back up. Those landmarks are all part of your journey, each one significant in its own right to your own story and contributing to your journey. Your personal growth is dependent on the changes that have occurred in the past that have brought you to this point. And the skills and education you receive today will aid in paving your future path.

8. Progress Involves Changes

Take a look back at how far you’ve come when you feel like your advancement is slow and you’re still a long way from your life ambitions. Even if the changes are small, you are sure to have progressed from the past. Looking back over the last five years, you’ve probably evolved in more ways than you realise. Making a shift if you don’t like the path ahead could lead to a promotion, a happier lifestyle, or even a sense of fulfillment. Your goal should always be to improve, and the best way to do that is to implement improvements.

9. Change helps us to realise our strength

There’s no disputing that certain adjustments are difficult, but overcoming them may demonstrate our strength. Have you ever gone through a challenging transition? Recognize your fortitude in getting through it, and remember that if you can get through that, you can get through anything life throws at you.

10. Changes are inevitable

It’s indisputable that change is necessary for personal growth and that the two cannot coexist. You may think of yourself as someone who dislikes change, but it’s crucial to understand that change is unavoidable. Many major professional adjustments will not wait for your consent before proceeding. They will occur with or without your permission. However, you still have some influence over some of the adjustments. As a result, it’s preferable to welcome change and make it your own along the road.

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Lets Talk Sex

/ Pozicool Raga / 4 Comments

Is talking about Sex a taboo? Think again! The first fact I considered while I began writing was ‘why can’t we normalize the word sex and the act in real life.’ 
Here I begin by asking a few questions.

What Social Media platform are you mostly hooked to?
What kind of content do you scroll though on the world wide web?
What kind of web series do you prefer the most? Romance, Erotica, Crime, History, Nature…
What are your Biggest Turn Ons And Turn Offs?
What content turns you on the most? (Yeah, you heard it right!)
And finally, how frequently does one browse porn sites?

The response to all the above questions is overwhelming. And it’s a loud YES when asked if it’s high time we normalize the term ‘SEX‘. (to whoever I have communicated to). When the answers are a big YES, why isn’t this answer heard at home or in public places as loudly? There it’s a big hush and a long silence! Oops!

Considering that the Kama Sutra was written by the great Indian philosopher Vatsyayana, our culture should have been more open and inclusive. Sadly, if at any point in time, one happens to remind our society of this ancient text (when blamed for so-called “immoral acts” like dating/fraternizing/late night outs), you will more often than not get labelled with words like “besharam” or “ashleel” (immoral/shameless) and similar words in other Indian regional tongues and dialects. So, while it is okay to browse porn content on the net or even click pictures of sexual positions in Khajuraho, it is not okay to discuss it – albeit in hushed tones at parties!

Here are my 10 Reasons Why.

1. END “GENDER BENDERS” IN SEX

There is a lot of gender bias too. For instance, a man watching porn will not be judged as much as a woman who talks openly about her sexual pleasures and desires. Suddenly she will become the “spoilt” or “corrupted” woman vis a vis a man who is just “sexually frustrated and needs an outlet somewhere because he does not have a partner to satisfy his needs”. Society has boxed us into believing sex is immoral. Religion has added to it too. If you go back to the days when people adored totem poles, I doubt if such gender parity was practiced in sex back then.

2. NORMALIZE THE WORD SEX

It is high time we (or rather moral guardians) stopped saying the “Haaye Tauba (Oh my God), Sex?!” line. Let alone the practical usage of the word sex in daily conversations, one cannot even practically enjoy having sex, thanks to the many taboos and myths floated by our society. It is okay to have sex with a stranger in an arranged marriage but bad to have sex with the one you are living in with, or someone you are dating or in love with.

3. LEGAL SEX VS “IMMORAL SEX”!

So, well-meaning elders will push you to get married so that we can have legal sex! Some elders even whine and complain about premarital sex. I even wondered (before I got married) whether the method of having sex changes before and after marriage too (I know it is a bad joke, but I just couldn’t help but wonder!) And why is there such a brouhaha about sex? After all, it is just a simple loving act of making love to the person you connect with.

NOTE: Watching porn in private spaces is NOT ILLEGAL in India as per Article 21 of the Indian Constitution. Article 21 gives the right to life and personal liberty to Indian citizens. In 2015, the Supreme Court of India orally remarked that "viewing porn in a private room may fall under the Constitution's right to personal liberty and is therefore legal".

4. SEX FOR PLEASURE – NOT FOR MAKING BABIES ALONE!

So, if you think the married are living in peace (most do), with so many judgements passed about sex, even they can’t enjoy it in peace ‘coz of the next big step – making a baby. Society takes it upon itself the role of a moral guardian who decides how much and when to have sex! Of late, cinemas have released a slew of movies on the same with a sarcastic and satirical touch. Sadly, there is so much stress on couples who just want to date and have sex for pleasure. This is even after our courts have even legalized live-in relationships. As a result, couples are even resorting to being underground with their relationships despite being “majors”. For fear of being judged, many joined dating sites anonymously for hookups.

5. SEX FOR PLEASURE – NOT A PORN SYMBOL!

Masturbation and self-pleasure are considered immoral for years. So, exploration of the body is now limited to digital pleasures alone. Sex toys are also labelled in the same category as porn now! As a result, sex has become associated with soft porn and hard porn (classified by the internet) vis a vis a union between two souls and bodies.

6. PORN VS REAL SEX

The above point clearly showed how soft and hard porn websites are mushrooming as we even speak. It is equally important to be aware of the fact that many people are acting in porn films and whatever people see in that movie, is pure acting. Unfortunately, from orgasm to the mourning sounds are fake! These actions on a reel, cannot be replicated in real life! Couples must be mindful of consent and boundaries when it comes to having sex (vis a vis what is shown on-screen – aggression). Mutual respect while making love goes a long way in preserving a loving relationship! Marriages end up in disasters as one of the couples wants a scene from a sex clip to be replicated at home – minus the consent of the partner.

7. SEX EDUCATION IN SCHOOLS & AT HOMES

Most schools in India have skewed sex education – isolated teachings for both boys and girls about private parts of the body. Some schools still don’t have such lessons on sexual health, the dos, and the don’ts too! A few schools have started teaching “good touch” and “bad touch” but it is still a long way to go. There is a critical question to ask here: Why is it not encouraged to talk about sex at home (for instance, switching channels when a sex scene is happening or kissing scenes) when kids are around? Parents are always skeptical about answering doubts (either due to lack of knowledge or fear of teaching it). The first instinct of any parent is to shoo their kids away when there is an adult scene in a movie. Even if kids do watch it, it is up to the parent to give age-appropriate explanations vis a vis avoiding it.

8. BOOKS, SEX EDUCATION & KIDS

There are some amazing books on teaching sex education to children – all genders if one wants to educate their children. Social media isn’t far behind as well. Many good sex educators hold workshops for parents and all those interested to know more about sex.

A few books (there are more books) recommended for kids by experts:
1. Amazing You! by Gail Saltz
2. Robie H Harris series of books (for all kids above 4 years)
3. What makes a baby? by Cory Silverberg
4. Let’s Talk About the Birds and the Bees by Molly Potter

9. PREVENTING SEXUAL ASSAULTS

Curiosity between all genders increases when sex becomes a mystery word. Instead of giving it nicknames, if sex is spoken aloud as a word, many misdeeds can be prevented. Families and society can go a long way in nipping crimes in the buds! There will be lesser or no abusers in society once this change comes through! We have a long way to go and we need to start now to make a change on this matter. Teach good touch and bad touch without fail. Let’s start at home.

10. UNESCO SPEAKS

According to the world body UNESCO, “Sexuality education has positive effects, including increasing young people’s knowledge and improving their attitudes related to sexual and reproductive health and behaviours. Sexuality education – in or out of schools – does not increase sexual activity, sexual risk-taking behaviour, or STD/HIV infection rates.”

Let’s create awareness and talk about sex more and we will have healthier generations!

Follow Priya Rajendran
The Word Route

Ivaans Mumma

/ dinah1995 / Leave a comment

I love who I am today. It is surreal, the whole experience. This whole motherhood chapter. As if something has drastically changed – priorities, pass-time, likes, preferences, lifestyle, habits, myself!

I gave birth to a prince. I gave birth to Ivaan, whose name my partner and I chose for him during one of our very happy evening walks.

The experience of child labour was nothing short of a natural miracle. One can only imagine how it would be. It started like regular abdominal cramps and went unbelievably unbearable. However, all the traumatic minutes I spent in the labour ward were all worth it the moment I saw his little face. Too scared and overwhelmed, I remember touching his forehead with my index finger when he was brought to me first.

I am enjoying every bit of this journey. Looking forward to many more beautiful moments that I will be able to capture in my heart and mind forever!

I never expected myself to become who I am today. From a girl who knew nothing about handling children to a woman dreaming dreams for her younger one, I have matured.

I am going to relish this journey the most because these precious moments are not constant. Time flies, days pass by, children grow up, we live our lives and things don’t remain the same forever. Before I can even imagine, my little boy will become not so little anymore. He will one day not fit into my arms, he will one day grow up and drink his milk on his own, one day he will wave at me and go on trips, one day he will not be next to me, touching me or sleeping on me. As much as I am happy for him to grow up and be the man he’s destined to be, I am also trying to live this life when he’s so innocently little, relishing and enjoying his little milestones.

My little man Ivaan has completed me as a woman. I am happy to be his Mumma. I am happy to live life to fit his needs and desires into mine. I am excited to dream big for and with my boy. I am ready to be the mom I am purposed to be.

I love who I am today – Ivaan’s Mumma, partner, buddy, well-wisher, mentor, teacher, and above all, his best friend!

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Imperfectly Perfect Moms

/ Pozicool Raga / 2 Comments

For a mom, quintessentially speaking… everyday is mother’s day. It’s the fact. I know it was last week we all had our celebrations, opened presents from our kids and received lots of wishes… Still I believe I have to write more about it. I thought hard about what I could write and here is my tribute to all mothers.

I recently came across a video on social media that shows a corporate boardroom panel where the Ad head ask for suggestions from the team to design an ad campaign for Mother’s Day. Predictably, most on the panel suggested depicting a mother multitasking (akin to Goddess Durga with nine hands). Though one lone team member said “why should mothers be perfect?”. Why should we be perfect! There is so much pressure on a mom who has to constantly watch her back to see if anyone is noticing her “imperfect” actions. So true, isn’t it? So instead, let us celebrate the imperfections and stop making our mothers a Goddess who needs to be perfect in everything! I was happy to finally see one media campaign doing this. I hope many more ad campaigns follow this one.

So, how many times have you heard from your mother or grandmother to do things perfectly and in order, especially when you get married and when you have children too? I have heard this line from my mom and other older moms too – “Wait till you become a mom someday”. I am sure even you would have and are hearing this line daily from your parents. I remember my repartee to my mom while growing up, saying “I will be different. You wait and watch” – and I practice this fervently each day as a mom myself now! 

Unquestionably, motherhood is a big challenge. There is no doubt that the human race is evolving but one person who is expected to be a constant is a mom. A mom is anticipated to remain perfect and is constantly judged. (I would call it a scanner) She is under peer and family pressure, and under society’s surveillance mostly all times, which does its best to keep a mom “in her place!”. No matter how hard she tries, either her kids will judge her or her parents or in-laws or even relatives. So, whenever I meet a mom, I always tell her to follow her heart and do what she feels is right because people will judge every fragment of her. 

Many think mothers have to be super-human and yet again the same term, ‘perfect’ at what they are doing. It puts so much pressure to be “perfect” and then walk on eggshells to ensure they don’t falter or slip. Standards of perfection are set high in our society which are difficult to reach. As a result, mothers easily slip into depression and constantly feel unsatisfied with their parenting. There is more to life than being a parent – it is to be your own self and add happiness to that! A majority still expect the mother to be “on time” in all her work (doesn’t matter if it leaves her unhappy and stressed all the time!), always want her to be prim and proper, expect her children to be disciplined, expect her to multitask all the time (courtesy ridiculous memes on social media). 

Here are some hard facts about some “PERFECT MOM” :

1. She is the last one to eat.No one ever asks her too.
2. Always the host and she always play the perfect host. 
3. Postpones her relaxing time. Self-care is her least priority. 
4. Defers her travel plans. Her plans gone with the wind...
5.  Works with a sore back, never a complaint. Self care makes her feel she is selfish.
6. Ensures her kids are doing well, from dawn to dusk...
7. Delays her health check-up for family members; neglects taking her medication on time. 
8. Always aims to be a perfect role model. For everyone around.
9. Guilt tripping and getting guilt tripped by own family, friends for “neglecting her duties” if she stepped out. 
10.Add gaslighting by family, friends or relatives and other folks around. Society is very capable of making her chained to it's whims and expectations.

Yes, the list can go on and on…The above list isn’t about moms on television and web series. It’s the real moms who are conditioned to be perfect and nothing else. Those who refuse to adhere to perfection are termed “rebels”. Some reel moms, influencers and unrealistic expectations from reel life are shown as perfect on social media and various platforms. Thankfully some real and celebrity moms are now busting the “perfect mother” myths through their realistic reels and videos showing it is okay to be messy. 

Check out the recipe followed since generations:

So, how did our mothers become this perfect? Well, society including families have moulded such moms over years. They became epitomes of perfection and spoke highly as if trophies would be awarded to them. 

The Perfection recipe: 

Guilt trip (add regular blackmail) 
+ 
comparing to another ideal/superior mom 
+ 
constantly drilling in “pointers to become a good mom” 
+ 
Gaslighting (occasionally praising her and then pulling her down through guilt) 
= 
Perfect moms

Time to break Generational codes

We are inching towards the 22nd century, and we are ridden with 9th or perhaps 10th century value systems. Each generation evolves, and each of these generational codes must chip off. We keep stressing the importance of respecting mothers but effectively, how many families RESPECT mothers? Respecting mothers may not always mean giving them a home, property rights or treating them to meals. True respect will only come if we allow them to think for themselves and, allow them to be human (to make mistakes) and appreciate their self-worth.

Appreciating her multitasking skills is not definitely respecting her. This is an old stereotype too. Almost every woman’s day or Mother’s Day, we all receive memes showing a Goddess with nine hands doing nine things. Without even making this a gender debate, let us think of how to reduce the hands she has to use. Ever heard of decentralizing governments? Well, just like decentralizing involves distribution of powers from the Centre to the States and eventually to the masses, similarly let us start distributing duties and responsibilities – physical, financial and emotional – among all family members. All this to be done minus guilt tripping the mother.

My Imperfection Recipe: 

Family time with inclusivity, not to exclude her 
+ 
Equal distribution of work among family members 
+ 
Postponing “chores” & taking breaks 
+ 
Banning negative words at home, gaslighting & guilt tripping 
+ 
Lots of laughter at home 
+ 
Respecting her choices & accepting her flaws
=
Imperfectly Perfect Moms

I can assure that we will witness a visible positive and satisfied change in all our mothers. Imagining this brought a smile to your faces, right? So now visualize and do this in real life as well. From now on, make every day Mother’s Day and stop making mothers “perfection divas”. Rather, let us let our moms to be real, crazy, goofy and imperfect with a zest for life. Chores and daily routines need not become our life! Let us ban the word “perfect” and be more “imperfectly perfect”. Take this message coming from one mom to another.

After all, “Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara.” (you get to live this life only once).

Follow Priya Rajendran and The Word Route

Three Months of Being Pregnant

/ dinah1995 / Leave a comment

I didn’t go through the nine to ten months of pregnancy like most women do – quite literally. I discovered the pregnancy only during my fifth month, so I didn’t notice the suffering of the first trimester and its nauseating consequences! I noticed quickening and that’s where my journey of being pregnant started. That’s what I felt first about the whole deal.

On the 4th of September 2021, I went for my first ultrasound scan. There I saw the person growing inside me. A little human being inside me that all this while I did not notice. What I saw overwhelmed me. I instantly cried. My emotions were driving me to a state that I have never felt before. I am an emotional person and what I saw, I can never forget. The first time I saw the baby, it yawned. When I saw the baby yawn inside my belly, I decided it was going to be just fine – it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. That was when I told myself that this was part of my destiny for sure.

It was then I came back to tell myself that I am going to get so ready for this baby. I quite didn’t have any expectations. I did think it would be a girl and even thought of a name – Tiah! I somehow could not come up with a boy’s name. I was somehow sure it was going to be a girl.

I watched my tummy grow. I could not believe it. I remember imagining how it would be when I was much younger. It was all about curiosity. Curious to know how, when, what and why of pregnancy, delivery, postpartum, raising a child, handling babies, baby songs, baby movies, and everything related to being a new parent. I taught myself many things. I researched, watched videos, read articles, watched interviews, spoke to new parents, and consulted with my doctor with whom I bombarded all my questions. I did everything possible I could have. I remember waking the baby with little pats on my belly and feeling him kick! It was out of this world! Those feelings make you so vulnerable and emotional and it is the most beautiful sensation of all times.

I began to not fit into the clothes I was flaunting a few months back. I started eating more. At that time, I did not particularly think much about the weight I was accumulating. I wanted the baby to be healthy especially because I did not provide him with the right medication and care he was supposed to get during the initial stages of pregnancy. There were minor complications due to lifestyle and negligence of health earlier, but we were fine.

I was not sure how to prepare myself, the house, my Marley the Lhasa Apso, my room, my partner, my parents, my sister, or the environment to welcome the baby. I was lucky to have one of my best friends, Aishwarya who was a new mom herself, by my side from day one of knowing about the pregnancy to guide me and tell me what and what not to do and expect during the whole process.

I remember feeling excited and scared at the same time when the doctor said she was going to induce my labour on the 2nd of December 2021. On the last day of being pregnant, we celebrated by going for dinner at one of my favourite restaurants. On the 1st of December, we cut a beautiful baby-themed cake Aishwarya brought for me and went to the hospital to get admitted.

Things fell into place – at the right pace, at the right time, just perfectly aligned with the Universe.

To be continued…

Read Part 1 – How it started
Read Part 2 – Surprised or Shocked

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PEMA

/ ksyamala1954 / 3 Comments

“Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Satchel page. When one becomes mentally strong one neither does need the support of anybody nor the luxury of relationships. Love becomes unconditional with no expectations, no demands, no frustration. A state of detachment. 

We children fondly called her PEMA (the other mother), who made delicious appam( rice cake). I have never tasted such a flavourful, soft, and delicious white appam made with fermented rice flour in my whole life. Even today I have tried to make appams, but couldn’t get Pema’s appams softness and texture. 

Pema’s thatched house was near our school. The atmosphere itself had the fragrance of the palatable appam, which overtook the smell of the Cutticura talcum powder we used. She always sat on the floor paved with cow dung in front of the fireplace. I was often afraid of what will happen if a fire broke out on the sliding veranda where the small kitchen was placed.

The old woman was always sweating before the fireplace. She made appam simultaneously with two iron pots. The hot appam is placed either in the ‘vatta leaf’ or pieces of plantain leaf, go along with dry coconut chutney seasoned with plenty of roasted onion mustard seed and curry leaves.

The only luxury in her house was a bench placed on the front porch. Those who were lucky had gotten a seat and eat the yummy dish, others would stand here and there, in the neat courtyard, and relish the appam. A large vessel and an earthen pot filled with water were kept nearby. There was a glass tumbler also.

After finishing our meal we drink water from the earthen pot and washed our hands from the water kept in the vessel. We had always noticed her in the same attire, a lungie, blouse, and a small towel placed on her shoulder. Very rarely did Amma give me money, so I regulated my visit to her, I was also tired of stealing anna(currency unit formerly used in British India) from my mom’s betel box.

Once I asked Pema, “why are you in the same dress?” She laughed showing the gum. I discovered that she had no teeth on her upper jaw.

“Don’t make her laugh, my friend warned me, I saw droplets of saliva fall upon your hand.” But I admired her toothless laughing. I often complained mom of not making that spongy appam in our house. She tried hard but in the end, the product lacked the original texture and smell. Mom told me” That was due to her silap(gifted hands). She put her heart and soul into her cuisine to attract customers because it is her lively hood.” I don’t know whether that answer satisfied me or not. 

It was drill period, we were allowed to play outside. One of my friends called me “come there is something very special to see. I accompanied her to Pema’s house. She was standing in her courtyard holding a basket. She whistled in a particular manner with her lips and tongue. All of a sudden a group of dogs, cats, and a flock of birds like a parrot, mynah, crow, etc appeared. The atmosphere was filled with the chirping of birds and musings of dogs and cats. She gave out the appam in plantain leaves. Without any hurry, they ate silently. In between, she uttered to them in her dialect. She offered them water in a large vessel. After the sumptuous meal one by one they disappeared. Like a well-directed animation movie, I saw the whole episode with incredible excitement. Oh! What a sight!!!

On my birthday my mom usually made steamed “Ela ada”. Rice flour mixed with water and ghee, spread in plantain leaf, with fillings made with coconut, jaggery, and a pinch of cardamom powder, my all-time favourite dish. I shared one of them with Pema. That was such a wonderful moment, she laughed like crying and kissed my sandal pasted forehead.

“Your birthday falls on which day,” I asked.

She said, “people like us don’t have a birthday. We don’t know when we were born. We were in a continuous race to live a life.”

Slowly despair began to overtake the bright face of her. Within no time she recouped her happy-go-lucky nature.

“You have no relatives or spouse? What is your real name?” I was curious. She took my hand and given a warm kiss.

“You kids are all I have,” she said.

“Did you go to the temple and pray?” She looked at me unbelievably with bare eyes. 

“Temple. !! I don’t have time, I have so many works to do ” 

“Like?” I asked.

“Collecting firewoods, making dough for the next day, cleaning the house, courtyard, utensils, fetching water from the far-away community well, door delivering the excess appam, and so on.” she said.

After a while thoughtfully she asked herself ” What would I ask for God?”

I became dumbfounded, her question wavered into my mind. As a child even I had so many perks in my kitty to ask from God. I narrated our entire conversation to my mother. In my voice she saw anxiety, and she consoled me “there are so many people in this world like Pema. Sometimes they hardly know even their name. You are too small to understand those things. Let them live the way they have been living, at their own pace”.

Usually, people of her age are resting or under the care of children or spouses. She was not there to complain even before the Almighty. All I saw in Pema was a dignified woman in empowerment, and independence. Unheard of during those days, in those generation, or half a century ago. The heat and summer didn’t touch her, who bears eternal winter.

Follow K. Syamala

Early Reader Bird Catches The Bookworm

/ Pozicool Raga / Leave a comment

Books are a different world altogether. For me, it has always meant an alternate universe, lots of colours, different creatures and humans. For children, it symbolizes wonder, curious energy and lots of wild imagination. My childhood was brimming with words, a splash of colours and lots of friends in it. Truly, books were and are my best friends, to date. 

I speak to a lot of parents on a daily basis. Most parents complain about their children’s lack of interest in reading and prefer the screen to it. Visuals seem more fun these days for kids since it is instant stimulation and no imagination. They can see all characters as it is. Books on the other hand fuel imagination. As a child, if you have read books (especially comics), you would only find limited drawings/sketches. 

Mostly only the main character will be shown in drawings and the rest of the characters left to the imagination of the child. For instance, an Akbar Birbal story book would have maybe three or four “Navratnas” (nine gems/valuable courtiers) in Akbar’s court. Everyone who has read these stories would inevitably remember Akbar and Birbal alone. But in this visual generation, children will remember all faces thanks to a wider screen for stories. As a result, imagination is slowly running dry. 

I resonate with this thought I read on a bookmark that was given to me with a book at a bookstore: “That’s the thing about books. They let you travel without moving your feet.”

There must be an optimum balance between books and screen time (lesser or least time for the latter). I can give several examples of books apart from the above mentioned. Indian mythological tales, Enid Blyton, Famous Five, Secret Seven, Nancy Drew and the new age children’s books like The Wimpy Kid’s Diary and many more, have fuelled imagination of generations.

10 Reasons Why

1. AGE, NO BAR
There is no specific age for introducing books to children. Children as young as six months can read books. At every age, books can be read in a different way. At six months, the baby may not process what he or she is reading. It will just be the pictures and colours in the book. They will browse picture books till they are two years and you can read out stories to them too. After they turn two, you can start reading out stories aloud to them. 

2. SETS A REGULAR BOOK ROUTINE 
Just like children have a routine from brushing teeth, bathing, meals, school etc, it is good to have a nap time routine for books (no e-books or any digital books, please) as well. 

3. INSPIRES ART 
Surprisingly, children start drawing and colouring also quite early. Books open a new avenue for imagination and freedom to experiment with colours and shapes. And where do you think they form images of these? Through books, of course! Ask any child who reads to draw, you will find them doodling stick figures at early stages and later human figures and animal figures by the time they are seven. Besides this, they learn to draw their emotions as well. 

4. GOOD FOR EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT (EQ)
Books help children in connecting with various characters – animals/humans/any object in stories. Pictorial graphics help the child imagine these characters and relate to particular personality traits as well. A good way of making them articulate their emotions easily is to help them learn story telling and encourage them to narrate their own stories. 

5. A STORY TELLER IS BORN! 
Story weaving is a popular technique used in preschools these days. A book of their choice is chosen by each group of children. There will be at least three to four groups like this. Based on the story, word(s) are assigned to each child and they have to build sentences as they sit in a circle. The last child in the circle will narrate the entire story using words used by all the kids. A wonderful method to enhance vocabulary too. Older kids can narrate their own stories to the class too.
6. “FRIENDS FOR LIFE”
Children can engage themselves reading books any time of the day. They can never get bored (as most kids complain these days) reading. On days children do not have friends to play with, or they go to a party where there are no kids, books are their best friends. Whether it is while travelling or those rainy days, books are the best buddies. Years later, children will have rich memories of books they read while growing up. The doodles done in them will remain forever!

7. INITIATES WRITING 
This is for older kids. Once the reading routine is set, children learn a lot of new words. They can start writing diaries. With an enhanced vocabulary, they even write their own stories, reviews of books in the diary. Essay writing will be a breeze thanks to the reading habit. They will remember quotes from various books they read.

8. BONDING WITH YOUR CHILD 
A book reading time minus all gadgets is the best for connecting with your child. Your child will not only feel important if you do this, he or she will use that time to narrate their favourite stories to you. Such moments are priceless!

9. ENHANCES BRAIN DEVELOPMENT 
Research has proven that reading enhances “language growth, emergent literacy and reading achievement”. In other words, cognitive skills can be tapped in the formative years (0-6 years) through reading. Oratorical skills, emotions and last but not the least, knowledge increases by leaps and bounds through reading.

10. LIFE SKILL & TONS OF MEMORIES 
Reading is a skill you learn, which remains till your last breath. Books you read help you in all walks of life! You will always remember books you read in your childhood till the end of your life. You can build memories with every page you read. I still have books with my doodles in them and even remember when I drew them.

Thanks to my love for books that was inculcated during my childhood, I have done the same for my son who is turning 8 this year. I began reading him books ever since he was 6 months old. Now he loves books and says they are his best friends! He doesn’t even mind re-reading books and narrating characters giving it his own twist.

Gift your child this best friend and you won’t ever regret it! Someone has rightly said “A book is a gift you can open again and again” just like good memories.

Follow Priya Rajendran

Surprised or Shocked

/ dinah1995 / 3 Comments

After all the Pandemic pressure and freedom to find myself on a deeper level, I was struck by something very unexpected.

It was the last day of August when I decided to go to a gynaecologist to check how my Polycystic Ovarian Disease, or PCOD was doing. I was unwell for a while and the situation was such that we thought it was Covid. Well, guess what, I had already come through my first trimester by then!

The scan which was supposed to be done to check how my PCOD was, ended up showing me that I was five months pregnant! Surprised or Shocked? I couldn’t decide then.

I was absolutely not ready to be who I was going to be, who I am today. I remember being completely shut down, spoke quite little, contemplated how it is all going to be, how I am going to transform, whether I was indeed ready for this transformation; angry at myself for not knowing my body well enough, happy that I was chosen despite having severe PCOD issues – a lot of different thoughts.

I suddenly matured – started constantly keeping the room clean, folding blankets, keeping the house tidy, behaving responsibly with medication, took more care of what I ate, how much water I drank, basically took more care of myself. It was a mixture of emotions, good, bad, ugly, satisfying, parallel – mood swings like never before, tantrums so childish, cravings of shawarma like never before, fear, anxiety, heaviness along with smiles, eagerness, excitement of some sort, joy, I don’t know what not!

I still can’t decide – Surprised or Shocked?

To be continued…

Read Part 1 – How it started

Follow Aakanksha Dinah