“Hey, Mom, I am leaving for college… So don’t wait for Dinner, and I got extra classes after college.”

Mom: Wait! Have your breakfast and carry some lunch with you… wait…listen…

BYE, MOM. 

Door SLAM SHUT!

We all have had this conversation at some point in life, in one form or another. With spouse, father, mother, friends …someone. What’s the issue here? I will tell you. Let’s first see another instance…

Doctor: Your Father has severe dementia from Alzheimer’s. He may not be able to eat or bathe by himself. And in the last stages, it may get worse. See if you want to admit him to a Nursing Facility.

Family member: Oh dear. He should feel better at home. 

The point here is ‘Care’!

From general everyday things and access to healthy food to special care during illness or recovery, care is required at every stage. It is as essential as the curative treatment itself, and sometimes more. Imagine even going for a minor surgery without anyone giving you post-operative care. Even the thought is a bit unsettling.

Care Is Important.

With the recent pandemic hitting us, everything we knew, owned, or believed was tested. Our jobs, careers, relationships, finances, life plans…everything went for a toss. It was like a ‘Surprise Test’ doled out to us out of nowhere! No one was prepared for it, had ever experienced something like this before, and no one knew what it had in store for us. No one even knew whether we would survive this and meet our beloveds at the other end. But it gave us our biggest Lesson so far – ‘We only have each other to count on!’  

The Covid pandemic taught us the importance of ‘Care’ in a big way. Not just during the illness but also something as mundane as someone asking if you are okay and if you had your meal on time – this is what each one craved during this time. Anyone who had someone to care for them emotionally, physically, or financially felt blessed. We had our houses, belongings, savings, cars, and everything intact. But we still felt empty and longing for basics like food, medicines, fresh air, and, most importantly – Connections! We craved friends and family. We longed for ‘CARE.’

Entitlement To Care!

Although Covid did teach us what is essential and what we shouldn’t take for granted, some of us never quite learn our lessons.

‘Care’ is one thing many of us take for granted. But, not just taken for granted, we think we are ‘Entitled’ to it! Whether it is our parents caring for us in different ways, our spouse, friends, roommates, or just about anyone. We do not view it as something we are ‘blessed with’ but rather as ‘entitled to!’ My mom cares for me because she is supposed to, right? But, we think they care because ‘they ought to!’ that’s their job. WRONG!

They care because we mean something to them. Because they hold us in their hearts. Because their heart aches to see us in distress. This is precious, as you cannot create or summon these feelings in anyone. Nor can you ‘try’ to care for someone you naturally don’t like. This should be held close to the heart and valued highly if someone is genuinely concerned for you. The irony, however, is that a person who cares does not get any reciprocation of love, or even if they do, it’s far less than what they deserve. This is because we need to value love and Care more. At least not until it’s lost!

Care is COSTLY.

One hypothesis on why we don’t value care and concern is that these are abstract feelings. And we always need to understand its value because we cannot measure it in actual monetary terms. If we could put a price tag on the abstract, would we ever appreciate its value? Have you ever ‘paid’ for help and care? If you had, you would have understood that care is precious and very COSTLY!

Try hiring external help – Palliative care, Hospice care, Geriatric Care, pediatric Care, or even Nursing home costs – all come for a considerable price. The care you would otherwise get from your loved ones costs you a bomb if you set out to buy it. Will you believe me if I say I can charge you $100* a day for just giving you a day off from caring for an elderly/terminally ill patient? (Respite care). Or can I charge you $193* per day if you are about to die in 2 months? (Hospice care). (*Data from Discovery Commons and debt.org)

Believe me when I say ‘Care’ comes at a Price!

Care is Concern & Love in its purest form!

Yes, concern and love in their purest form pour out in the form of care in everyday life. It may not sound like ‘I LOVE YOU’ and ‘I CARE FOR YOU’ but rather ‘did you have your lunch?’ or ‘how was your day at work?’ Remember what Piglet from Winnie the Pooh says…

Be grateful while it lasts.

Nothing remains permanent, and nothing makes us ‘entitled’ to any care we receive. So if anyone cares for you, in whatever way, the least you can do is view it gratefully and reciprocate gracefully! 

Care for the ‘Caring’ – they are a scarce breed; be gracefully grateful while it lasts…for you!

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Despite being guilty of terrible morning routines for years together, I have ultimately comprehended the significance of peace, calm, good vibes, determination, and discipline as soon as we wake up.

I have experienced extreme mood swings and irritation early in the morning, regardless of whether or not I slept well during the night. This was only because of what I did instantly after I woke up. I was abysmal in maintaining discipline and routine in my life. I have been too easygoing, and this attitude cost me my physical health and mental shape. And also the days that could have been better and a lot of my potential to do well and be productive.

You would not find this abnormal. We are all guilty of this behaviour. The first item on my list when I opened my eyes was to check my phone. And scan through all the different notifications that had flooded it. It did no good whatsoever! I walked into the loo with my phone and sat for minutes daily. I did not know how time flew by. I checked my emails, messages, social media accounts, news, and whatnot!

All this while, I read articles about how I must not glimpse at my phone as soon as I wake up. And also, the last thing we do before going to sleep must not be to check our phone. Easy to read, so hard to practice! But then, one fine day, I stopped the practice and did something different – I woke up, felt good about the day, said a word of prayer and gratitude, and affirmed being positive and productive. I took each day, one day at a time!

I walked to the loo empty-handed, brushed my teeth, washed my face with cold water, and drank a glass of warm water. I then went to the balcony, watched the day unfold before me, and listened to my love birds chirping and wishing me a good day! Finally, I took a few minutes for myself and recollected everything I was to finish and accomplish that day.

Not looking at my phone did not cost me anything at all. Instead, it helped me prepare myself for the day better. So I decided to make this my daily morning routine.

My newfound routine is highly wholesome and healthy – both physically and mentally. It does all good things to the mind and keeps me away from the screen early in the morning. It keeps me away from the constant competition of social media and the toxic drama of the world. I got some time to infuse positive energy within me to deal with the day.

I encourage each one to try this out. Then, of course, we can always add things like a small workout session, yoga, reading something light like a few pages from a novel, taking a shower, perhaps bathroom singing to let that adrenaline flow, listening to good music, and so on!

With a planned routine, start your day well, spend your day well and end your day well.

Follow Aakanksha Dinah

Love is a beautiful experience. It might be the most profound and indescribable emotion anyone can ever feel. Yet, even though everyone can sense this sentiment, many cannot distinguish between “loving someone” and “falling in love with someone.”

It’s a widespread misconception that they are the same; the objectives may differ, but the intensity may feel the same. To tell the difference between the two, here are six pointers.

You choose to love someone; being in love is not a decision.

When it comes to loving someone, you are entirely in control. Based on their attributes, you decide whether to put your faith in their skills and morality. You also have the choice to stop loving someone or something and let them go from your life if things don’t work out. It is impossible to say the same if you fall in love with someone. You cannot run away from it because it could happen at any time without prior notice. You can tell you’re in love with someone when that feeling lingers in your mind long after you’ve managed to leave.

Being in love requires putting the other person first and wanting the best for them.

You will always want what is best for someone you love. But does this imply that you are prepared to suffer to support them in achieving their objectives? That question never even occurs to you if you are in love with someone since you would never question it. You would prioritize the individual and go above and beyond to ensure their success. However, it may also refer to making the person’s life simpler. You’ll take steps to reduce the person’s stress, such as taking more turns walking the dog or cooking more frequently.

Being in love comes with a lot of emotions. 

Being in love comes with a lot of highs and lows. The issue is that they do not satisfactorily complement one another. The attachment may endure for some time, but the moment a crisis arises, it may all end. It’s similar to riding a rollercoaster, but the experience eventually ends. However, while in love, you never feel the relationship will end in disaster, regardless of what happens. Because you and your partner are in love, you are confident that you two will find a solution.

Being in love requires balance since loving someone means you need them all the time.

Far or near, you need them. You miss them profoundly and the far they are the near they are. Also, it’s not harmful to always want someone around; it implies you adore and value their company. However, when you are in love with someone, you naturally want to be with them all the time, but you also understand that there needs to be a healthy balance between your time together and their time. You realise that the balance is required because you want them to be content. You know they will return home to you at the end of the day, whether you allow them time to indulge in their hobbies or even go out with friends.

Being in love refers to how you make the other person feel, whereas loving refers to how they make you think.

When it comes to love, this is a typical error that individuals frequently make. In response to the question, “Why do you adore this person?” They often reply, “I like how they make me feel.” That response is acceptable but expresses your love for the person, not your infatuation. True love exists when you care more about your lover’s feelings than yourself. You could say that being selfless and prioritising your lover before yourself is a sign of true love.

Being in love is a partnership, and loving implies ownership.

When you love someone, you want the entire world to know that they belong to you. As a result, you give that person a name and claim ownership over them. It would be best if you reassured you regularly that they are your boyfriend or girlfriend, and you also need them to reassure you regularly that they are yours. Labels like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” become meaningless when two people deeply fall in love. You both agree that despite being together, you are both unique individuals. Even though you are a couple, you both acknowledge this fact.

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Your mind is a reflection of who you are. It acts more like a mirror that shows the person you are from within. Relaxing your mind is as essential as taking rest and giving your physical body a break. 

Taking some time off and rejuvenating yourself, avoiding anything that can cause stress, anxiety, or even the mundane life routine, could help relieve a lot of day-to-day pressure. We are all taking up a lot more than what our minds, brains, and bodies can. We are working longer hours and multitasking like never before, and there is a lot of pressure and competition around us. As a result, screen time is much more than it used to be a few years ago. In addition, there is inflation, economic pressure, lifestyle changes, and a lot more that is going on that can affect us in many different ways. 

Life has become more like a rat race to nowhere! People are all so busy running the race, not understanding that it does not matter who comes first. However, what matters is that half of the people running the race could probably fall sick and tired of the whole thing quickly down the lane. 

To avoid such exhaustion, it is critical to stay put, not forget to enjoy and relish the little things, stay rooted and avoid unnecessary social competition. With the rising use of social media and other social platforms, people constantly need to look, behave and live life a certain way – which is absolutely not required. People must realize that “You do you – I do me. We are all different and unique in our good ways”. 

Take a break, let loose, and go for a holiday. Stay away from screens, practice family dinners and meal times, play with children, read good books, listen to good music, watch inspirational movies, talk to wise people and get motivating ideas to keep going. Providing your mind with the proper measures can go a long way! Be patient with yourself, keep doing what you feel is best for you to heal wholly, and run your race – because it is always you against you and no one else. And remember, at your pace.

Rejuvenate your mind and make peace with what you have achieved. Take pride in yourself and appreciate yourself. Do anything that can give you peace and calm. Be there for you – because no one else understands you as you do…

Follow Aakanksha Dinah 

Be yourself for yourself. Sounds great! Yet it may appear to be next to impossible to arrange a time for ourselves in a world that is constantly bustling with activity. There is a never-ending supply of excuses to put off “me” time until the next day, and the narrative does not change when the next day becomes the present. When it comes to practicing self-care and being the best version of yourself, understanding why, how, and when to plan time for yourself is the spark that lights the fire and gets the ball rolling. 

The Miracles of ‘Me’ Time

When developing one’s self-confidence, a lot of stress is placed on the significance of having a positive internal dialogue, but what about the adage that “actions speak louder than words”? The conscious decision to carve out time “only for me” conveys a constructive message to our inner selves through the medium of action. This action sends the statements, “I matter,” “I’m worth it,” and “I am a priority,” all at the same time. When we allow ourselves permission to have time for “me,” we offer ourselves the room to explore new interests, discover what truly brings us to life, and fall in love with a pastime.

Not only does taking care of ourselves improve our relationship with ourselves, but it also improves our relationship with others. It is simple to feel powerless in the face of life when our minds and bodies are constantly engaged in some activity. As a result, this contributes to the rapid shifts in mood that we experience. As a result, we are more prone to being frustrated while having less control over our responses. Time for ourselves consistently and uninterruptedly helps our overworked minds disengage and relax. When we do this, we release tension, which improves our quality of sleep, gives us greater control over our moods, boosts our patience level, and makes it easier for us to be present in the here and now. All these benefits help fill us up on the inside, and when we are at our most whole, we can better pour ourselves into the things most important to us, including the relationships in our lives. Time spent on “myself” is a magical reset button for us.

How to Plan ‘Me’ Time?

It is not only an additional commitment that we can cross off our list. Taking time for “me” is something that might help you feel recharged and restored. Simply deciding to utilise the time we already have in a somewhat more thoughtful manner is all that is required. There is no right way to spend one’s “me time” or schedule it, but some tricks can help any schedule feel more balanced.

First things first, get comfortable with the word “no.” It is in our nature to be social and to respond positively to almost every opportunity that presents itself; however, this often results in an overbooked schedule. When we have too many obligations, we cannot provide our full attention to the people or the activities we are currently participating in. Therefore, we are better able to reclaim the equilibrium in our lives that we need when we learn to say no.

To get a feel for the big picture, look at our calendar. A comprehensive view of our plan will assist us in determining when it is appropriate to decline an invitation. First, include every commitment you have for the month in each week’s section – work, extracurricular activities for the children, grocery shopping days, etc. Next, select and add in “blocks,” sometimes known as a minimum of two evenings during the week in which there are no plans after 6:00 p.m., in addition to one weekend day or night block. Then, you should make every effort to fit the “opportunities” that arise outside of these into your calendar while also being sure to politely decline anything that might interfere with the blocks of time you have selected. Last but not least, schedule some time for yourself within the predetermined intervals; whether it’s twenty minutes or three hours, you’ll be grateful for it afterward. If our schedule is always organized in this manner, there is a good chance that we will have a balanced plan throughout the entirety of the month.

Things to Keep in Mind

We should never make ourselves feel bad for prioritising “me” time and arranging it. On the contrary, taking good care of oneself helps us prepare for the later stages of life. Time spent on “myself” is not a frivolous way to kill time; instead, it is essential to our mental and physical well-being.

Taking time for oneself can be accomplished in various ways and take multiple periods. For instance, either we get up an extra twenty minutes before the rest of our household, or we decide to go out and have some fun. Either way, today is going to be an exciting day. So make sure you are selecting yourself regardless of what you decide to do!

Here is a short list of recommendations to help discover more time to self.

1. Read a few pages—or the entire book—at a nearby coffee shop, or get a coffee to go and read in a park under a shady tree.
2. Treat yourself to a manicure and pedicure. 
3. Put away your phone and other technology for a day.
4. Try out a brand-new painting or training, or workout class. 
5. Binge-watch anything on an OTT platform and unwind on your own
6. Restore a unique piece of furniture.
7. Relax. Just simple.
8. Take a stroll.

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