For a mom, quintessentially speaking… everyday is mother’s day. It’s the fact. I know it was last week we all had our celebrations, opened presents from our kids and received lots of wishes… Still I believe I have to write more about it. I thought hard about what I could write and here is my tribute to all mothers.

I recently came across a video on social media that shows a corporate boardroom panel where the Ad head ask for suggestions from the team to design an ad campaign for Mother’s Day. Predictably, most on the panel suggested depicting a mother multitasking (akin to Goddess Durga with nine hands). Though one lone team member said “why should mothers be perfect?”. Why should we be perfect! There is so much pressure on a mom who has to constantly watch her back to see if anyone is noticing her “imperfect” actions. So true, isn’t it? So instead, let us celebrate the imperfections and stop making our mothers a Goddess who needs to be perfect in everything! I was happy to finally see one media campaign doing this. I hope many more ad campaigns follow this one.

So, how many times have you heard from your mother or grandmother to do things perfectly and in order, especially when you get married and when you have children too? I have heard this line from my mom and other older moms too – “Wait till you become a mom someday”. I am sure even you would have and are hearing this line daily from your parents. I remember my repartee to my mom while growing up, saying “I will be different. You wait and watch” – and I practice this fervently each day as a mom myself now! 

Unquestionably, motherhood is a big challenge. There is no doubt that the human race is evolving but one person who is expected to be a constant is a mom. A mom is anticipated to remain perfect and is constantly judged. (I would call it a scanner) She is under peer and family pressure, and under society’s surveillance mostly all times, which does its best to keep a mom “in her place!”. No matter how hard she tries, either her kids will judge her or her parents or in-laws or even relatives. So, whenever I meet a mom, I always tell her to follow her heart and do what she feels is right because people will judge every fragment of her. 

Many think mothers have to be super-human and yet again the same term, ‘perfect’ at what they are doing. It puts so much pressure to be “perfect” and then walk on eggshells to ensure they don’t falter or slip. Standards of perfection are set high in our society which are difficult to reach. As a result, mothers easily slip into depression and constantly feel unsatisfied with their parenting. There is more to life than being a parent – it is to be your own self and add happiness to that! A majority still expect the mother to be “on time” in all her work (doesn’t matter if it leaves her unhappy and stressed all the time!), always want her to be prim and proper, expect her children to be disciplined, expect her to multitask all the time (courtesy ridiculous memes on social media). 

Here are some hard facts about some “PERFECT MOM” :

1. She is the last one to eat.No one ever asks her too.
2. Always the host and she always play the perfect host. 
3. Postpones her relaxing time. Self-care is her least priority. 
4. Defers her travel plans. Her plans gone with the wind...
5.  Works with a sore back, never a complaint. Self care makes her feel she is selfish.
6. Ensures her kids are doing well, from dawn to dusk...
7. Delays her health check-up for family members; neglects taking her medication on time. 
8. Always aims to be a perfect role model. For everyone around.
9. Guilt tripping and getting guilt tripped by own family, friends for “neglecting her duties” if she stepped out. 
10.Add gaslighting by family, friends or relatives and other folks around. Society is very capable of making her chained to it's whims and expectations.

Yes, the list can go on and on…The above list isn’t about moms on television and web series. It’s the real moms who are conditioned to be perfect and nothing else. Those who refuse to adhere to perfection are termed “rebels”. Some reel moms, influencers and unrealistic expectations from reel life are shown as perfect on social media and various platforms. Thankfully some real and celebrity moms are now busting the “perfect mother” myths through their realistic reels and videos showing it is okay to be messy. 

Check out the recipe followed since generations:

So, how did our mothers become this perfect? Well, society including families have moulded such moms over years. They became epitomes of perfection and spoke highly as if trophies would be awarded to them. 

The Perfection recipe: 

Guilt trip (add regular blackmail) 
+ 
comparing to another ideal/superior mom 
+ 
constantly drilling in “pointers to become a good mom” 
+ 
Gaslighting (occasionally praising her and then pulling her down through guilt) 
= 
Perfect moms

Time to break Generational codes

We are inching towards the 22nd century, and we are ridden with 9th or perhaps 10th century value systems. Each generation evolves, and each of these generational codes must chip off. We keep stressing the importance of respecting mothers but effectively, how many families RESPECT mothers? Respecting mothers may not always mean giving them a home, property rights or treating them to meals. True respect will only come if we allow them to think for themselves and, allow them to be human (to make mistakes) and appreciate their self-worth.

Appreciating her multitasking skills is not definitely respecting her. This is an old stereotype too. Almost every woman’s day or Mother’s Day, we all receive memes showing a Goddess with nine hands doing nine things. Without even making this a gender debate, let us think of how to reduce the hands she has to use. Ever heard of decentralizing governments? Well, just like decentralizing involves distribution of powers from the Centre to the States and eventually to the masses, similarly let us start distributing duties and responsibilities – physical, financial and emotional – among all family members. All this to be done minus guilt tripping the mother.

My Imperfection Recipe: 

Family time with inclusivity, not to exclude her 
+ 
Equal distribution of work among family members 
+ 
Postponing “chores” & taking breaks 
+ 
Banning negative words at home, gaslighting & guilt tripping 
+ 
Lots of laughter at home 
+ 
Respecting her choices & accepting her flaws
=
Imperfectly Perfect Moms

I can assure that we will witness a visible positive and satisfied change in all our mothers. Imagining this brought a smile to your faces, right? So now visualize and do this in real life as well. From now on, make every day Mother’s Day and stop making mothers “perfection divas”. Rather, let us let our moms to be real, crazy, goofy and imperfect with a zest for life. Chores and daily routines need not become our life! Let us ban the word “perfect” and be more “imperfectly perfect”. Take this message coming from one mom to another.

After all, “Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara.” (you get to live this life only once).

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Books are a different world altogether. For me, it has always meant an alternate universe, lots of colours, different creatures and humans. For children, it symbolizes wonder, curious energy and lots of wild imagination. My childhood was brimming with words, a splash of colours and lots of friends in it. Truly, books were and are my best friends, to date. 

I speak to a lot of parents on a daily basis. Most parents complain about their children’s lack of interest in reading and prefer the screen to it. Visuals seem more fun these days for kids since it is instant stimulation and no imagination. They can see all characters as it is. Books on the other hand fuel imagination. As a child, if you have read books (especially comics), you would only find limited drawings/sketches. 

Mostly only the main character will be shown in drawings and the rest of the characters left to the imagination of the child. For instance, an Akbar Birbal story book would have maybe three or four “Navratnas” (nine gems/valuable courtiers) in Akbar’s court. Everyone who has read these stories would inevitably remember Akbar and Birbal alone. But in this visual generation, children will remember all faces thanks to a wider screen for stories. As a result, imagination is slowly running dry. 

I resonate with this thought I read on a bookmark that was given to me with a book at a bookstore: “That’s the thing about books. They let you travel without moving your feet.”

There must be an optimum balance between books and screen time (lesser or least time for the latter). I can give several examples of books apart from the above mentioned. Indian mythological tales, Enid Blyton, Famous Five, Secret Seven, Nancy Drew and the new age children’s books like The Wimpy Kid’s Diary and many more, have fuelled imagination of generations.

10 Reasons Why

1. AGE, NO BAR
There is no specific age for introducing books to children. Children as young as six months can read books. At every age, books can be read in a different way. At six months, the baby may not process what he or she is reading. It will just be the pictures and colours in the book. They will browse picture books till they are two years and you can read out stories to them too. After they turn two, you can start reading out stories aloud to them. 

2. SETS A REGULAR BOOK ROUTINE 
Just like children have a routine from brushing teeth, bathing, meals, school etc, it is good to have a nap time routine for books (no e-books or any digital books, please) as well. 

3. INSPIRES ART 
Surprisingly, children start drawing and colouring also quite early. Books open a new avenue for imagination and freedom to experiment with colours and shapes. And where do you think they form images of these? Through books, of course! Ask any child who reads to draw, you will find them doodling stick figures at early stages and later human figures and animal figures by the time they are seven. Besides this, they learn to draw their emotions as well. 

4. GOOD FOR EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT (EQ)
Books help children in connecting with various characters – animals/humans/any object in stories. Pictorial graphics help the child imagine these characters and relate to particular personality traits as well. A good way of making them articulate their emotions easily is to help them learn story telling and encourage them to narrate their own stories. 

5. A STORY TELLER IS BORN! 
Story weaving is a popular technique used in preschools these days. A book of their choice is chosen by each group of children. There will be at least three to four groups like this. Based on the story, word(s) are assigned to each child and they have to build sentences as they sit in a circle. The last child in the circle will narrate the entire story using words used by all the kids. A wonderful method to enhance vocabulary too. Older kids can narrate their own stories to the class too.

6. “FRIENDS FOR LIFE”
Children can engage themselves reading books any time of the day. They can never get bored (as most kids complain these days) reading. On days children do not have friends to play with, or they go to a party where there are no kids, books are their best friends. Whether it is while travelling or those rainy days, books are the best buddies. Years later, children will have rich memories of books they read while growing up. The doodles done in them will remain forever!

7. INITIATES WRITING 
This is for older kids. Once the reading routine is set, children learn a lot of new words. They can start writing diaries. With an enhanced vocabulary, they even write their own stories, reviews of books in the diary. Essay writing will be a breeze thanks to the reading habit. They will remember quotes from various books they read.

8. BONDING WITH YOUR CHILD 
A book reading time minus all gadgets is the best for connecting with your child. Your child will not only feel important if you do this, he or she will use that time to narrate their favourite stories to you. Such moments are priceless!

9. ENHANCES BRAIN DEVELOPMENT 
Research has proven that reading enhances “language growth, emergent literacy and reading achievement”. In other words, cognitive skills can be tapped in the formative years (0-6 years) through reading. Oratorical skills, emotions and last but not the least, knowledge increases by leaps and bounds through reading.

10. LIFE SKILL & TONS OF MEMORIES 
Reading is a skill you learn, which remains till your last breath. Books you read help you in all walks of life! You will always remember books you read in your childhood till the end of your life. You can build memories with every page you read. I still have books with my doodles in them and even remember when I drew them.

Thanks to my love for books that was inculcated during my childhood, I have done the same for my son who is turning 8 this year. I began reading him books ever since he was 6 months old. Now he loves books and says they are his best friends! He doesn’t even mind re-reading books and narrating characters giving it his own twist.

Gift your child this best friend and you won’t ever regret it! Someone has rightly said “A book is a gift you can open again and again” just like good memories.

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Summer blues hitting you! Time for a quick getaway from the hot city. Enter: you zooming into the cool climes of a hill station, chilling beside a river bed, or going river rafting with friends and enjoying the rapids of the river. You may even visit a serene hill station, be in a resort – a pina colada in hand next to a beautiful swimming pool, a quiet, shady spot to sleep next to it. Another option is to tread the adventure path: pack your bags, go to the hill, trek to the deep forests and cool off in a treehouse with the birds and animals? All this sounds boring! Time to give a peppy twist to the hot, boring summers!

“Unexplored paths lead to undiscovered treasures” is so true! Post the pandemic, the aim of travel lust folks is more for fulfilment vis a vis the mundane sightseeing and selfies. Everyone seems to have reached a saturation point and wants to break free from the routine and regular work. The pandemic seems to have become a “predestined” way of changing the course of life. The quirky seems to be the preferred way of living life. “Do things differently” has become everyone’s mantra now – including travel ideas too!

Travelling has become a part of most people’s lifestyle. An escape from the boring routines and the madness! And most of you would be having a bucket list that normally starts at the beginning of the year. Penning them down, pinning it to our soft boards or sticky notes on our laptops – we have them all! The list is ready. But we are not. Such people are called virtual travellers who gaze lovingly at their computer screen wallpapers. Most likely, they would have researched where to go, where to stay, and explored possible hangout zones near their chosen spots too. I know the extremely meticulous travellers – right from their passports, documents, travel accessories to clothes – everything would be planned and kept ready a long time ago! 

Then there are the backpackers or impromptu travellers who just pick clothes, accessories, and everything needed for a trip and dump them all in a travel bag and just stride off the doors, choosing the quickest available transport. There is a third category – a blend of both. So which category of travellers do you belong to?

Get as quirky as you want when you plan your travels. Here’s what you can do to make your travel interesting! Discover the wanderlust in you!

Start a Travel Bucket List
So, what is a bucket list? A list of things you want to do. Having a bucket list in every walk of life helps! A travel bucket list can have the locations you want to visit and logistics for the same. So, a kind of a brain map for travel. Each time you spot an interesting place to visit, write the name of the place in a journal. You can even add “things-to-do” there too. Don’t wait for a very long list. Keep it short lest you only spend time planning (and end up in virtual travel). Have short term goals accordingly so you can start marking your calendars and plan leaves accordingly.

Ensure safe travel
Thanks to the pandemic and fear of acquiring the virus, people started restricting travel (also thanks to government guidelines). But gradually, various places have opened up. You can choose safe spots for travel. Do enough research on the location to find hygienic places to stay, local specialities and hangouts too. Make sure that the rooms are cleaned and sanitized thoroughly. Find safe food spots to sample local flavours instead of the regular restaurant food.

Do Vlogging
The latest travel lingo to be added to the vocabulary is V logging. Thanks to social media, people love to share travel stories with their friends on their social media handles. You can record your voice while shooting videos of interesting locales and upload it on a travel website/social media handle. These memories you make will  remain forever. Though it may be lost in the world wide web and for others, they will remain with us every time we watch them. As years pass by, we will need to look back, so make memories for yourself. 

Locales, off-beat
A quirky traveller will always choose destinations that are lesser known and off the “tourist” maps. You will get the feel of the local culture and place much better. With so many companies going hybrid, this seems to be a great time for travellers to step outside the four walls of the house and search for remote locations to work and have a vacation too! The locations can range from a simple jungle lodge, a beach shack, or even a homestay beside a river bank. There are many who love traditional houses and rural settings. There are many people who have started their own farms with animals, plants and growing their own foods. They even organize guided stays for the public. Almost every city, there are entrepreneurs who have opened up farm stays – a great place for children to discover the farm-to-plate food.

Travel, reset sleep cycles
The pandemic took a toll on most working folks. With the work-from-home routine, companies overloaded employees with work that was almost 24x7. As a result, insomnia set in with late night work routines. To reset sleep cycles, people started thinking of travelling and working simultaneously. Choosing a remote destination that has wi-fi as well as other good amenities – renting out service apartments, people sought a change in food and sleep routines too. Choosing to work at their pace is the solution most people have found to alter unhealthy lifestyles. 

Family time back!
Those with families started going on short vacations too since schools had gone hybrid as well. Travel also ensures spending quality time with the family, talking, playing games and eating meals together. This had been missing in the last decade. Family members and children seemed in parallel zones. The pandemic seems to have acted as a pause button on busy lifestyles. Search engine traffic became higher with people looking for shorter getaways with families as well as working remotely. In other words, it became akin to “targeting two birds with one stone”.

Finally, travel is also a way of going back to the roots. I have always discovered tiny facets of me that were undiscovered during my growing years. Each trip has been a joyous journey down the memory lanes. I still have old photographs of various travails and escapades with friends. The wanderlust in me is forever alive and keeps my creative juices flowing just like all of you will discover for yourselves once you begin travelling.

I love this quote: “I travel not to go anywhere but to go. I travel for travel’s sake! The great affair is to move”. So, cheers to new destinations, new journeys, and travails! Happy Holidays, folks!

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Birthdays are days when we stay up till midnight, wait for the clock to strike 12, cut the cake, and burst the confetti! Friends troop in, ringing the bell and screaming “Surpriseee”! No better way to kickstart the birthday. Isn’t it?

How many of you have gone through this? Being lifted by friends and swung in the air the same number of times as your age and an extra swing and crash on the floor for the next birthday? Those infamous birthday bumps are still memorable as much as our bums got sore after being dumped on the ground. Sweetest memories are those doing the same for all friends as well.

Quirky traditions are followed in different countries. Historically they say, it was the Egyptians who began the birthday celebration while crowning Pharaohs. Greeks believed in celebrating birthdays because it brought one closer to the spirits who were present at the time of our birth. Even the pagans believed in being close to the spirit world by celebrating the day of one’s birth.

Pop a bottle, Toast to new memories

Thanks to the pandemic, the last two years, all birthday plans were awash! Finally, people are coming out and celebrating again. Back then, it was hard sitting at home and having virtual celebrations with our best friend – the screen! Now no more excuses for not celebrating thanks to the vaccine.

As we age, many of us stop wanting to celebrate birthdays. We often whine about turning a year older and sulk too. Well, birthdays must be a time to feel good, pop up a champagne bottle, toast to a long life, and perhaps go on a roller coaster as well! Just don your best clothes, dress up, go shopping, climb a mountain…the possibilities are endless! 

Create memorable moments that you will cherish all your life so that people can write on your epitaph: XYZ had a rocking life! Life is to live in the moment.

I have seen people write countdowns on their social media profiles a month before the DAY. It gives a feeling of anticipation, butterflies in the tummy, excitement, and endless memories! Best friends will keep reminding you about “the day” and plan to demand treats from you. Families will plan surprises (some open too!). 

Some make bucket lists of what to do on their special day. Each one has its plans. Make yours, if you haven’t! 

1. Get yourself Ink-ed

Get a tattoo with inspirational words/art. It is fun when you are crossing a milestone.

2. Ramp show at home

Plan a house party with your gang. Dig up your wardrobe. Wear what you haven’t worn. Turn on the music and walk the ramp in style! Ask your friends to do the same. 

3. Take off on the adventure route 

If you are the outdoor type, go hitchhiking, scuba diving, bungee jumping, and more. Give it a shot if you believe in “Zindagi na Milegi Dobara” (life only happens once!).

4. Plan a fun trip with buddies

Choose an off-tourist spot (not off the maps, okay!) with friends. Nothing better than a little adventure!

5. Book a ticket for a music concert/play

This is if you know a lovely place for a live gig, go for it or an actual concert. Else treat yourself to a nice play in town. If you don’t have either option, create a mini-concert at home. Ramp up some speakers and play songs by your favourite artists and sing along at home with your friends.

6. Pamper yourself in a spa; get a makeover

Nothing better than getting a makeover – a good haircut/a new look altogether, and a good body massage. Treat yourself to a day there.  

7. Go clubbing

Friends, good food, spirits, and your favourite club – all you need for a good birthday nite!

8. Retail therapy; gift yourself something nice

Spend some time with yourself, shop for an exciting birthday outfit, and get yourself a good perfume/accessories. Tadaaa…you are ready!

9. Theme birthday & dance party

Some of you may want some novelty. Choose a crazy theme and dress code for the party. Invite friends and dance away!

10. Yes, Blow the candle

Ask for the craziest wish, make the weirdest toast, and pole vault and dance (literally!) into a new milestone!

So, what are you waiting for? As they say – Smile as long as you have teeth, Celebrate until your last breath! It’s your birthday. So crash and wham-bam into a new year!

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Books have their charm. The print is something that will always remain with you until death. No wonder books are called a man’s best friend. Books influence thoughts, ideas and they can shape your entire life. 

Each book that I have read, holds a special place in my heart! Ask any bibliophile (a name given to book lovers) if a book altered his or her life. The answer will always be in the affirmative because a true book lover not only reads a book for pleasure but also imbibes the values of the book and applies it in real life – probably follows the book’s lead character for life. 

Simple storybooks have the power to inspire you to do anything – traveling, choosing a career or job, learning an art form, mastering life skills, and much more. Kudos to the storytellers who have inspired us to do something different, take unconventional paths.

Freedom movements across the globe have been inspired by books and literature written by passionate authors. Causes have been fought for and various important missions implemented thanks to the print. One of the most famous quotes says, “The pen is mightier than the sword”. Indeed, words are quite powerful in influencing minds. The list of book genres that have inspired the human race is endless.

Historically Speaking…

One of the earliest books that came into existence is the “The Epic of Gilgamesh”. It was a poem written on a stone tablet during the Mesopotamian era. Later, the Romans and Greeks invented wax tablets (wood layered with wax). In the 600 A.D., parchments came to the fore. The word parchment originated from the ancient Greek city called Pergamum. 

Parchments were nothing but processed skins of the calves of sheep and goats that were used to write. People wrote on parchments to deliver messages to people or royal announcements. Later, the printed hardcover and softcover counterparts came into being in the 19th century. Hardcover books were generally published for the elite and softcover books were for the lower classes. There came to be a class distinction in terms of books published at the time. Publishing houses came into existence. The rest as they say is history!

Inspiring the UN-inspired

I simply loved this quote. It sums up human beings’ earliest love for books: “Old books exert a strange fascination for me — their smell, their feel, their history; wondering who might have owned them, how they lived, what they felt.”

I so resonate with this because I still love taking my old books and smelling them, turning pages, and smelling them. Now, of course, thanks to digital distractions, the moments spent with my beloved books have shortened. There was hardly any book that did not inspire me to start a new adventure! I am sure most of you would reminisce about the books they read in your childhood. Authors possessed the magic of interweaving words in such a way you will remain engaged. Binge reading vis-a-vis a movie or series binge was more of the trend then. Nights would be spent hooked to that novel you were forbidden to read in the day! Each character of the book came alive at night. Fictional conversations with them in their cities were a timeline transfer and double treat! 

Back then, books were also suggested to those who needed a direction to begin something new. Books of philosophers were suggested to reignite tired minds. Now e-books, TEDx talks, and podcasts have taken over. Even then, a true-blue bibliophile like me will not let the beloved print be replaced with its digital version. 

The “Un-inspired” can still browse through the non-fiction section of book shops. Non-fiction has myriad genres. Coined the self-help section, it is still the busiest and most sought-after section in all bookshops for years. It includes myriad topics from love, sex, gardening, pets, career, biographies, money, spirituality, astrology, public speaking, and more. You name the topic and you are sure to find it.

At the end of this blog, readers are requested to list your favourite book/books that turned your life and let me know why, how... 

Here are the Top 10 Books that inspired me

1. To Kill a Mocking Bird – Harper Lee
A growing-up tale of a young girl’s angst amidst racial conflicts and rape.

2. The Diary of a Young Girl – Anne Frank
The life of a 13-year-old girl takes a wrench as Hitler begins mass extermination of Jews. Her writings in a diary reflect her vulnerabilities, fears, her first love, and hopes for a better future which she penned in her secret attic.

3. The God of Small Things – Arundhati Roy
The life of two fraternal twins and their scarred childhoods amidst caste conflicts, misogyny, betrayals, and so-called love laws in 1960s Kerala. 

4. The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
Written by an Afghan-American author, it is the tale of a young Afghan boy who grapples with conflicts in Afghanistan that are undergoing a transition from monarchy to democracy.

5. Messages from the Masters – Dr Brian Weiss
A beautiful book where Dr Weiss helps you learn about the power of love in the universe and how to tap it.

6. The Forty Rules of Love – Elif Shafak
A Turkish author who traces the story of a Jewish author’s journey into the life of Rumi and his lover Shams, and love in spiritual form. 

7. Persian Mirrors – The Elusive Face of Iran - Elaine Sciolino 
The author’s journey as a woman reporter in Iran, covers three decades of political reign, conflicts in leadership, and the life of women behind the iron veils.

8. Burned Alive – Souad
The real story of a woman who survives a failed honour killing and beats all odds to survive and narrates her own story.

9. Martina – George Vecsey (autobiography of tennis star Martina Navratilova)
The story of a super inspiring sports legend and tennis star of her time who still shines bright. Her name still brings a smile to our faces.

10. Darlingji – Kishwar Desai (Love story of Sunil Dutt and Nargis)
A tale of two legends – their reel and real-life love story, struggles, and journey together as soulmates.

Happy Reading!!

Comment below the books that turned your life around. Tell me all bout it…

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