We are conditioned to crave the act of falling in love rather than the act of keeping it, so when we are in a long-term relationship, it is inevitable that the “spark” will die out. How many romantic comedies do you know that begin after the wedding and follow the characters as they go about their ordinary, everyday lives?
But the “spark” isn’t nearly as necessary as people make it out to be. There is something inherently reassuring about being with someone who makes you feel peaceful rather than having butterflies. Likewise, there is something much more enjoyable about gorging yourself on the couch and binge-watching true crime shows rather than going on fancy first-date dinners. A little spark prevents a lifelong connection from turning into a friendship. Below are a few simple things you can do to keep the spark alive in your relationship.
1. Try something new
Relationships become boring when habits and rituals become standard. Try something fresh to change your perspective on your partner and your relationship. Nothing “new,” no matter how small, will make you feel like you did when falling in love with your partner and experiencing everything together for the first time. Examples include:
- Planning a trip to a destination you have yet to visit.
- Playing a card game when you’re more of a “Scrabble” couple.
- Trying something new in bed.
- Even ordering takeout that’s different from your usual go-to.
2. Exercise together
You regularly practice yoga while your partner lifts weights on Saturday mornings, or you may attend an online Pilates session on Sunday afternoons. While spending time alone is crucial, working out is a terrific opportunity to explore your tastes. However, occasionally working out with a partner can be a great way to maintain the spark. Exercise releases endorphins, which may help you strengthen your emotional connection and feel more in touch. It also encourages friendly rivalry.
3. Fulfill one action you wish your partner to take
It would help if you created what you want in relationships and most other aspects of life rather than waiting for them to occur or for your spouse to put in the effort. Be more romantic if you want your partner to reciprocate. In the end, you genuinely desire a more passionate connection, and guess what? You have the power to bring that about. It will become a habit for them to do the same for you if you bring flowers home or compliment your partner. Give your spouse your attention and ask high-value follow-up questions to help them feel heard if you want them to be better listeners.
4. “Love” in your partner’s language of affection
You’ve probably heard about love languages enough by this point to write a book about them. But how frequently do you use it with your partner? For example, take care of a duty that your partner despises, like doing laundry or taking out the garbage, without being asked if their love language is an act of service. Write a love letter if they are more of a “words of affirmation” person. Plan a special evening with them if they place a high value on quality time. Bring them flowers from the grocery store if they prefer receiving gifts, or make an extra effort to be touchy-feely if they prefer physical contact. Make a concerted effort to think of and carry out ways to show your spouse that you care, even if it forces you out of your comfort zone, and watch the spark fly.
5. Deepen your communication
When was the last time you engaged in a thorough discussion? The ability to communicate is essential to maintaining the spark. Still, with all the 24/7 closeness, you can find that you are conversing less because you don’t even have the usual conversation openers like “how was your day?” because you are present. Asking questions like “How are you truly feeling?” or “What can I do tomorrow to make our relationship stronger?” at dinner or a relaxed, happy hour on the couch. Additionally, think of questions with a lot of mileage that may appear corny but will result in a genuine relationship.
6. Make an effort
Of course, your partner still loves you whether you’re dressed up or down, but making an additional effort will make them feel unique and valued, and it will also put you in the mood for a little more spark. If all else seems like too much labour for a night in, put on a nice outfit, blow dry your hair, or even spritz some expensive perfume. Not only will it make your lover happy, but it will also—and maybe more crucially—give you additional confidence.
Offer to do something your partner loves but you don’t like: Going out for takeout from a Chinese restaurant when you prefer Japanese or suggesting a movie you know your partner will enjoy but find boring will go a long way. But, on the other hand, what’s a single evening of your significant other scarfing down noodles despite your dislike for them or making them laugh?
In relationships, compromise is necessary, but what is the secret to maintaining chemistry? Allowing your spouse to “win” without making any concessions. In other words, they choose their preferred options only to make them happy. So, rather than always making compromises, always give your loved one what they want. Putting your partner first will improve your relationship more in the long run than a dull movie or lousy meal.
“Saral hu Saadharn nhi” (Simplicity is not Ordinary). This phrase encapsulates her entire existence. A woman of few words, a daydreamer, who is certain that there is life beyond stars. An HR professional who began her writing journey when corona knocked on our doors. A Content Writer, Screenplay Writer, and published Author. She is die-hard romantic and that reflects in her quotes, poems and short stories and currently working on her first book. She enjoys cooking, dancing, singing, travelling, and is a huge Bollywood enthusiast. She is a wife, a mother and a friend you can most certainly rely on.
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