In Love Perfectly Imperfect

When Valentine’s month is around the corner, every year, the “perfect love” quotes suddenly get more Google hits and clicks. Quotes go viral on all texting platforms. Online portals’ sales go up a month ahead so that the “perfect gift” reaches the respective Valentines. “So, what did u gift your Valentine?” is the chosen question by all people around you. What are you doing for your loved one? All of a sudden, FB and Twitter start brimming with posts and quotes on definitions of perfect love. 

Over a period of time, decades and various eras, the definitions of love have changed a lot. Bollywood, Hollywood and the entire celluloid defined “perfect” love for us. Archies and Hallmark added a dash of love with sprinkles of specially customized printed cards and e-cards. Now, lovey-dovey messages, quotes and memes on social media platforms declaring their love for a special someone are the new trend.

Perfect love has been defined as an “everlasting sans blemishes” love – those perfect love confessions, perfect proposals, perfect weddings et al. But, have you ever thought how skewed perfect love can be? For instance, what is perfect for you may not be for your partner or someone else. And we often look for that “perfect” partner with “perfect” traits and subsequently a “perfect” life too with “perfect” kids too. 

Social Conditioning et al

Years of conditioning have made our own forefathers and generations of parents to make everything look perfect for us. During our growing years, we have seen these “perfect” relationships. Hence the idea of a perfect partner got seeded at a young age too. In the old era, flaws in a person were looked down upon as the ultimate blemish and seen as reasons for a relationship to fail. Couples were meant to be perfect in every way. Of course, the measures of perfection were how well one performed our respective gender roles – pre-set functions expected out of us in society, abilities and social knack to live a certain lifestyle, education, job and even parenting. Perfections are never ending.

So why not change this? Break some traditional codes in relationships. Change definitions of love or rather enjoy imperfections in your partner. How about finding a special one who is not-so-perfect, yet someone who embraces us with our own flaws? I would say someone who is as crazy as you and someone to handle your craziness and vice versa. The one who is unafraid of loving oneself and others around minus judgements.

What I suggest may appear a dreamy prospect for some, a utopia for many and even something impossible! Believe me, it isn’t! Just change the frames of your specs and the colour of your glasses – you are all set! So, take the imperfect route.

Priya's recipe for an "Im-perfect” Love Story

1. Its Okay not to be Okay

The best feeling is to accept that things are not okay in your relationship. It is perfectly fine to talk to each other about it. There are lesser conflicts once we know that things are not fine at either end. You should be able to make your relationship so strong that you can express yourself without feeling scared of your partner’s reactions. It goes both ways!

2. No-Rules relationship

Make a thumb rule not to make any rules. Bonds grow stronger when there aren’t any terms & conditions or rules binding each other. Go with the flow, give each other space to grow in the relationship. 

3. Walk the Unconventional path 

Walking the traditional path hasn’t done any good for relationships. So reverse relationship goals. Change your couple goals – ones which will complement each other, fill in each other’s shoes rather than compete with each other. No one has to be better than the other or try hard to attain goals to be perfect in the relationship.

4. You can be Parallel Lines – Let’s agree to disagree

The moment an argument starts or a discussion where one disagrees, the first thing that happens is to slam the doors, windows, throw things and what not – even go into silent mode (torture mode). Instead choose the peace method – I agree to disagree with you. It is perfectly fine not to be in sync with each other’s opinions lest we become programmed “yes” robots.

5. Make different traditions 

Go against conventions and create your own traditions. If you have couple goals, make sure you change them from time to time. The moment you feel things are going in the same monotonous pace, break the codes and change the rhythms.

Little rituals like impromptu dates over coffee, drinks or simply a movie will keep the relationship afresh! Perhaps plan a travel and go backpacking. Just take baby steps instead of thinking of milestones to take off pressure on performing better in a relationship. After all, we don’t want a performance appraisal at home. 

6. Be what you are!

Don’t attempt to change yourself and don’t expect your partner to do the same too. When you are in a relationship, it is natural to show your best side. It is extremely instinctive to change your traits to suit your partner or for peace and harmony in your relationship. This will keep you genuine and honest. It is okay to be the way you are but accept your partner with his/her flaws as well and be honest to each other about it. Stretching oneself to have a perfect relationship will only make it more flawed! 

7. Listen to your heart, go by instincts

There is a quote I read somewhere – “Music is the beatbox of the heart”. The same way instincts are the beatbox of every relationship. For couples to remain honest and organic to each other, they must go by instincts and gut feelings to be more responsive and empathetic to their partners. It will help keep the relationship grounded. You will instinctively know when your partner is low, wants to resolve a conflict/perhaps just change the rhythm. Just sit down and talk. If nothing works, pen it down in a diary and talk about it with your partner too. Expressing how you sense your partner’s discomfort and happiness from time-to-time, will make you walk a longer path with your partner. This has to be mutual, though!

8. Keep communication channels open

Open yourself to conversations – short, long, deep or even surface level – with your partner. This will help both of you develop more respect for each other. Love only grows when you share. The more you share your emotions, thoughts and your soul with your partner, the more the paths to each other’s hearts will be smooth. There maybe nothing to talk at times – even sitting next to each other in silence speaks a lot! Staccato conversations amidst silence also brings two people closer.

9. Touch, hug and kiss 

Words have magic to stir you but a touch has the power to stir a million nerves and the cords of the heart! Physical proximity will help you develop stronger bonds. Touch boosts instincts and empathy between people. So, touch, hug and kiss, probably give a peck on the cheek too! Another added bonus: a healthier life.

10. Treasure every li’l moment

Photographs, diaries, mementos, gifts and moments…cherish all of them! Memories are the best gift in any relationship and they last the longest. People may lose their wealth, assets and materials but memories are something that will remain forever – even after you die. The moments you create with your partner will remain with you till you grow old and beyond. Bonds get stronger when u revisit each memory from time to time. It reminds you of the good moments as well as the not-so-good ones too. But each moment matters. Do not lose any moment – capture them and cherish them forever!

So, my first question to all of you: what is your idea of perfect love and a perfect relationship? Think carefully and you may post it in the comments section of my blog here.

Follow Priya Rajendran 
The Word Route

3 thoughts on “In Love Perfectly Imperfect

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