Postpartum Depression
It Occurs in Men Too!

Postpartum depression is a term often regarded for women who have recently encountered pregnancy and childbirth. It is an episode of sudden outbursts of emotions and major depressive disorder soon after the birth of a child. It is most often reported in mothers: however, it happens in fathers too! So maybe here we should give a little more credit to the phrase – “Men have feelings too.”

One out of every ten fathers goes through postpartum depression. This change in their mood, body, and mind can be noticed before the child’s birth! If we see closely, about half of all expectant dads gain up to 30 pounds on average during their partners’ pregnancies. And that isn’t all. A dad-to-be can expect to be slammed by at least one pregnancy symptom, like nausea, fatigue, food cravings, odor aversions, mood swings, sleep problems, or bouts of bloat. The agitation of how things are going to be, the change in lifestyle, the responsibility of being a new father, watching “the wife” go through the process of pregnancy, the pressure to be there for everyone – the new mom, the newborn, family, society, etc., has a lot of impact in the mind of a new dad.

Thinking about everything around them during and after a child’s birth makes it normal for men to lose their minds, too, like women! However, PPD in men is different from that in women. They show symptoms like irritability, mood swings, change in sleep and appetite, fatigue, etc. However, they may not express it outwardly by crying as women do. Postpartum depression in men can result from financial stress, relationship issues, recent trauma or loss, unplanned pregnancy, not knowing how to help, and watching things they have never witnessed the women in their lives go through.

Sadly, people often forget that with the birth of a child, new parents are born too. It is not only the birthday of the baby; it is also the birthday of the parents! It is the transformation of two individuals, too – they have been transforming from the day they learned about the pregnancy! It is not as easy as the rom-com movies show us – real life is all about smiles, tears, anger, agitation, confusion, dilemma, change, laughter, milestones (for the parents, too), groundbreaking parameters that keep in check what each person including the new baby needs! Welcoming a newborn baby is not only about baby photoshoots and people all smiling and giggling. It is more about dirty diapers, loud crying, sleepless nights, feeding, trying to find sleep, getting irritated with the simplest of things, giving into food cravings, not having any interest in things you once found enjoyable, getting advice from all over the world, finding peace and most importantly, finding oneself and finding the depth and strength of the marriage and partnership! Therefore, the whole thing is about the baby and the new mom and dad! It is about how they are coping with the situation – together, hand-in-hand, lovingly, and with so much love and reassurance that they will do it in peace and calm no matter what.

It is, therefore, imperative to make the men feel validated and relevant in a newborn’s life! Most Indian homes do not include the fathers in doing the baby chores, which makes them ignorant about how things work! Allowing them to contribute to the baby’s duties can make a massive difference in helping them understand and cope with what is going on and also gives them an idea of what the woman is going through, making them more considerate of the situation – allowing themselves to deal with their own insecurities and strange feelings. Only when they see and feel the struggle will they be part of it and try to set things right in the best way possible. Inclusiveness is a great way to fight postpartum depression in men and women. Couples who understand and are there for each other end up coming out of the depression faster and more robustly. Children who grow up with teams who understand and acknowledge each other’s flaws and strengths become mindful adults. It is, therefore, important for everyone to be involved with one another and burn through the struggles of raising a family unit together! Postpartum depression is natural – it is as accurate as pregnancy in women and equally relevant in men. Let us, together as a generation, break stereotypes of gender roles and gender equations. Let us not tag the weaker sex with how they deal with their emotions. Let us understand and accept that men can and will feel emotions, men can and will cry, men can and will empathize, men can and must contribute, and men can and will have depression and anxiety. It does not make them less of a man, but it makes them more human and just how men are supposed to be – considerate and compassionate. Let us create a generation of strong, rooted, loving, and thoughtful men.

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