Conquering the Impossible

A candid discussion about the most rooted fear and how to deal with it.

K. Syamala

Blaming others for the trashy life does nothing good. As a child, I was very passionate about riding bicycles and I hoped to ride it too. To my school. However, I couldn't do it. The desire itself was nipped in the bud. I scare my parents, the societal taboo. Later I was punished and judged for having feelings, desires which didn't revolve around others. From childhood, I have been taught that everyone else should be my priority. You're doing something that no one in your family has done before, and are not accepted.  

That didn't stop me from wishing to do things my way. Self-help, self-reliance, and self-love are my power tools. It may sound silly and mean to others. I conquer my world of little happiness by putting my soul into it, gaining momentum. I understood no one would come and help me willingly. I know I am not an alien creature who is born perfect. 
Priya Rajendran

My most innate fear was and is losing my son to my ex-husband (separated). This fear started right after my son’s birth when my ex-husband started gaslighting me saying that I am not capable of looking after my son. Each time he disagreed with me (before slamming doors and walking out for days together), he would repeat this statement, ‘kids need their mothers only until the age of 7 years. After that, the child doesn’t need her.’ He would narrate incidents of his colleagues’ divorce cases where children were separated from their mothers. Multiple incidents happened when he used that fear to make me do things. For instance, if I became late in packing for an overnight trip to his native, he would say he is taking my son away at daybreak when I was sleeping. He would add he did not care if I packed my bags or not. His statement haunted me even after I walked out of my marriage. His silence during our separation period killed me further. In my head that fear overshadowed me, making me feel stuck! Each time I woke up with a tremor and cold sweat – always checking if my son was sleeping next to me. My fears spiralled into thoughts, ‘what if my son would choose his father over me? What if my ex forcibly took him away from me?’ 

Now I have overcome that fear after I made myself emotionally stronger. I underwent hypnotherapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. My close friends became my pillar of strength and slowly I lost that fear by talking to them. I will not deny that the fear is completely gone. It does rear its ugly head occasionally at my lowest points, but I do a lot of self-talk and listen to a lot of music. I started writing again too. It helped me to a large extent in coping with these thoughts. They say time is the best healer and helps reduce the intensity of the fears (not remove completely) and make scars fade (not eliminate them). My renewed self-confidence has made me stronger and helped me cope with my fears now. So, even if this thought appears randomly, I have the confidence to shake it off. 

Stella Thomas

Of the many things, I am seriously scared of failures. As a girl child, you are taught and told, or rather that you have to be certified, perfect in everyone’s eyes. No other perception is allowed or accepted. Right from your looks, dressing, grades, social appearance, your ability to run a house, your control over emotions, your tonality, and the list goes on and on. In the journey of acquiring this certificate, I have realised I was so scared of failing. Then came a point where everything started floundering in life. They say your growth doesn't happen when you are meditating on a yoga mat, it happens amid conflict, or when you are angry or scared, and or when you are thrown off balance. You hit rock bottom and you give yourself a push with all your might. You find to catch your breath. That's your growth. 

It has not been an easy journey to how I discovered to manage my fear. It took me years of unlearning and relearning to stand back with my head held high. Self-motivation, affirmations, me time, self-care, and on and on goes the rituals. Forgive yourself and know that healing is an everyday process. Yet grateful for all the very many lessons I had in my life because they helped me to know myself better. 
Lakshmi Dinamoni

I am scared to Feel. Don't take me to be Lady Stoneheart. I can laugh out loud when I am with friends, have heated debates with friends & strangers, or burst into tears during my daily commute. I am not talking about momentary reactions to a situation. But genuinely feeling all those myriad of emotions in their genuine sense. I have taken years to train myself to protect myself from heartaches & rehabilitation. How did I do that? By teaching myself not to feel anything. 

I have successfully reached a stage where the only emotions that I know are - Hunger & Tiredness. Every other emotion is just 'Meh!'. When I sat down to write this article, I realised that I have been translating all emotions into two - Hunger & Tiredness. Feeling low? Let us have French Fries! 
Feeling happy? Let us order some desserts. 
Want to break free? Let us have a drink. 
Even when Kiddo expresses her affection, I find it extremely difficult to reciprocate. Thankfully for me, Kiddo has grown to understand that I cannot express my emotions like any normal being. Maybe with Kiddo's help (and my therapist's), I will relearn how to feel.

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