I call them the “Why” generation (yes, I call my son Mater Why)! The ultra-curious of all generations and eras, the current pre-teens – the Alpha generation has out-of-the-world questions. They are little explorers exploring the world around them. Curiosity is forever piqued, and their sense of justice, too. What is right/wrong for them must be the same for everyone else. 

Pre-teens, or Tweens as they are dubbed, are between 9-12 years old. It is the best age for developing values, priorities, and the role of loved ones in their life. The last one – roles – for them, Mother, Father, grandmother, grandfather, uncle, and aunt have all been assigned specific roles by pre-teens. They begin recognizing the position each adult has in their life. Parents may not have as primary importance as they had as young ones, as now it is probably their cousins or aunts and uncles who are more critical.

They undergo significant physical, emotional, and cognitive changes while preparing for challenges and developments in their teenage years. While some experience growth spurts and body changes due to puberty, some develop an increased feeling of independence and autonomy. Emotionally, they might become more self-aware and develop a stronger sense of identity. They might become more sensitive to emotions and hence their emotional storms. They will cool down as fast as they get angry.  

If you are an Alpha generation parent, I am sure that you have or are fielding these questions:

“Why do I have to go to school?”

“Can I have a pet?”

“When can I get a phone?”

“Why do I have to do chores?”

“Can I have a sleepover at a friend’s house?”

“Why do people fall in love?”

“What is puberty?”

“Can I start wearing makeup?”

“Why do we have to eat vegetables?”

“When can I start making my own decisions?”

“What’s the difference between being popular and having real friends?”

“Why can’t I watch that movie/play that game?”

“How do babies come into the world?”

“Why do people have different skin colours?”

“What’s the point of saving money?”

“When can I start dating?”

“Why do people get divorced?”

“Why do I have to respect adults if they don’t respect me?”

“What’s the meaning of life?”

“Can I choose my career when I grow up?” 

The “Butterfly” stage

Just like the transition from a butterfly to a caterpillar is beautiful. Similarly, the transition from a child to a pre-teen is impressive to watch, too! It is magical how these children grow and evolve from being dependent (physically) on you to the “I am independent, and I can do everything on my own” phase. Let them be and allow them to do what they want, and they will bloom!

“Pre-teens are the melodies of tomorrow, each note representing a discovery and a step forward.”

But sadly, most parents find this the most annoying and challenging phase, too. This is a stage of “No” and “My way or the highway,” too. Using force and pressure will only widen the gap between you and them. Authority does not work with this generation – only reasoning and logic work. They are at that stage where they are still children, yet they want to experience being an adult. 

I have a pre-teen and trust me, it is a tightrope walk, but it is not that bad! 

Tips to help pre-teen parents navigate effectively

1. KISS them

KISS is Keep it simple and short. Long lectures will only drive them miles away from you. Make sure you use simple words/phrases/statements to get a message across. 

2. Open communication

Maintain open and honest communication with pre-teens. Create surroundings where they feel relaxed discussing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns with you. You must be their safe space as parents.

3. Active listening 

Pay attention when they talk to you – eye contact is essential, and avoid gadgets during the conversation. This shows that you value their opinions and helps you understand their perspective.

4. Respect independence & space 

Pre-teens are starting to develop a sense of independence. Allow them to make age-appropriate decisions. Please give them a sense of responsibility in all their choices while being there to guide them.

5. Set clear boundaries 

Setting clear rules and expectations helps set structure and consistency that makes them feel secure. In addition, make sure they are aware of the consequences of their actions.

6. Show empathy

Understand that pre-teens are dealing with their challenges. Show empathy and offer support when they encounter difficulties.

7. Encourage decision making 

Help pre-teens develop decision-making skills by involving them in discussions about choices and their potential outcomes.

8. Respect privacy

As they start to develop a stronger sense of self, respect their need for privacy. Balance this with your role as a guardian to ensure their safety.

9. Positive reinforcement 

Recognize and praise their accomplishments and efforts. Positive reinforcement can boost their self-esteem and motivation.

10. Walking the “role model” ramp

Demonstrate the values and behaviors you want them to adopt by practicing yourself. Pre-teens often learn by observing the adults around them.

11. Open chats about age-related changes 

Pre-teens are going through puberty. They are encountering physical and emotional shifts. Provide age-appropriate facts about these changes so that they can comprehend what is happening to their bodies.

12. Encourage hobbies & interests

Support their interests and encourage them to explore new activities. This helps them build skills, discover passions, and develop a sense of identity.

13. Teach problem-solving 

Helping and guiding them to solve problems and handle conflicts constructively will go a long way. This will empower them to navigate challenges independently.

14. Limit screen time 

While technology has benefits, monitoring and limiting their screen time is an excellent way to ensure a healthy balance with other activities. 

15. Quality time

Engaging in activities they enjoy is equivalent to spending better time with them, which can foster a stronger bond between you.

16. Be patient 

Pre-teens may be extraordinarily moody or exhibit erratic behavior due to hormonal changes. Stay patient and understanding even during challenging moments.

17. Support social relationships 

Pre-teens are developing social skills and friendships. Encourage healthy companies and guide them in resolving conflicts.

18. Encourage responsibility

Give them age-appropriate responsibilities at home. This fosters a sense of accomplishment and contributes to their development.

The above points are not written in stone necessarily, so keep it fluid and go with the flow! Remember that every pre-teen is unique, so tailor your approach to their personality and needs. By fostering a healthy, supportive, and communicative relationship, you can help them navigate this beautiful phase successfully. 

This quote truly sums up pre-teens:

“Pre-teens are the melodies of tomorrow, each note representing a discovery and a step forward.”

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