Celebrating A Life

When I'm feeling so alone
I think of you up in heaven
Your smile and love are so warm
I can feel it from miles away

My heart is so heavy
I miss you more each day
But in my dream, you come to me
And wipe my tears away

No one can replace you
Your memory will remain
For you were a mother so special
So loving and so kind

Though time takes you further away
Your love will never part
I will keep you close forever
In my soul and my heart

I miss you, ma, 
We miss you, 
We all miss you terribly.

Life after a parent passes away

It is never easy; the pain will not vanish. It will only become bearable with time. This is yours to carry to the day you pass on.” Wise words from a dear cousin.

Different cultures and races practice or show grief in many ways. Some forgo eating certain foods. Some hold rituals for a specific number of days or at specific intervals from the passing of the love. Some build shrines, and others live with the dead.

To mourn our loved ones is the cross we must bear. Or should it be as such? I, for one, believe that we should mourn them and celebrate them. Build fun memories of the person and remember them, as well as cherish them.

So what are some of the things we learned along the way? And believe me, and we are just getting started. Some of you may be way ahead of us on this learning journey. A few do’s and maybe some don’ts.

The do’s while coping with the loss

1. Mourn their passing. 

  • Let it out; scream if you must. It is, after all, a painful process. The mind cannot perceive this. Release it, so your frame does not have to carry this burden and weigh down your soul.

2. Have someone you can count on to stand by you at any time. 

  • No negative Nancies or weepy Williams is needed at this time. You got enough to handle as it is without their comments.

3. Gather the tribe, and bring out the drums. 

  • The time has come to celebrate rather than dig a hole and hide since the passing. So dance like anything, sing, and build good memories. The mind is a fantastic ally when it comes to coping.

The Don’t do’s

1. Do not listen to those who say, “no matter how much you cry, they are not coming back.” 

  •  Remember, you can mourn as long as you need to. And you only stop when you are done.

2. Do not isolate yourself while mourning. 

  • Have a gang or tribe around you. It helps. Enlist a trusted person to be your support at this time. Remember, those who stand with you in times like this are genuinely lovely human beings.

3. Like all things, it will diminish but never vanish. 

  • No matter who has passed, their passing is painful to those left behind. It is not fair, but you do not need that negativity from those who are not you.

It will take its own time, trust the process and do not, not even for a moment, forget the massive impact your parent had in your life. I will never forget my mom. She made me who I am today! Forever and for always, grateful I will be.

Ignatius Deepak Stanley is an experienced business coach, trainer, educational consultant and full time dad. He has worked with several well known corporates before deciding to take time out and be a full time dad to his 3 year old son. Beside being a consultant, he has written and published books. Deepak enjoys riding and driving, reading, writing and travelling.

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