Author: sainather

Friends And Friendship

/ sainather / 3 Comments

A candid essay about friendship.

It's a new week and what can I do to make your day special? How about we talk a bit about friends and friendship. What does friendship mean to me? 

Friends are the family we choose, the beat to our hearts, the reason we laugh a lot, cry a little less, and smile a lot more.  And I believe friends bring more happiness into our lives than anything else in our days. Friendships are most successful if the expectations are natural and no ulterior purposes are set. When there is a motive behind it, normally we all have experiences of it failing and crashing too soon and creating heartburns and agony. For me, my good friends, ease my stress, give support and delight, prevent loneliness and seclusion.

I can warmly say I have made quite a lot of patrons over the years. I have had the opportunity to come across many individuals from school to college. And also to meet people through family, work, and other associates and acquaintances. And I am blessed in many ways because I am connected and in 'connect' with many and I call them all my friends. 

I will have to turn the clock back and take you back to those good old days. In those non-community living days, I had two sets of friends, one at school and one near home. This happened only because of the distance between school and home.  Remember that time, when you walk into a new class, you look for the space to park yourself for the rest of the year, and then there are those few who would look at you with wonder, and then offer the seat next to them and there you forge a pact, there begins the friendship forever.  We start looking for an affinity to connect and a few questions at home also trigger our thoughts, 'Who is your friend?, 'Where do they live?', 'Do they have siblings?'  and also important was 'What are their grades?' These questions had to have an answer to please our parents. Remember those days.
The best times of school were during recess and lunch break.  Sharing food, exchanging comic books, talking about the teacher who was super strict, movies, sports, and more.  It brought in wonderful learning of self-confidence, the ability to connect with all, and converse.  Friendship is different for all of us. There were few groups during those days, the studious in one group, studies plus sports mixed group, the sporting stars group, only fun group, and let's not forget the hooligans of our days, they made life scary and fun at those times. They were all and it was memorable. The bench friends are the closest as we move from every class till 10th grade and it's evergreen with love and warmth. The separation of school friends started after 10th and some went on to do diplomas, various streams of studies, different schools. I wish the internet was there those days to stay connected. So many of us lost connection because of the distance, accessibility, and change in each of our life's routes.

As one moves with age, oh! remember those peaks of teen years into the college space, it’s a new world. A clear feeling of an adult entering college than just being a kid. The atmosphere is vibrant and exciting and the friends one makes here are for a lifetime (in most cases). The affinity, liking gets aligned. Career planning conversations were remarkably interesting, as some of us planned to take up higher studies and few of us got into the workforce soon. Circumstances and life choices, situations, and visions made us all who we are today. 
Sport is and has always been an integral part of my life. Another big space for a new friendship to be forged, for people to develop a good connection is while playing sports, and being part of NCC / NSS, being a volunteer in certain group activities, clubs, conventions and social connect programs. I have had wonderful support from such friends across the cities I have lived and they continue to be one. Life-changing moments and life-altering people have crossed my paths due to these affiliations. 

I have had an amazing friendship from my College  National Cadet Corps (NCC) days and it's so special to each one of us in the group.  We are from all parts of the country who were part of a youth exchange program in 1991 to Canada and believe me, it’s the best to have happened to all of us.  We all catch up now due to the covid pandemic through digital platforms, but when we meet up it's like going back to the days of 1991. There is always a feeling of bonhomie and even meeting up after months or years it looks like we all just met up.  Growing over the years, families started to meet up and now the next generation is part of the catch-up.  There are no words to describe the special bonding of this group of wonderful friends. Alumni meets are great moments to live up and we attempt to meet up every year now.   

Likewise, friends from the workplace – you make your choice of people whom you like to connect with for a lifetime. There is a good amount of open discussions to sort the way things look like and also a sounding board among us to understand the markets, work culture, problem-solving, outlook on career, etc. 
There are moments of support friendship brings in a big way. People find it easier to open up to friends than with relatives, purely I feel it is because they are not judging you. They accept the person as they are and try to find a way to support them at all times.  And the psychological support the friends give to one another, it's priceless and so beautiful.  The frequency is so tuned that the other person will start sharing their thoughts, issues at home, classes, workplaces, coping up with life, their aspirations, what they want to do. It’s a huge never-ending list one could relate to and remember.

There is a strong belief that you will become what and how your friends influence you. So it's important to be sure of the influencing factors which can impact you and your environment of family, community, and workplaces. 

Make good connections with people, be yourself and find your best moments of life with friends, as they will surely make you feel good and lively. Don’t look for friendship, as it has to evolve and happen as a natural progression, with good vibes, common interests, the ability to adapt to each other's situation, and more importantly comfort.

Friendship is a word of trueness and unconditional support, come what may. It is an area one would always relate their best of times, let it be school days, college/university days, neighbourhood friends, and new friends made at the workplace. Sometimes you meet a person and you just match, you are comfortable with them like you have known them your whole journey of life, and you do not have to pretend to be anyone or anything. You can just be you. So when you find those good souls, keep them close, never let them go. A genuine mate accepts who you are, but also helps you become who you should be. 

Cheers to good friends and always remember, the only way to have a friend is to be one.

Regards,
Sai
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Expect the Unexpected

/ sainather / 20 Comments

Since 1993, Expect the Unexpected has been my baseline to outlook in life. It happened overnight, and life changed. 

What happened ! After a mighty time as a student, like most, I too had a dream, a role I wished to play in life. I had an aspiration of making it in the Indian Air Force. My goal in life was to be a Pilot. My hard work paid off, and my effort was fruitful. I was confident when I appeared before the service selection board and indeed I was selected. It was an incredible moment in my life. There are no words to describe my happiness, excitement, the thought of becoming a Pilot, I was not able to contain myself. As my mind was celebrating, there came the twist. I got rejected. Yes, you heard that right, refused for a rare medical reason, and that too risk factor was minuscule. I do not have a word that could describe my feelings at that time. I was devastated, and the worst part was I had no plan of action. I did not have a plan B for my future at this point, as everything in life was happening by the clock.

What happened next? Dreams shattered, life in disarray, and planned paths unattainable. I went into a shell. For the next few weeks, I was in total shutdown, pondering on my plight, wondering how things can go so wrong, how did this happen to me, and why for reasons so minuscule. I did not prepare myself for a blow of such proportion at this phase in my life. 

As I was dissecting through my failed attempt to reach my goal, I had a strange realization, and it was simple. 

What was it? ‘It is up to me.’ I understood that my life is in my hands, I can choose to direct it wherever I want it to move. It is up to me. It’s my choice whether to complain throughout my life or learn, move on and make the best for the rest of my life. I decided to see what comes next and how I can make the best of it. 

As we all are well aware, ‘the only constant in life is change.’ We all face changes every day. Even though we know plans may sometimes never go as planned, we still get emotional, distressed and within ourselves start the blame game. The key is not to panic and be wise and be ready to embrace surprises in-stored for us.

Here are five key take aways, from my life, they helped me adapt better in life.

  1. Have Self Belief
  2. Get your hands wet
  3. Have your own view
  4. Managing FOMO
  5. Live in the moment 

1. HAVE SELF-BELIEF 

I had good luck backing up my belief that I could do things wonderfully well when I applied myself to the task. I stepped into my career as a sales trainee with one of the best Indian brands, wholly raw and understood neither nuances of sales, jargon, and techniques nor used to sales discussions and negotiations at the time. It was my self-belief that ‘if I learn the right way, I would be able to manage, deal and cope up.’

It was my self-belief that helped me navigate life through the unexpected blow early in life. This belief helped me with a fresh start in life and assisted me in turning the pages to a new chapter of my life.

Ways to boost self-belief

  1. Know who you are.
  2. Know what you want to be.
  3. Be ready to face your fears
  4. Stop comparing yourself with others.
  5. Take care of yourself.
  6. Avoid toxic people from life.
  7. Be yourself.

2. GET YOUR HANDS WET

The best part of knowing oneself, others, a process, an environment is, getting your hands wet. It is a constant challenge for a person to understand and add value to the tasks we undertake. As there is a saying,“ practice makes perfect,” and this is something I continue to believe. And this has also helped me in changing with the tide and staying relevant. For instance, I have had numerous times where I had to relocate, from Chennai to Kolkata, to Cochin, to Bangalore to Chennai. As my career progressed, change of place was constant. On every occasion, I have indulged myself in understanding the people, discovering the culture, learning a new language, and did it wholeheartedly, which made the acceptance within and around fulfilling. 

Ways to get involved

  1. Be open to do anything by yourself.
  2. Be open to self discovery.
  3. Be ready to commit.
  4. Explore your interests, passion or hobbies.
  5. Be willing to make connections.

3. HAVE YOUR OWN VIEW

Another ingredient for coping with change is to have your perspective on all matters. I learned to hold on to this vital aspect throughout my life. Not only has this helped me adapt to change but also assisted me in being fair and stable in mind. There is a catch. That means you have to own the consequences of your thoughts. Sometimes things may go your way, and on some occasions, it may not be to your liking. Blaming others or the environment for our choices should not be entertained. Be accountable and take responsibility. Own actions with its consequence, it will help in tidying the moments better. 

Ways to hold right perspective on life

  1. Choose wisely.
  2. Disconnect from social media for a few hours. 
  3. Understanding, agreeing to disagree is acceptable.
  4. Stop multitasking, focus on one task at a time.
  5. Stop complaining.

4. MANAGING FOMO

FOMO is a buzzword in recent years, and each one of us goes through a phase where we assume we are missing out. There will be moments of being left out, not being part of something current, not being considered, not being included, and many such situations. How much can we chew? How much should we take on?  We need to ask ourselves and answer genuinely, ‘do we need to be everywhere all the time.’ Could we be part of what we are interested in, and that which makes us happy? We need to be honest with ourselves. 

Ways to overcome FOMO

  1. Slow down.
  2. Disconnect from social media and reconnect with a passion or a person.
  3. Do one thing at a time.
  4. Practice Mindfulness.
  5. Avoid toxic people and places.
  6. Live in the moment.

5. LIVE IN THE MOMENT 

I am sure many of us would have heard about this and the happy people are the ones who follow it, embrace it as part of their lives. Change is inevitable and how we accept the same and move forward in our outlook, decides our journey in life. So live in the moment, with all that one would aspire, in a manner which gives immense peace and happiness. Roles, positions don’t matter as to who you are. It is important how you feel inside yourself and live the way you choose to live. 

Ways to live in the moment

  1. Give thanks. Gratitude is the attitude.
  2. Smile. That’s your best accessory.
  3. Give support and help others when possible. 
  4. Forgive yourself.
  5. Don’t live in the past.
  6. Dream and work towards your dreams.

To sum up, let me finish by saying, every turn in my life was joyful, and I took every challenge head-on, and what happened in 1993 unexpectedly turned out for the best. Presently, I will and can say with confidence, what happened changed the course of my destination, it has been a journey that I never expected and turned my life around for good. I am glad I had this close encounter with an unexpected failure early on in my life, as this confrontation set me up for life. In short, I made the best out of my situation, as the saying goes, ‘when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.’  

Sainath is currently Executive Vice President, Sales, Marketing & CRM Operations at Provident Housing Ltd, A Puravankara Group Company. His career spans over 27 years in the fields sales, marketing, and CRM Operations, having worked with names like Godrej, Escotel, BPL Mobile, Reliance Communication, & Vodafone.  Sai has worked across many geographies in India.  His interests are in sports, an active badminton player, and an avid cricket player. Sai was an active NCC cadet during college and was part of a youth exchange program to Canada as well. 

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