Point Of View

This is a point of view. But, unfortunately, the compulsive use of POV on every video I scroll through today has got to me. Is your point of view so basic to fit within five words to seven seconds on a regular video clip with completely unrelated music? Where are your honest thoughts, the thoughts that make you, those that unrest you, and those that completely daze you? 

We are mired in the circle of social media validation, and only some of us have managed to set boundaries. You wake up, and instead of detangling some tresses or rubbing your face, you reach for the phone. You unlock it, squint your eyes to scroll all app notifications, and lock it back. What value this adds to your morning routine needs to be clarified. But it is the creeping fear of missing out. The internet further validated this feeling by abbreviating it to FOMO. And since then, there’s no looking back. 

You have your tea/coffee, and if the window shows an exceptionally bright day, you must capture it. Now, you place the cup at an angle that gets the sun’s rays and wait for the hot steam to arise to click the perfect ‘Tis a Good Morning’ photo. Before posting it online, do you contemplate whether you should use a filter on it or whether you should post it all? 

Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, and Instagram, are common social media apps that are not addictive as platforms. But the validation we seek from posting everything on these mediums seeps in like a drug, affecting serotonin levels on a likes-to-comments basis. It has got us to share a considerable part of our daily lives online, only waiting for someone to look up to it, like it, comment on it positively, and essentially inflate our egos. 

Think about this… When you are on vacation, be it with family, friends, or solo, do you want to capture memories or make them? The unfiltered things we say in conversations, the exuberant laughter when surrounded by our close ones, and the inner jokes we share can’t come to the fore when you have a camera rolling, just waiting for this candidness to be captured. Won’t you agree that you need to put your phone in a pocket, rub your palms, and feel the warmth of a bonfire rather than take a slo-mo video of the flames? These most straightforward actions want us to keep our phones away and the cameras black-taped. No, you won’t miss out on the good times if you live in them. You’d only miss them if you are enjoying them in pretense to show them to other random strangers.

We need to stop mini-vlogging our lives for full validation. If you desire the expression, try talking about ‘how today made you feel?’ And no, it does not have to be happy all the time. Please give me a true Point of View of your learnings and help others through it because we all have days when we feel like packing our bags and leaving for a destination untold. 

I observe a lot of creators and their imitators online. While it is the sustenance of a creator to post what they do online, it is a sign of loneliness for the other lot. Is this generation relying on online friendships and their likes to define their own? I believe it is unconscious too. 

When Instagram removed the likes count last year, their chief Adam Mosseri said, “The idea is to try and depressurize Instagram, make it less of a competition, give people more space to focus on connecting with people they love, things that inspire them. But it’s focused on young people.” This move got polarizing reactions, but it also gave us insight. Yes, the young ones succumb to this fear of missing out, not being liked/commented on, not looking pretty enough, and eventually being insufficient. So now you can hide your likes and metrics. But can you hide the innate sense to be relevant for the ‘gram? 

It also creeps from the loneliness that technology leaves us. We are more connected to the outside world than the ones we live and mingle with. Of course, a rejection or a mean comment from a best friend will hurt! Here’s a random stranger showering hearts and making up for it. 

Thankfully, we have some who show the right side of creating content for Instagram. The ‘Instagram vs. Reality’ video trend is something that people enjoy as fun. But look beyond my viewers – Observe how everyone is faking a view and cooperating in queuing to avoid being seen in picturesque frames. Are you doing the same with your life? Are you too conforming to the fear of being unseen if you don’t show people what they like to double tap on? 

It is human to fear failure, abandonment, uncertainty, judgment, and death. But the fear of missing out is something that we need to get past. Don’t you realise how this fear makes us be a part of it, and we end up missing out on the true joys of living in the moment anyway? 

Go ahead, click pictures, capture videos, make edits, travel, sing, dance, and do what gives you joy. But do it for your validation. Create something that stays valid even after the internet goes off. 

On a call with my friend this week, she told me the family got a new car after I said, ‘Woah, woot woot! And Congratulations.’ She kept it a secret from everyone.
Why!!! To create a reel to reveal it. Ok then! So there’s another ‘POV: You got a new car’ reel coming on my feed in a few days. 

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It’s a regular morning. Coffee, in one hand, scrolling through social media with the other! Unfortunately, looking at nothing specific. But, guilty as charged, some bad habits sometimes keep us thriving, don’t they? This mindless scrolling brings me to a video I’ve already started to watch but skipped the second time. Though this time, I did not. It’s of the bride from Hyderabad, India, who was surprised by her brother with a life-like wax statue of her late father. 

My eyes stained with tears, and the fresh dawn suddenly feels blurry. The hot coffee seems cold. My thoughts jumble, and a relatable grief episode come to the fore. I feel blessed that at least my father got to witness my wedding. One undeniable fact about grief is it doesn’t necessarily come with a trigger. It’s like an uninvited guest who now you have to tend to and eventually drive away with a smile.

A year and a half since I lost my father, parts of me still haven’t recovered. It wasn’t sudden, accidental, or unexpected. The doctors had called the stage of counting on a miracle. But miracles aren’t supposed to happen daily, and we had seen our share of them in his case. There is a stage in the life of people grappling with prolonged illnesses which starts preparing them and others around them for their demise until they cross that bridge. The stark realizing the void left behind pricks you even on the brightest days.

The paradox of death is – it is inevitable and yet uncertain. I often call death a prerequisite of life. You breathe today, and life takes your breath out one day. So I am not lacking words when I say that we call the talk of death unfortunate in itself is unfortunate. 

It does not give us a chance to insulate our emotions to the onset of grief, let alone live with it for years to come. We encounter our bouts with happiness, pride, sorrow, and anger, but it has to take away a loved one to know what anguish and distress are. I have had my share of heartbreaks too, but comparing it with the heartache of a loss of a loved one is dismissing the sentimental value of both occurrences.

My father’s death is becoming a significant turning point for me to face and understand my emotions.

I often put on a mask of happiness and recovery in front of others, and I genuinely uncover my grief when I sit alone and let myself the time to process it. The truth is, the world moves on, the relatives and families stop calling, and the daunting questions of ‘what next’ keep coming my way. And you cannot possibly fathom ‘what’s next’ just sitting in a room with all the people. All one wants to do is ask them all to leave you undisturbed.

A person you have lost will find a place in your thoughts because they now occupy a bigger space in your heart. The memories you share with them will bring you grief on some days and peace on others. To recognize what brings which feeling is where the deep struggle of moving on lies. And no reassuring words can heal at this point because the close association with the lost person brings you the ownership of that emotion, that connection, and that void.

The loss of a parent, a loved one, a close relative, a favourite grandparent, or a best friend is all meant to induce a certain kind of pain that only makes us more human. It is not a thoughtless

premise when you see several movie plots where death brings out the transformation of the lead character. From my experience, the permanency of ‘never’ seeing them again transgresses our thoughts. One moment they are here, now all you have are the moments you shared. Memories…

Since every dark tunnel always opens to a bright side, you will begin seeing the light too. It can be blinding at first. You don’t know how to react when you meet someone next. Can you smile, are you supposed to be sad? Will it be, “Oh look, she’s already moved on!” or “She seems to be trying to get there?” Will I be known as “The girl who lost her father” or “Her father would have been proud of her today?” Getting to the latter is a longer road because society’s conditioning is majorly towards simply sympathising, more pitying, to be specific. Every day you will feel like crying. Cry out; you should. Yes, you may. You should. But when you wipe away that last tear and straighten yourself back up, you’ve accomplished a step toward growth. Grieving is growing, sometimes one cry session at a time.